Match.com (Vol. 7)

[PDP76]

Silverage said:

I’ve had this done to me and I’m not proud to say I’ve done it to others.

The fact is you are not going to meet someone who is 100% right for you. Such a person may not even exist, let alone be on OLD at the same time for you. You try to find someone who is the best possible, say 80%, someone who is close enough that you could probably settle and on you go. Then someone who is 85 or 90% pops up, and the nature of the game is that you revisit why the 80%-er is inferior and switch, whilst still keeping your options open.

The trick is realising when you’ve found the best you’re going to AND so have they in you otherwise you’ll be endlessly waiting for the next better one to come along.

This is all derived from my infinite wisdom after a couple of months on OLD, so probably a load of old bks of course.

None of it is bullst in OLD world. It’s all true every word.

When I started chatting to the girl I’m with now I had maybe 4/5 others on the go too.
From talking to her online, then a 2/3 hr phone call I already knew she was better than the others I had ongoing.
I kept them on back burn whilst I dated her.
When I knew that she wasn’t just going to be another back burn and actual person in my life. I dumped everyone with zero explanations.
Here’s why I did that and it’s very simple.
OLD is a very harsh and cruel world, it’s also very selfish too. It’s also faceless and you actually don’t owe anybody anything, even if you’ve met them once or twice. Maybe you’ve fked them, it still doesn’t matter. In OLD world the only person looking out for you, is you. You do what’s best for you and that’s it.
When you meet someone that you actually really connect with, rather than being someone you just liked, you’ll know the difference.
Do I feel guilty dumping those people off ? No.
I say no because it was just a like and not a connection and In the cruel world that OLD is they would not hesitate to do the exact same thing to you.
Never feel guilty.

[PAUL.S.]

It is simply what players have always done in the real world, which the vast majority of us had never had the option to do, but it is standard practice in the virtual world of OLD.

[21ATS]

I don't know how many matches you people are getting but I rarely get the opportunity to be seeing more than one at once.

Maybe i'm just being too fussy.

[dai1983]

I hadn't really been single from 20 to 37 and I am 39 now. Found I have far less tolerance for bullst and certain character or physical flaws in women. I'm also not desperate to be with someone and very comfortable in my own company. I am st at getting a fwb without leading them on at some point.

Initially I would let dates down by text if I wasnt feeling it but after I had been ghosted a few times I just went with that. What's good for the goose etc.

Chatting to a few still but the one I mentioned in my previous post seems more right than I've felt in a while.

[vulture1]

21ATS said:

wong said:

21ATS said:

I've been talking myself out of getting one for 5 years, this one popped up and it's pretty much as I would have specced it new if I could wind the clock back. It just felt right.

I sent a message to the guy that does my finance who promptly replied he was the FOS too, so we all met up, did the finance. The numbers worked so I paid a deposit.

As impulse buys go it was a large one.

Does the other half know yet?

Well seeing as we're discussing this on the Match.com thread it gives a clue that I don't currently have a other half, which makes impulse purchases a bit easier.

That said I was on the phone during the day with the very nice lady I'm currently seeing (met on Hinge - very early stages). She'd rung me to see if I was having a nice day, to which I said yes, I've just unexpectedly bought a car.

Oh she said, You're not having a mid life crisis are you and bought a red Ferrari?.....

Pause.....

Errr, it's not Red.

Edited by 21ATS on Saturday 25th June 17:14

If she dumps you when she has just found out you have bought a ferrari there is no hope for any of us...

[21ATS]

vulture1 said:

21ATS said:

wong said:

21ATS said:

I've been talking myself out of getting one for 5 years, this one popped up and it's pretty much as I would have specced it new if I could wind the clock back. It just felt right.

I sent a message to the guy that does my finance who promptly replied he was the FOS too, so we all met up, did the finance. The numbers worked so I paid a deposit.

As impulse buys go it was a large one.

Does the other half know yet?

Well seeing as we're discussing this on the Match.com thread it gives a clue that I don't currently have a other half, which makes impulse purchases a bit easier.

That said I was on the phone during the day with the very nice lady I'm currently seeing (met on Hinge - very early stages). She'd rung me to see if I was having a nice day, to which I said yes, I've just unexpectedly bought a car.

Oh she said, You're not having a mid life crisis are you and bought a red Ferrari?.....

Pause.....

Errr, it's not Red.

Edited by 21ATS on Saturday 25th June 17:14

If she dumps you when she has just found out you have bought a ferrari there is no hope for any of us...

She's not materialistic at all, very nice indeed but I'm starting to see glimpses of being hard work so not looking promising. But we'll carry on for a while and see where it goes whilst still looking.

That seems to be the way this works.

I'm getting likes from lovely women who are hundreds of miles away, always the case isn't it. Anything more than an hour's drive and that's far enough for me.

[Silverage]

21ATS said:

She's not materialistic at all, very nice indeed but I'm starting to see glimpses of being hard work so not looking promising. But we'll carry on for a while and see where it goes whilst still looking.

