Woman sets trap, man walks in - Tell us your version

[CanAm]

CanAm said:

SAS Tom said:

I think this is another thread full of things that never happened.

I had a two ties for Xmas episode which someone on here quoted earlier.

Having been caught before, I escaped the inevitable wrath by asking, "Well which one do you think goes best with this shirt?"
(She'd bought the shirt too, so I was in the clear)

[CanAm]

Here's the one referred to above, which I originally posted here on the 'I'm in the Dog House' thread many years ago:

"Many years ago SWMBO bought me an LP for Christmas. (for the benefit of younger readers perhaps I should explain that an LP was a double-sided, circular, black vinyl, analogue music storage device, some 305mm in diameter). I placed it on the turntable and began to enjoy the music. The conversation went like this:-
SWMBO: "Is that Side 2?"
ME: "Yes"
SWMBO: "Why aren't you playing Side 1?"
ME: "Because I've not heard the songs on Side 2 and fancied hearing them first"
SWMBO: "So you don't like the rest of the record then? What a waste of money that was. I don't know why I waste my money buying presents for you - you're such an ungrateful bd!"

Stormed out of the room and didn't speak to me for the rest of Christmas
MENTAL, all of them!"

[DickyC]

There we go. That's the one.

[Cotty]

Pit Pony said:

Yeah, you haven't got a fking clue. Get married and have kids and you'll go to work for the rest. I get home on a Friday having been away all week, and the 1st thing I do it put rubber gloves on and remove my cats st from the lawn...And the weekend ends up being a succession of jobs..

I just booked Tuesday off work so looking forward to having four days of doing what I want, when I want, with no one telling me what to do.

[Pit Pony]

Animal said:

Woke up. Wife said something. I replied. Trap.

Indeed.
Some days you have to be careful with facial expressions.
Looking at her with the wrong tone of voice.
To be fair, I was thinking murderous thoughts.

[boyse7en]

Cotty said:

57Ford said:

Wife (while getting ready to go out): What are your plans for the day?
Me: Oh, nothing really. Just a nice relaxing Sunday.
Wife: I’m glad you’re not busy because there’s the lawn needs cutting, the raised beds need weeding, the gutter needs clearing near the garage, while you’re outside the patio is looking a bit grubby and the window frames could do with a wipe down. Once you come back inside....

I am so glad im single as my response to that after working all week would be unprintable.

Well someone has to do those sorts of jobs, and if you want them done properly...

If you never clean the outside of your house or cut the lawn it might explain why you are single

[Cotty]

boyse7en said:

Well someone has to do those sorts of jobs, and if you want them done properly...

If you never clean the outside of your house or cut the lawn it might explain why you are single

How would a lady who I just met be able to judge whether my window frames were wiped down or not having never seen my house . Seems like a daft comment.

[Kermit power]

Dog Star said:

Vandenberg said:

Me: Want anything for christmas?
Mrs: No I don't need anything
Xmas Day Mrs: Where's my presents?
Me: You said...........
Xmas Day Mrs: You should know that I don't need anything is code for I want everything.

Followed by:

Me: We doing anything for Valentines?
Mrs: No, Lets not bother its all too commercial
Valentines day Mrs: Where my card flowers and bubbles?
Me: Actually I don't love you any more, this relationship is dead, I'm moving out
Ex Mrs: Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Woah!
Two absolute schoolboy errors made there - those are pretty well their most obvious and widely used traps. Never fall for these!

I find it quite useful to follow those sorts of statements to the letter.

My wife only ever did it once. It was mothers' day, and she said not to worry about it as it was all commercial rubbish anyway. When she then got the hump that she didn't get anything on mothers' day, I just replayed the conversation and asked her why she'd bother to say she didn't want anything if she actually did?

Admittedly, she now thinks I'm vaguely autistic, but she has been cured of making stupid statements like that.

[Kermit power]

SAS Tom said:

I think this is another thread full of things that never happened.

Says the poster called "SAS Tom".

[tribalsurfer]

Cotty said:

How would a lady who I just met be able to judge whether my window frames were wiped down or not having never seen my house . Seems like a daft comment.

Surely she'll find out in the morning - Player !!!!!

[anonymous-user]

Kermit power said:

Says the poster called "SAS Tom".

Don't be mean. He supplies software delivered over the internet and is dyslexic.

[Pothole]

Jazzy Jag said:

Beware of any conversation that starts with the wife saying

"I've been thinking..."

NAIL/HEAD

[popeyewhite]

Pit Pony said:

Indeed.
Some days you have to be careful with facial expressions.
Looking at her with the wrong tone of voice.
.....

I know you're joking but that actually sounds like an abusive relationship!

[DickyC]

Kermit power said:

My wife only ever did it once. It was mothers' day, and she said not to worry about it as it was all commercial rubbish anyway. When she then got the hump that she didn't get anything on mothers' day, I just replayed the conversation and asked her why she'd bother to say she didn't want anything if she actually did?

'I don't want'

means either:

'I want the expensive one with the flowers, chocolates and champagne option'

or:

'That's not what I said.'

HTH

[J4CKO]

She always asks me what I want for my birthday, then says, in response to some suggestions,

"Nah"

"Not that, boring",

"Too Expensive"

"Weird"

"No Chance"



Other one is, "Can you just pay for x via a bank transfer, will give you the money"

No money appears, mention it and get called a tight arse/pennypincher etc.

[LordHaveMurci]

J4CKO said:

Other one is, "Can you just pay for x via a bank transfer, will give you the money"

No money appears, mention it and get called a tight arse/pennypincher etc.

Or it covers an imaginary debt from some vague moment in the past so we'll just call it quits

[J4CKO]

LordHaveMurci said:

J4CKO said:

Other one is, "Can you just pay for x via a bank transfer, will give you the money"

No money appears, mention it and get called a tight arse/pennypincher etc.

Or it covers an imaginary debt from some vague moment in the past so we'll just call it quits

Yep, the other one when a purchase turns up from my account from a ladies clothing shop and apparently it was a mistake using that card, rarely occurs the other way round where day to day boring stuff like shopping or petrol get bought on her own card, but the inverse is a common occurrence.

I saw one bank were doing debit cars where you could have a photo on of your choosing so suggested I got her one with me wagging a finger on the Joint account one.

[Terminator X]

2 outfits ready to go out for the night "which one do you like best" doesn't matter which is is chosen as the answer is always "what's wrong with the other one?" + it actually doesn't matter which one I choose as she will wear whatever one she likes best!

TX.

[Terminator X]

George Smiley said:

Her: I’m not happy with my body image
Me: buys gym membership for her
Her: you’re saying I’m fat?

Her: name someone on your fantasy list, it’s ok as it’s a fantasy
Me: your sister

Wtf! I'd back away immediately if that question ever came up!

TX.

[axgizmo]

aaron_2000 said:

Her: You doing anything tonight?
Me: No, why you have something in mind?
Her: Yeah could you clean my car out for me if you're not busy please?

What!? Why cant she clean her own car?