Woman sets trap, man walks in - Tell us your version

[57Ford]

juice said:

Grahamdub said:

Wife: She's pretty isn't she ?
Me: Errrrrrr

This is made even worse if the lady in question is a friend

The answer to this is always: "Why do you think that ?"

It throws the ball back in her court and more importantly, buys you thinking time

Pah, amateur! The correct response is ‘I’d never really considered it.’
That’s how thinking time is created, hopefully along with guidance on whether you should now consider the answer to the question or not.

[CustardOnChips]

Jazzy Jag said:

Beware of any conversation that starts with the wife saying

"I've been thinking..."

My stock answer to this is. How much?

At which point Mrs Custard will look vexed and say something like. Why do you think everything is about money!

Then go on to say she wants something or wants to go somewhere that will cost a fortune.

[cuprabob]

Grahamdub said:

Wife: She's pretty isn't she ?
Me: Errrrrrr

This is made even worse if the lady in question is a friend

Correct response is;
"Will I ask f she's up for a ménage à trois?"

[StanleyT]

DickyC said:

Mrs C - Say something nice about your first wife.
Me - Blimey, er, okay. Well, let's think. Yes. She was quite a good driver.

Silence.
Longer silence.
Even longer silence.

Me - What?
Mrs C - You said I'm not a good driver.

Happened whilst "tipsy"
Mrs S - Say something nice about your first wife.
Me - Blimey, er, okay. Well, let's think. Yes. I've never met anyone with flaps like hers, loved the way they stuck to my c0ck as she rode me on top".


Silence.
Longer silence.
Even longer silence.

Me - What?
Mrs S - You pervert, comparing my genitals with those of other women.

[bobtail4x4]

Last night at a wedding a mutual friend was pissed, wife told me to walk her home,
Im not that stupid, I got the best man to help. we got her in the door and left her to it,
she was up and about this morning asking how she got home.

[aaron_2000]

Her: You doing anything tonight?
Me: No, why you have something in mind?
Her: Yeah could you clean my car out for me if you're not busy please?

[Fermit and Sexy Sarah]

aaron_2000 said:

Her: You doing anything tonight?
Me: No, why you have something in mind?
Her: Yeah could you clean my car out for me if you're not busy please?

That's my job too. At Christmas the MIL suggested that her mum/ S's Nan always worried about going in families cars if they're a mess, she likes her nice dresses. I committed to make sure ours is clean whenever she goes down. Like most women my wife treats her car like a wheely bin!

[SCEtoAUX]

"Does this dress make my bum look big?"

"No, but all of those cakes and chocolate you shove in your gob do."

[Tango13]

Fermit and Sexy Sarah said:

'Does my bum look big in this?'

Never answer.

The barmaid in my local commented that her arse was getting bigger 'cos she's put on half a stone in weight, I pointed out that she had small hands compared to mine and there was nothing wrong with her arse that a couple of trips to Pizza Hut wouldn't put right...

I'm such a smooth talking devil

[WarrenB]

matchmaker said:

M: What do you want for lunch?
Mrs M: Don't know.
M: How about a BLT?
Mrs M: Don't want a BLT.
M: What do you want, then?
Mrs: Don't know.

Rinse & repeat

I used to have these sort of impossible conversations quite often with my ex.

We're at a party, she wants to leave...

Me: Let's go then, we'll get the bus.
Her: No it's too late, they aren't running now.
Me: OK, I'll phone a taxi
Her: No, it'll be too expensive
Me: Ok, we'll walk!
Her: No, It's too far!
Me: Right! We'll stay!
Her: No it's getting too late now.
Me: Well what do you want to do then?!
Her: To go home!!

[Pit Pony]

I'm working 70 miles away from home.

SUNDAY
Her : what nights are you coming home this week?
Me: Monday and Wednesday
Her: You look tired. You shouldn't be doing all that driving. You should probably stay over Monday too.
MONDAY
on the phone.
Her: Why don't you ever come home when I need you to..

[The Moose]

Tango13 said:

The barmaid in my local commented that her arse was getting bigger 'cos she's put on half a stone in weight, I pointed out that she had small hands compared to mine and there was nothing wrong with her arse that a couple of trips to Pizza Hut wouldn't put right...

I'm such a smooth talking devil

Anyone?

[csd19]

Trophy Husband said:

Fermit and Sexy Sarah said:

'Does my bum look big in this?'

Never answer.

Or,

"We are in the kitchen sweetheart and it is the smallest room in the house."

"Dunno, but your thong's the victim here."

[eliot]

Q) Does this make my arse look fat?
A) No - the fat does

[WarrenB]

The Moose said:

Tango13 said:

The barmaid in my local commented that her arse was getting bigger 'cos she's put on half a stone in weight, I pointed out that she had small hands compared to mine and there was nothing wrong with her arse that a couple of trips to Pizza Hut wouldn't put right...

I'm such a smooth talking devil

Anyone?

Her arse is fine, it's her hands that are small... I think.

In the same way that a girlfriend with small hands makes your schlong look bigger

[Mr-B]

With all this talk of does my bum look big in this, a quick Sunday night gag.

Wife steps out of the shower into the bedroom stark naked and stands in front of the full length mirror wardrobes and says to her husband "Look at me. I'm getting wrinkles round my eyes, starting to get a double chin, gravity is playing havoc with my boobs, I'm getting cellulite on my thighs and bum and I saw my first grey hair the other day. Say something nice about to make me feel better". Husband says "There's nothing wrong with your eyesight"

[Fermit and Sexy Sarah]

WarrenB said:

Her arse is fine, it's her hands that are small... I think.

In the same way that a girlfriend with small hands makes your schlong look bigger

You need to stop dating school girls


A joke

[WarrenB]

Fermit and Sexy Sarah said:

WarrenB said:

Her arse is fine, it's her hands that are small... I think.

In the same way that a girlfriend with small hands makes your schlong look bigger

You need to stop dating school girls


A joke

She's a relation of Jeremy Beadle. I'm fine if she uses her right hand.

[bloomen]

I've been with lasses whose idea of, I'm not totally sure, was to repeatedly set up unspoken and unknown tests for me to fail and then be shrieked at.

I never bothered asking what the thinking behind it is. They got fired instead.

Maybe that works on 16 yr olds. Hopefully not on anyone who's seen a little more of life.

[Frank7]

At my first wife’s sister’s 21st birthday bash, my wife, (24), said, “Now tell me the truth, if my sister gave you the green light, what would you do?”
I opened my mouth, hesitated for a nano second, and she said, “You bas*ard, mum was right about you.”