Match.com (Vol. 7)
Discussion
Sir Lord Harold said:
George Smiley said:
Just go bang a hooker ffs
Been there done that. It's not what I'm looking for.To have an engineering degree demonstrates smarts, but you need to work on charisma- not something that occurs naturally but you need to work on that.
Or accept your lot and learn to enjoy a single life without the downsides of a relationship unless you want the benefits.
If you find yourself internally questioning why people like you or want to be friends with you, you'll be giving off the biggest go away vibe. That's cost me numerous relationships (friendships) as I didnt believe people wanted to be in my life just wanted something from me.
Overcame that and now make friends easily and in a great relationship.
Sir Lord Harold said:
So I reviewed the meetup group and explained what happened, from there I ended up in a spat with the group organisers and a third party that insulted my incel status. I proposed to that individual to meet me personally or I'd attend the next meet and he could say those words to my face. Predictably I got banned from the group and from the site. Funny thing is, you neurotypical's seem to think by ostracising or silencing us, the problem goes away. How wrong can you be? Good luck. :-)
Bloody hell, you sound miserable. S1KRR said:
I remember going out with some work friends one evening. And I got chatting to 2 girls at the bar we were in. Probably chatted to them for 10mins tops. TBH I wasn't interested in either of them. Daresay with a bit of effort could have got numbers and dates from it. But if I'm honest, I was just "keeping my eye in" in terms of being sociable and approaching and chatting to people in an environment where it's expected and not too weird.
Afterwards a friend (with a GF) said to me incredulously "how the f
k are you still single?" Similar thing at a wedding last year. The groom messaged me the next day thanking me for coming etc and then dropped in that I'd made an impression on somebody at the wedding and they wanted him to pass on her number to me. I reckon it was probably 1 of 2 girls I chatted to. But told him I didn't want to know who it was and I didn't want the number. Which again confuses people, who I hope, have my interests at heart to a degree.
Were any of the women physically attractive to you? And if they were, do you not have a sex drive and urge to take them home for a night?Afterwards a friend (with a GF) said to me incredulously "how the f
k are you still single?" Similar thing at a wedding last year. The groom messaged me the next day thanking me for coming etc and then dropped in that I'd made an impression on somebody at the wedding and they wanted him to pass on her number to me. I reckon it was probably 1 of 2 girls I chatted to. But told him I didn't want to know who it was and I didn't want the number. Which again confuses people, who I hope, have my interests at heart to a degree. hyphen said:
Were any of the women physically attractive to you? And if they were, do you not have a sex drive and urge to take them home for a night?
OK so the 2 at the bar. Honestly it was a few years back now. And I cant remember. 
At the wedding. Assuming it was one of the two I think it was.
First one. Not really. But she was pleasant, and if I'm honest I didn't know too many people at this wedding, so spending 20mins at the bar chatting helped pass the time
I was careful not to lead her on and imply any attraction. But I guess chatting and telling st jokes, plus a dash of alcohol (I wasn't drinking since I drove) can make people see what they want to see.The other one was more complicated. (and probably me f
king it up a little ) She was on the same table as myself so we spent a lot of time chatting over the various courses. Mediterranean. Fake boobs and a VERY revealing dress! Probably the best looking lady there. Divorced and was there with her 2 young kids. (5 and 9 perhaps) I'm reasonable at dealing with kids*. So I was "flossing" (silly dance from the game) with one of them and playing silly buggers with the other one. Now the kids were collected in due course by their Dad whilst Mum had a room at the hotel for the night. (I didn't though I'd been offered one) Something she mentioned a few times "out loud" to the table. Part of me was thinking, yeah I'd smash this. But I'm not looking to take on kids in any relationship. (don't have any of my own) And I don't want to lead this lady on into thinking that this would be going anywhere. Now saying this in the cold light of today makes it sound ridiculous. But I find one night stands difficult to organise. (I've been lucky when a girl has pretty much done all the work for me
) I suppose I should just be more up front and say, "I'm not looking for any commitment" beforehand. But it never feels like it's natural. Even though, for all I know, this lady was only looking for a one nighter anyway. I've probably missed out on a lot of sex over the years by not seizing the initiative. Daresay it's cost me some relationships as I've gone 3 or 4 dates along and not pushed for sex. So then it gets weird and then the girl loses interest.
