Woman sets trap, man walks in - Tell us your version

[Spare tyre]

Fermit and Sexy Sarah said:

'Does my bum look big in this?'

Never answer.

Start walking backwards

“ hang on love, I just need to be able to see all of it”


OR

It IS big

[trackdemon]

57Ford said:

Wife (while getting ready to go out): What are your plans for the day?
Me: Oh, nothing really. Just a nice relaxing Sunday.
Wife: I’m glad you’re not busy because there’s the lawn needs cutting, the raised beds need weeding, the gutter needs clearing near the garage, while you’re outside the patio is looking a bit grubby and the window frames could do with a wipe down. Once you come back inside....

Him: Sounds like you want an employee, not a husband. FRO

[CanAm]

Spare tyre said:

Fermit and Sexy Sarah said:

'Does my bum look big in this?'

Never answer.

Start walking backwards

“ hang on love, I just need to be able to see all of it”


OR

It IS big

"No more than normal" is apparently not a good answer either.

[anonymous-user]

Mrs: "What shall we do today?"

Moi: "We can do whatever you'd like, you choose"

5 minutes later...

Mrs: "So, are you just going to sit there all day doing nothing?”

[glenrobbo]

I think it was a very clever and cunning ploy by Mrs.C to get her requirement for a hearing aid to the very forefront of DickyC's list of priorities, at the same time focusing on the pragmatic everyday rather than the more ethereal desires floating around in her husbands mind.


Never ever misunderestimate the whiles of a woman.

[Bobberoo99]

Mrs Bobbers doesn't ask "does my bum look big in this?" My stock answer of "your bum looks big in anything" put a stop to it!!!
I do fall foul of the "what do you want to do today?" Thing regularly though, usually because no matter what I suggest she doesn't want to do!!!!

[Bomma220]

Sheepshanks said:

DickyC said:

Mrs C - What's on your Bucket List?
Me - Along with owning an Aston and driving Route 66 I've just added a flight in that two seat Spitfire. You?
Mrs C - I'd like a hearing aid.

I'm probably going to regret this, but I don't get that?

Mrs C - What's on your Bucket List?
Me - Along with owning an Aston and driving Route 66 I've just added a flight in that two seat Spitfire. You?
Mrs C -I'd like a hearing aid YOU'RE GOING TO DO fkING WHAT?

[glenrobbo]

I'd just like to find out who it is that I'm supposed to be having an affair with.

Apparently it's been ongoing for two or three years now. WTF???
Still, it does explain her strange behaviour.


Ah well, off to the pub.

[anonymous-user]

glenrobbo said:

I'd just like to find out who it is that I'm supposed to be having an affair with.

Apparently it's been ongoing for two or three years now. WTF???
Still, it does explain her strange behaviour.


Ah well, off to the pub.

That normally means she's having a affair, ask me how I know....

[FN2TypeR]

5Cylinder said:

glenrobbo said:

I'd just like to find out who it is that I'm supposed to be having an affair with.

Apparently it's been ongoing for two or three years now. WTF???
Still, it does explain her strange behaviour.


Ah well, off to the pub.

That normally means she's having a affair, ask me how I know....

I got that one, sort of. She got a grump on at me because she dreamt that I was cheating on her, which is bad enough, but at that time unbeknownst to me, she was *actually*cheating on me

[Wiccan of Darkness]

CanAm said:

Spare tyre said:

Fermit and Sexy Sarah said:

'Does my bum look big in this?'

Never answer.

Start walking backwards

“ hang on love, I just need to be able to see all of it”


OR

It IS big

"No more than normal" is apparently not a good answer either.

Neither is blurting out "Well at least it takes the focus off your face". Can anyone beat that?

I got off lightly with that response. One testicle reappeared a day later, the other one refused to budge for a week or so before finally dropping back in to its little sleeping bag. Needed a bit of coaxing, but succumbed to the gentle touch in the end.

Just to add, when she finally got her ovaries in such a knot and stormed out, saying 'none of this is down to me, it's all YOU' I quipped yep, you're right, it's me - I can do better than you.

[matchmaker]

M: What do you want for lunch?
Mrs M: Don't know.
M: How about a BLT?
Mrs M: Don't want a BLT.
M: What do you want, then?
Mrs: Don't know.

Rinse & repeat

[Jazzy Jag]

Beware of any conversation that starts with the wife saying

"I've been thinking..."

[Fermit and Sexy Sarah]

Wiccan of Darkness said:

Neither is blurting out "Well at least it takes the focus off your face". Can anyone beat that?

If your Mrs is ever complaining that her tits are too small suggest she wipes some toilet roll between them every day. When she asks why reply with 'well, it's worked wonders on your arse'

[CanAm]

Jazzy Jag said:

Beware of any conversation that starts with the wife saying

"I've been thinking..."

Or, "I was just thinking.....".
They never "just" think - there's always an agenda.

[nonsequitur]

Fermit and Sexy Sarah said:

'Does my bum look big in this?'

Never answer.

The silence will speak volumes.

[Trophy Husband]

Fermit and Sexy Sarah said:

'Does my bum look big in this?'

Never answer.

Or,

"We are in the kitchen sweetheart and it is the smallest room in the house."

[anonymous-user]

FN2TypeR said:

5Cylinder said:

glenrobbo said:

I'd just like to find out who it is that I'm supposed to be having an affair with.

Apparently it's been ongoing for two or three years now. WTF???
Still, it does explain her strange behaviour.


Ah well, off to the pub.

That normally means she's having a affair, ask me how I know....

I got that one, sort of. She got a grump on at me because she dreamt that I was cheating on her, which is bad enough, but at that time unbeknownst to me, she was *actually*cheating on me

Life lessons eh

[anonymous-user]

Wife: She's pretty isn't she ?
Me: Errrrrrr

This is made even worse if the lady in question is a friend

[juice]

Grahamdub said:

Wife: She's pretty isn't she ?
Me: Errrrrrr

This is made even worse if the lady in question is a friend

The answer to this is always: "Why do you think that ?"

It throws the ball back in her court and more importantly, buys you thinking time