Match.com (Vol. 7)

[BunkMoreland]

ChemicalChaos said:

A tricky question here, to put to the PH massive.

My girlfriend and I are going from strength to strength, today is only 2 months since our first date, but time seems weirdly elongated - it feels like we've known each other for ages (in a good way!) due to how well we instantly "clicked" and settled into chatting like old friends. It seems both of us are convinced that the other is "the one" and I'm so incredibly happy with everything about her - and my perception would be she feels the same.
It may therefore not come as a surprise that I want to tell her I love her - I really have never felt so strongly about someone in my entire life. But is it too soon? If so, how long is the correct amount of time? I'm aware it's a bit of a "piece of string" question but I also, despite our affection for each other, don't want to come across as worrying levels of overly attached!

Answers invited.....

Wait until she says it!

And even then wait 1 calendar month before reciprocating!

Also, its not love! It's lust.

Gigamoons said:

Introduce the L word, but gently.

I love how you look tonight.
I love how you laugh.
I really love your tits.

See how she responds.

Thats actually really good.

But still. NEVER say it!


In other news I see that "Bumble" has a new CEO and is thinking the whole "let ladies make the first move" thing doesn't work. Which was obvious to everyone who'd ever tried to woo a lady. (Also how do Gay guy relationships work on that app? Can no-one send a message? )

The bigger problem is that most sensible guys and ladies now don't bother with the apps at all. And that's going to affect the app companies over valuations

[g3org3y]

ChemicalChaos said:

A tricky question here, to put to the PH massive.

My girlfriend and I are going from strength to strength, today is only 2 months since our first date, but time seems weirdly elongated - it feels like we've known each other for ages (in a good way!) due to how well we instantly "clicked" and settled into chatting like old friends. It seems both of us are convinced that the other is "the one" and I'm so incredibly happy with everything about her - and my perception would be she feels the same.
It may therefore not come as a surprise that I want to tell her I love her - I really have never felt so strongly about someone in my entire life. But is it too soon? If so, how long is the correct amount of time? I'm aware it's a bit of a "piece of string" question but I also, despite our affection for each other, don't want to come across as worrying levels of overly attached!

Answers invited.....

Is this the one who has a kid/?

[ChemicalChaos]

As mentioned in my previous post, the query sorted itself out in the end! But just clear some things up...

BunkMoreland said:

Also, its not love! It's lust. .

Nope, you're wrong. I've lusted over enough girls in my 20 or so years of taking adult notice of women and several hookups, I know what lust is like.

My girlfriend is different. She is someone I genuinely feel compatible with on every level (having already had a number of deep chats), and would not hesitate to picture spending the rest of my life with. She's truly the one I've been waiting for. That's love, in my book!

g3org3y said:

Is this the one who has a kid/?

Egads no, she was politely but firmly halted with as detailed a few pages back, and luckily didn't hold anything against me for it.

My girlfriend is someone I met through Facebook dating but who has such an incredibly similar range of tastes, preferences, life outlook and upbringing that we just clicked instantly!

[g3org3y]

ChemicalChaos said:

As mentioned in my previous post, the query sorted itself out in the end! But just clear some things up...

BunkMoreland said:

Also, its not love! It's lust. .

Nope, you're wrong. I've lusted over enough girls in my 20 or so years of taking adult notice of women and several hookups, I know what lust is like.

My girlfriend is different. She is someone I genuinely feel compatible with on every level (having already had a number of deep chats), and would not hesitate to picture spending the rest of my life with. She's truly the one I've been waiting for. That's love, in my book!

g3org3y said:

Is this the one who has a kid/?

Egads no, she was politely but firmly halted with as detailed a few pages back, and luckily didn't hold anything against me for it.

My girlfriend is someone I met through Facebook dating but who has such an incredibly similar range of tastes, preferences, life outlook and upbringing that we just clicked instantly!

That all sounds v positive. Best of luck to you.

[Mobile Chicane]

ChemicalChaos said:

Thanks to all for the advice on the L word, turns out the situation resolved itself!
Making her a cup of tea, we were discussing overused phrases when she mentioned couples that say "I love you" but don't really mean it.
I asked what she'd think if I said it right now and did mean it, because I'd been wanting to say it for a while.
She replied she'd been thinking just the same.
We both said it, meant it and embraced.
I'm very happy this evening

Every pot has it's lid.