That seems to be the way this works.

I'm getting likes from lovely women who are hundreds of miles away, always the case isn't it. Anything more than an hour's drive and that's far enough for me.

I packed up with someone who was 45 minutes away. I was getting on well with them but because of the distance every meeting was a major production and it became wearing very quickly.

[21ATS]

Silverage said:

21ATS said:

She's not materialistic at all, very nice indeed but I'm starting to see glimpses of being hard work so not looking promising. But we'll carry on for a while and see where it goes whilst still looking.

That seems to be the way this works.

I'm getting likes from lovely women who are hundreds of miles away, always the case isn't it. Anything more than an hour's drive and that's far enough for me.

I packed up with someone who was 45 minutes away. I was getting on well with them but because of the distance every meeting was a major production and it became wearing very quickly.

I actually think this is one of my biggest issues. I'm far enough away from everywhere major for the distance to quickly become a nuisance. Particularly if it involves a trip around the M25 in the Heathrow direction.

[bucksmanuk]

PDP76 said:

None of it is bullst in OLD world. It’s all true every word.

When I started chatting to the girl I’m with now I had maybe 4/5 others on the go too.
From talking to her online, then a 2/3 hr phone call I already knew she was better than the others I had ongoing.
I kept them on back burn whilst I dated her.
When I knew that she wasn’t just going to be another back burn and actual person in my life. I dumped everyone with zero explanations.
Here’s why I did that and it’s very simple.
OLD is a very harsh and cruel world, it’s also very selfish too. It’s also faceless and you actually don’t owe anybody anything, even if you’ve met them once or twice. Maybe you’ve fked them, it still doesn’t matter. In OLD world the only person looking out for you, is you. You do what’s best for you and that’s it.
When you meet someone that you actually really connect with, rather than being someone you just liked, you’ll know the difference.
Do I feel guilty dumping those people off ? No.
I say no because it was just a like and not a connection and In the cruel world that OLD is they would not hesitate to do the exact same thing to you.
Never feel guilty.

This should be in the terms and conditions or on the first page of all OLD sites!

[21ATS]

GCH said:

Chedders said:

Just after advice, for a work buddy

So he met this lass couple of weeks ago (on match ofcourse) - they were on the phone alot and also texting alot, into the early hours on a couple of occasions. They are both 29 and seem a good match from what I can tell.

They met last Saturday for a meal and a wander around town, he said he was very nervous, but she was very chatty and quite keen. They then went out last Thursday night aswell, they went out for a very long walk and then another meal at a pub. Apparently they got a bit touchy and were flirting the entire time, he said he felt like they had hit it off.

Now she's, well I wouldnt call it ghosting, as she answers when he texts, but it's very short and to the point answers and she also wont answer when he calls. Am I right giving him advice that he's wasting his time?

She is multi-dating (as they all do) and someone else is now the top of the ladder.
She is keeping him there breadcrumbing him....just in case, or as fallback if the one she is now keen on doesn't pan out as she hopes.
Tell him to totally back off..and if she does like him, it'll be like catnip. And if she doesn't, well, there is your answer.
He should also be swiping and dating instead of putting all his eggs in her crowded basket.

I'm definately on the back burner with a few, all the usual symptoms are there.

So when you suggest totally back off you're saying simply don't respond at all? Ghost them?

I'd just like to get a feel for which ones are a waste of time.

[throt]

21ATS said:

I'm definately on the back burner with a few, all the usual symptoms are there.

So when you suggest totally back off you're saying simply don't respond at all? Ghost them?

I'd just like to get a feel for which ones are a waste of time.

You will know early on if they are not interested , obvious signs like a delay in replying back to you.

6 months and still going strong with the one I met.

Still have a few contacting me too, I'm not their iron though, it appears they are "my" irons then, hehe.

Funny oll game is the apps, I would never go back on one either tbh.

[Hugo Stiglitz]

Joey Deacon said:

The spinner of plates said:

PDP76 said:

PAUL.S. said:

Someone else on match has made contact with her in the meantime, and your buddy has probably brought her out of her shell such that she is also planning to meet up with this other guy now, but she does not want to ditch your mate just in case it does not work out so she has gone luke warm until after that other date.. keeping him on the back burner. Standard OLD tactic.

Edited by PAUL.S. on Sunday 26th June 14:36

Yep, carry on as normal with your swipes etc.
it’s a harsh cruel world OLD but you’ll get used to it lol

Yes, you’ll get used to it.
And you’ll do it to others.
It’s the gig.

Absolutely, it is why whenever somebody new to this thread has two dates with the first person they ever match with and ask if they should uninstall the app we always say no.

It's also why if you appear over keen after the first few dates you can usually expect to get ghosted pretty quickly.

As the start you think you will never do it to someone, but after a while and as soon as a potentially better offer appears on the horizon you will drop the other person, but keep in contact just enough to keep them on the back burner.

I always likened it to plate spinning, just enough attention to keep them spinning, but if they stop and fall away there is always another one to replace them with.

fk me then there's a reason why she's single if that is true. Shallow, just deep enough to keep a decent bloke hooked initially but any longer and she'd start showing her personality proper.

Someone once said that when another sex has had their head turned by alot of other males/females interest nothing will turn it back. Its addictive.

[The spinner of plates]

Hugo Stiglitz said:

Joey Deacon said:

The spinner of plates said:

PDP76 said:

PAUL.S. said:

Someone else on match has made contact with her in the meantime, and your buddy has probably brought her out of her shell such that she is also planning to meet up with this other guy now, but she does not want to ditch your mate just in case it does not work out so she has gone luke warm until after that other date.. keeping him on the back burner. Standard OLD tactic.

Edited by PAUL.S. on Sunday 26th June 14:36

Yep, carry on as normal with your swipes etc.
it’s a harsh cruel world OLD but you’ll get used to it lol

Yes, you’ll get used to it.
And you’ll do it to others.
It’s the gig.

Absolutely, it is why whenever somebody new to this thread has two dates with the first person they ever match with and ask if they should uninstall the app we always say no.

It's also why if you appear over keen after the first few dates you can usually expect to get ghosted pretty quickly.

As the start you think you will never do it to someone, but after a while and as soon as a potentially better offer appears on the horizon you will drop the other person, but keep in contact just enough to keep them on the back burner.

I always likened it to plate spinning, just enough attention to keep them spinning, but if they stop and fall away there is always another one to replace them with.

fk me then there's a reason why she's single if that is true. Shallow, just deep enough to keep a decent bloke hooked initially but any longer and she'd start showing her personality proper.

Someone once said that when another sex has had their head turned by alot of other males/females interest nothing will turn it back. Its addictive.

tbf it's men and women, had it myself when on the apps. "I quite like this one, will make an effort... oh mind you this new one that's said hi looks fun and hot, think i'll message back.. great we have a date! but... this other new one looks a great match and is nearer, result! I'll chat to her also and arrange a date...oh, the original one is asking why i'm blowing hot and cold...jeez let me scroll back to remember who the hell this one is.. "

After a while you realise that
a) it's like a full time job to keep all the leads engaged
b) you don't have the time so you do start blowing hot and cold depending on how much time you've got to invest and who is your "focus" at that moment in time
c) they're in the same boat so don't get all confused when the "focus" one you were getting on great with suddenly changes her behaviour / responses

You need to view OLD as an extended version of the meat market nightclub of our youth at 2am just before closing - everyone's looking for action, everyone is available but also weighing up the odds and options, everyone is going to make some decisions and nobody is going to pop back to the person they were talking to earlier to let them know they've met someone better in the coat queue and they're now off for a cheeky shag at their place - they just go.

[Abdul Abulbul Amir]

I think OLD damages people if they're on it for too long. The behaviours described above affect people's ability to form relationships.

[K77 CTR]

Reading these last two pages is a real eye opener to how a lot of people act with OLD. I cant be bothered with the games but you're right to say it damages people and their ability to form relationships.

[shirt]

Agree, but also would say there’s a sizable percentage who have yet to form such habits. There’s a huge number of singles, and plenty of people who are new to apps, however wary of them they may be.

[Chedders]

Thanks for the advice, I’ve told him just to hold off and look elsewhere, which he has been doing.

That really is cruel if it’s true. He did get a small funny message this evening out of the blue to which he replied with a laughing face icon and nothing else. I’ve had a gander through his messages and they aren’t pushy or needy, about perfect I recon.

It’s quite sad to be honest as he’s just too nice to people, he never seems to catch a break.

[anonymous-user]

He should just stop replying, it will make her think he clearly has better offers and will be like catnip to her.

In my experience a lot of women can't handle suddenly being ignored and will do anything to get your interest again.

[bucksmanuk]

Like much of the internet, it’s the great multiplier.
Much of what is good in life, the internet makes it better.
Much of what is bad in life, the internet makes it worse.

A good friend made his Match profile visible on a Thursday night and Friday night.. by close of play on the Saturday he had 8 dates lined up over the following 10 days. Me… tumbleweed….. the reason why he chose the woman he did to continue with, is because she wasn't obviously bonkers, could hold a decent conversation, and not talk incessantly. They have been together nearly 3 years now… he’s 54.

As above, it fries your brain, and it makes people think there is always someone better. However, life passes you by and the total quantity of happiness you could have had is diminishing.

There are loads of videos on YouTube about this, and to my eyes at least, most men aren’t coming out of this well. Apart from my jammy friend above….

[Petrus1983]

K77 CTR said:

Reading these last two pages is a real eye opener to how a lot of people act with OLD. I cant be bothered with the games but you're right to say it damages people and their ability to form relationships.

How was FoS? Hope you had a great time.