There's a line in a song where the guy sings about "she took off my pants, so I turned on the TV"
Sometimes I think he must know its my life
* (At another event last year, 2 girls I know got all "excited ovaries" when I was entertaining another friends 1yo daughter at a pub whilst he had a fag. "Oh S1KRR, you're so AMAZING with kids
)Tinder has been kind to me this last few weeks. I have been single for about two years after ending a long term relationship and during that time I had a couple of hook ups through the "traditional" means (met one at a wedding and the other on holiday). I was hardly pulling any trees up that's for sure, but for most of that period of time that was fine by me as the single/unattached life suited what I wanted
I'm no real looker but I like to think that I can talk a good game; just try and shut me up I signed up around three weeks ago, I've had a few dates already, including one where I ended up back at hers "don't normally do this on the first date" or so she says, no complaints from me either way, and I'm seeing her again tomorrow night
Good harmless (so far!) fun, it's going well!
I'm no real looker but I like to think that I can talk a good game; just try and shut me up
I signed up around three weeks ago, I've had a few dates already, including one where I ended up back at hers "don't normally do this on the first date" or so she says, no complaints from me either way, and I'm seeing her again tomorrow nightGood harmless (so far!) fun, it's going well!
Edited by FN2TypeR on Monday 25th November 09:43
Sir Lord Harold said:
Condi said:
Thats a bit weird. Not many people would reply to someone without pictures, let alone want to meet up without knowing what they look like. Why would they - there are plenty of people on apps and sites with pictures.
+1The woman I am marrying didn’t see a picture of me prior to us meeting (we exchanged a shed load of messages and describes appearance amongst other things)
At least three other dates I can think of hadn't seen pictures beforehand, one of whom is still a good friend who I see most weeks.
Looks is a factor, but not for everyone and certainly not the be all and end all.
Davetheraver said:
Don’t know what you want me to say.
The woman I am marrying didn’t see a picture of me prior to us meeting (we exchanged a shed load of messages and describes appearance amongst other things)
At least three other dates I can think of hadn't seen pictures beforehand, one of whom is still a good friend who I see most weeks.
Looks is a factor, but not for everyone and certainly not the be all and end all.
TBF, even if there is pictures, how many have turned out not looking like the photo's proposed? I had one a few months ago, i think the real girl had eaten the girl in the picturesThe woman I am marrying didn’t see a picture of me prior to us meeting (we exchanged a shed load of messages and describes appearance amongst other things)
At least three other dates I can think of hadn't seen pictures beforehand, one of whom is still a good friend who I see most weeks.
Looks is a factor, but not for everyone and certainly not the be all and end all.
Davetheraver said:
Don’t know what you want me to say.
The woman I am marrying didn’t see a picture of me prior to us meeting (we exchanged a shed load of messages and describes appearance amongst other things)
I can't think of any circumstance where I'd leave the warmth of my house to go and see a woman based on her own description of herself.The woman I am marrying didn’t see a picture of me prior to us meeting (we exchanged a shed load of messages and describes appearance amongst other things)
Although having said that... I wouldn't imagine many would exaggerate as it would be a bit of a crushing blow for someone to turn around and leave, most would presumably down play their attractiveness, so maybe it's a plan after all?
But nah, there are literally thousands with pictures, why take the chance?
technodup said:
can't think of any circumstance where I'd leave the warmth of my house to go and see a woman based on her own description of herself.
Although having said that... I wouldn't imagine many would exaggerate as it would be a bit of a crushing blow for someone to turn around and leave, most would presumably down play their attractiveness, so maybe it's a plan after all?
But nah, there are literally thousands with pictures, why take the chance?
I never said I hadn’t seen their pictures, I said they hadn’t seen any of me. If people asked I would send them, but some never did.Although having said that... I wouldn't imagine many would exaggerate as it would be a bit of a crushing blow for someone to turn around and leave, most would presumably down play their attractiveness, so maybe it's a plan after all?