Every pot.

[Saleen836]

I read this as..."The money i earn is for me to spend on myself, the money you earn is to spend on all the living costs and also me!"

[interstellar]

Saleen836 said:

I read this as..."The money i earn is for me to spend on myself, the money you earn is to spend on all the living costs and also me!"

I agree, dodge that one.

[pocketspring]

I'm glad she's happy in her own skin and not a Buffalo Bill fan.

[MitchT]

Hammersia said:

SS427 Camaro said:

A very slick Scammer on Hinge ( and probably Match and Tinder as well ) calls itself “ Rafaela”
I strung “ It along “ for several days.

“ It “ says it lives in Mayfair, keeps “ it’s “ Horses in Richmond, has a driver to pick “ her “ up and sent me a photo of a black people carrier on Sunday morning.
Asked for my number really quickly, we w apped for several days, then on Sunday lunchtime it sent me a bolshy message and then blocked my number and disappeared from Hinge as well.
I called the number from another phone and the number doesn’t exit.

Edited by SS427 Camaro on Tuesday 5th March 14:29

Although obviously a scam bizarrely google image search and TinEye don't come up with any hits at all for that photo. Mmmmmm.

Maybe just lifted from Facebook, Instagram, etc. I'm pretty sure images on those sites don't come up in image searches. Plenty of posturing narcissistic nobodies covered in makeup and photoshop to steal pics from on social media with no risk of them showing up on a reverse search.

As an aside, does anyone actually fall for that stuff?

My immediate thought would be that her lifestyle and family background - if it was genuinely as implied - would be so alien to mine that it wouldn't even be worth bothering. I'd be more likely to engage with a half decent looking divorced fortysomething who drives a Polo and works in admin.

[Hammersia]

interstellar said:

Saleen836 said:

I read this as..."The money i earn is for me to spend on myself, the money you earn is to spend on all the living costs and also me!"

I agree, dodge that one.

Honestly in my extensive dating experience I wouldn't pay any attention to this sort of comment, it's meaningless when the right pheromones come along.

[bloomen]

interstellar said:

I agree, dodge that one.

My personal fave was a profile devoted entirely to accusing the reader of being a freeloader and paedophile.

Wish I'd screenshotted it now.

Perhaps 'negging' does work, but likely not to that extent.

[csd19]

Mobile Chicane said:

Every pot has it's lid.

Every pot.

Is that a definite though? You hear of some people who are "just destined to be alone", are they really just missing their lid?

Partly asking in jest as it's how I feel now and again, been completely single for the last 5 years since divorcing and the thought of dating these days scares me. On any app? Need good pics and some witty lines... Err, arse.

Early 40s and feel like I need a lid that can do good hugs!

I've got an idea (okay it turned into a list) of what I'd want from a partner but it seems to be rather unicorn-esque, albeit all reasonable thoughts.

Edited by csd19 on Thursday 4th April 21:07

[BunkMoreland]

MitchT said:

Plenty of posturing narcissistic nobodies covered in makeup and photoshop to steal pics from on social media with no risk of them showing up on a reverse search...

For reasons known only to Instagram and its owners. I've been recently "suggested" a few accounts like that. There's a pretty decent looking girl probably mid late 20s, British from the accent.

And her entire profile is these weird 5 or 6s videos with her wearing something revealing, and then saying something idiotically vacuous to the camera like "would you talk to me" or sat at a desk pretending to work then looking up at the camera (flashing the cleavage) and saying "good morning" whilst trying to look seductive, but actually just looking like someone who cant act! There's even reels where she's got a friend with her and that girls videos are also just as stupid in the same vein. Both these 2 girls appear to have OF accounts too.

Obviously the comments are full of simps professing their love. I don't understand it! Even if I met these girls in real life in a coffee shop. I'd think they were ridiculous! Not interesting or someone I'd want to get to know. What's the angle that I'm missing here?

csd19 said:

Is that a definite though? You hear of some people who are "just destined to be alone", are they really just missing their lid?

Of course its not definite! You were born alone and you'll die alone. Don't waste time looking for someone that doesn't exist. Indulge your hobbies and your interests and your friends.

Don't be like so many tragic people that feel incomplete and lonely outside of a relationship. Even if that relationship is terrible. Embrace singledom!

Edited by BunkMoreland on Thursday 4th April 21:44

[csd19]

BunkMoreland said:

csd19 said:

Is that a definite though? You hear of some people who are "just destined to be alone", are they really just missing their lid?

Of course its not definite! You were born alone and you'll die alone. Don't waste time looking for someone that doesn't exist. Indulge your hobbies and your interests and your friends.

Don't be like so many tragic people that feel incomplete and lonely outside of a relationship. Even if that relationship is terrible. Embrace singledom!

Edited by BunkMoreland on Thursday 4th April 21:44

Oh I've done plenty of indulgence over the last 5 years, just getting that itch of wanting someone to indulge with. I'll maybe just buy some car parts or new tools to stem that off!

[bloomen]

I was messaging someone extremely promising only for her to shut her account down.

She sent a message at the same time but you can't read a message from a dud account.

It could've been 'you are the most disgusting thing I have ever encountered' or ' meet me at Skegness registry office tomorrow.' or somewhere inbetween.

I'll never know.

Entire futures pivot on such moments.

Edited by bloomen on Monday 8th April 19:44

[csd19]

So what's the current consensus on best apps to use? Still Hinge or Bumble for a more serious thing?

Or is it best to just ditch all of that and try in the real world?

Edited by csd19 on Monday 8th April 20:41

[ChemicalChaos]

csd19 said:

So what's the current consensus on best apps to use? Still Hinge or Bumble for a more serious thing?

Or is it best to just ditch all of that and try in the real world?

Edited by csd19 on Monday 8th April 20:41

I tended to avoid tinder and bumble, unless you are a permatanned vacuous instagram "model" with tippex teeth then you'll struggle to find a match and even then its likely to be casual at best.

I had by far the most luck (in terms of number of matches, albeit not dates or progressions therefrom) on hinge - not only are the people on there actual real, normal human beings, but the fact you have to comment on a picture or statement is an instant icebreaker and also means the woman gets a notification she can respond to, unlike the pure swiping apps where the algorithm may eventually possibly put you in the deck of someone you've swiped.

Having said that, I met my girlfriend - a truly compatible soulmate - on Facebook dating. Yes, its a thing, and yes there's some absolute council horror stories on there - but there's the occasional genuine, humble diamond not wanting to dip a toe into the shark infested waters of a pure dating app

[csd19]

ChemicalChaos said:

csd19 said:

So what's the current consensus on best apps to use? Still Hinge or Bumble for a more serious thing?

Or is it best to just ditch all of that and try in the real world?

Edited by csd19 on Monday 8th April 20:41

I tended to avoid tinder and bumble, unless you are a permatanned vacuous instagram "model" with tippex teeth then you'll struggle to find a match and even then its likely to be casual at best.

I had by far the most luck (in terms of number of matches, albeit not dates or progressions therefrom) on hinge - not only are the people on there actual real, normal human beings, but the fact you have to comment on a picture or statement is an instant icebreaker and also means the woman gets a notification she can respond to, unlike the pure swiping apps where the algorithm may eventually possibly put you in the deck of someone you've swiped.

Having said that, I met my girlfriend - a truly compatible soulmate - on Facebook dating. Yes, its a thing, and yes there's some absolute council horror stories on there - but there's the occasional genuine, humble diamond not wanting to dip a toe into the shark infested waters of a pure dating app

Thanks for the reply CC, I'll bear that in mind - and also great to have read that you've found a keeper All the best.

I'm not on Facebook unfortunately (fortunately?) and I'm not going to sell my soul to the Zuck just for the chance of a possible date, even if it is a decent starting point. I'm going to try and push myself out of my comfort zone and join a few clubs etc, meet new folk and then take it from there I think. If it doesn't pay off then at least I'll have made some new friends on the way

I'll check out the apps too...

[Adam.]

Second vote for Hinge

I found it to be great (thought being in London seems to help a lot).

Met a keeper a bit too early but certainly not grumbling

[Gigamoons]

5 years ago I enjoyed my time on bumble very much