But nah, there are literally thousands with pictures, why take the chance?
I was trying to make the point that if your messages etc are decent, looks aren’t always a factor (in terms of getting a date anyway - I am sure most women would walk if a seriously unattractive or scruffy bloke turned up)
Sir Lord Harold said:
Tried online dating, self-improvement, the real world, everything, but can't get a date. Never had a girlfriend, got no mates. Whatever.
Rarely go out these days but I make an exception last night because I want affirmation my situation's irrecoverable.
if that's all you went looking for then confirmation bias will guarantee that's what you'll come away with. Why not go along thinking 'I'm going to change my situation'?Rarely go out these days but I make an exception last night because I want affirmation my situation's irrecoverable.
Sir Lord Harold said:
Bought a pint costing £5.80, felt like I'd been robbed
Suck it up sunshine. If you're brooding over the cost of one pint that's not going to help your general mood. Good job you didn't pull as you might have had to buy another drink eh?Sir Lord Harold said:
I'm quite a big guy myself and her 'protector' laughs it off and pussies out (plus more imagined macho stuff...)
Stop putting yourself and others in roles of victim / aggressor / white knight. Do you wear a fedora by any chance?Sir Lord Harold said:
For perspective this was a very ugly pig-nosed woman, sow-like resemblance, fattened for slaughter.
Lovely description. Why bother approaching her?DrSteveBrule said:
Sir Lord Harold said:
Tried online dating, self-improvement, the real world, everything, but can't get a date. Never had a girlfriend, got no mates. Whatever.
Rarely go out these days but I make an exception last night because I want affirmation my situation's irrecoverable.
if that's all you went looking for then confirmation bias will guarantee that's what you'll come away with. Why not go along thinking 'I'm going to change my situation'?Rarely go out these days but I make an exception last night because I want affirmation my situation's irrecoverable.
Sir Lord Harold said:
Bought a pint costing £5.80, felt like I'd been robbed
Suck it up sunshine. If you're brooding over the cost of one pint that's not going to help your general mood. Good job you didn't pull as you might have had to buy another drink eh?Sir Lord Harold said:
I'm quite a big guy myself and her 'protector' laughs it off and pussies out (plus more imagined macho stuff...)
Stop putting yourself and others in roles of victim / aggressor / white knight. Do you wear a fedora by any chance?Sir Lord Harold said:
For perspective this was a very ugly pig-nosed woman, sow-like resemblance, fattened for slaughter.
Lovely description. Why bother approaching her?Edited by moanthebairns on Monday 25th November 13:07
So I've decided to delete all my dating apps, not the first time but hopefully the last. I've decided that I'm not attractive and I just can't be bothered anymore, plus I've realised that in relationships you kind of have to compromise in ways and I'm not sure that will work for me. I've decided that if I find someone I find someone, if I don't then I don't, I'm happy enough single most of the time, I enjoy the company of my friends and my car enough to not worry about relationships too much. Also I think I probably need to mature and maybe focus on working on myself for now. Also I agree on the theory it's not the dating apps that are the problem.
Julessy said:
So I've decided to delete all my dating apps, not the first time but hopefully the last. I've decided that I'm not attractive and I just can't be bothered anymore, plus I've realised that in relationships you kind of have to compromise in ways and I'm not sure that will work for me. I've decided that if I find someone I find someone, if I don't then I don't, I'm happy enough single most of the time, I enjoy the company of my friends and my car enough to not worry about relationships too much. Also I think I probably need to mature and maybe focus on working on myself for now. Also I agree on the theory it's not the dating apps that are the problem.
well fair enough, and having an awareness of compromise and willingness or otherwise to give a bit is something most people in your position appear not to have, so at least you are self-aware. You aren't necessarily unattractive, you may just be selling yourself poorly, but it sounds like your mind is made up and you never know what will happen. Just important to get out there, even if not on a pussy hunt. Blown2CV said:
You aren't necessarily unattractive
Men who have 'no luck' on dating sites are facially unattractive full-stop. Those men face societal ostracism. Imagine that - no family or social life, can't hold down jobs, unfavourable treatment. Now imagine being in those shoes. All that matters is a good face.
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff