Dating again when you aren't all that...

[siovey]

I wouldn't bother, op. When I get divorced I'm not bothering again and will enjoy a stress free single man's life. Love her to bits, but by God, she's a pain in the ae. Also , she probably thinks the same way about me.

[cobra kid]

S100HP said:

Whilst I hate the phrase "live your best life" I agree with the sentiment.

fk dating apps. Just look after yourself and enjoy the freedom to do what you want, when you want. Join clubs, do stuff that gets you out there socially and see what happens.

Edited by S100HP on Sunday 25th August 09:16

It's the latest chav buzz phrase

[80quattro]

I'm mid 40's, two kids, 16 year long relationship broke up almost 3 years ago. In my experience, a good start is rediscovering your identity as an individual, what you want to do with your free time, and with whom. Spend more time with friends and family, and think about what you want, and if you want to make any changes to your lifestyle. You can make decisions entirely by yourself now. Dating may or may not be part of this, and if you do it - as I have - times have changed massively since I was last single. Dating apps are where its at, and your experiences with them are down to how you use them, and the people you match with. I've met some great ladies, and some absolute morons. Be positive, and have fun ! You are right, it is definitely the opportunity to enjoy yourself, and life in general much more.

Thunderhead said:

Definitely a self estime thing, and good advise from a number of people around finding happiness in myself, but not an easy thing and something I haven't come close to achieving in a very long time, so maybe this is the opportunity I need to try.

I'm skeptical I'll ever be truly happy in myself but no harm in trying, physical appearance is looking at you every day and I'm really good at finding the bad, but have to try and better than taking a long walk off a short peer I suppose.

Edit: I think my want to have someone is driven by self estime, I feel better knowing someone accepts me, so have to move past that need.

Edited by Thunderhead on Sunday 25th August 10:39

[hyphen]

Thunderhead said:

So im single again after 15 years, and have to look at myself in the mirror and accept a few facts as I start the journey of finding someone new I can be happy with.

New catchy summer song, only came out yesterday. Stick it on repeat!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7OTdHYEXw8

[PAULJ5555]

Go to Pattaya Thailand, you will have girls falling at your feet - (if you pay them)

I have a few friends with Thai wives/girlfriends, not ones you pick up off the street but really nice girls who they met outside of the tourist spots. (Apparently)

The blokes tell me this, I have lived with/dated British girls for 20-30 years, they are spoiled, fat, selfish, loud mouthed, horrible people when you look inside. The Thai girlfriends are appreciative of everything as mostly they came from nothing a shack/hut in some cases.

[Lemming Train]

PAULJ5555 said:

The Thai girlfriends are appreciative of everything as mostly they came from nothing a shack/hut in some cases.

Well of course they are. The green light to a free health and social care service when you import them over here and being able to clean up by inheriting your gaff and assets in 20-30 years time when you pop your clogs is a small price to pay to love-you-long-time and let you have your wicked way with them. More often than not it doesn't get that far as the marriage and divorce a few years later cleans them out and sees them penniless, living in a crappy studio flat in a rough end of town struggling to make ends meet having lost everything. Seen it happen to a few work colleagues who all proudly proclaimed "she's different and not like all the others" at the start of the relationship.

[PAULJ5555]

Lemming Train said:

PAULJ5555 said:

The Thai girlfriends are appreciative of everything as mostly they came from nothing a shack/hut in some cases.

Well of course they are. The green light to a free health and social care service when you import them over here and being able to clean up by inheriting your gaff and assets in 20-30 years time when you pop your clogs is a small price to pay to love-you-long-time and let you have your wicked way with them. More often than not it doesn't get that far as the marriage and divorce a few years later cleans them out and sees them penniless, living in a crappy studio flat in a rough end of town struggling to make ends meet having lost everything. Seen it happen to a few work colleagues who all proudly proclaimed "she's different and not like all the others" at the start of the relationship.

Thats their words not mine.

Get them to sign a pre nup, if stupid enough to marry one.

[hyphen]

PAULJ5555 said:

Thats their words not mine.

Get them to sign a pre nup, if stupid enough to marry one.

And get the snip prior to your mail order bride being chucked over the fence by Yodel

[TheJimi]

TwigtheWonderkid said:

If you're doing on line dating and you're no oil painting, go with humour.

"Ugly, short, balding, tubby bloke the wrong side of 40, who values honesty above all else, seeks short sighted woman with low expectations."

What harm can it do?

OP, please don't do this ^^

Some thoughts of mine, in no particular order, and to repeat some thoughts that have already been given –

If you have self-esteem issues, whether borne of the physical or mental – do not use online dating / dating apps. 

Start training and lifting weights, with decent nutrition.  It cannot be overstated the net positive effect that will have on your life.  Plus, you’ll naturally develop friends, both male and female in the gym.

To follow on from that, make sure you look good naked. Being in good physical shape REALLY boosts things, both from the perspective of others, and in terms of your own self-esteem.  If you can’t easily, if at all, fix the other stuff like the skin condition, focus on the stuff you CAN fix.

How do you dress?  Do you wear well fitting clothes?  Or do you just chuck on whatever?  If the latter, this is a BIG easy win.  Wearing clothes that suit you, and are well fitted, make a HUGE difference to how you look to other people, and how you feel about yourself.

[V8covin]

TheJimi said:

OP, please don't do this ^^

Some thoughts of mine, in no particular order, and to repeat some thoughts that have already been given –

If you have self-esteem issues, whether borne of the physical or mental – do not use online dating / dating apps. 

Start training and lifting weights, with decent nutrition.  It cannot be overstated the net positive effect that will have on your life.  Plus, you’ll naturally develop friends, both male and female in the gym.

To follow on from that, make sure you look good naked. Being in good physical shape REALLY boosts things, both from the perspective of others, and in terms of your own self-esteem.  If you can’t easily, if at all, fix the other stuff like the skin condition, focus on the stuff you CAN fix.

How do you dress?  Do you wear well fitting clothes?  Or do you just chuck on whatever?  If the latter, this is a BIG easy win.  Wearing clothes that suit you, and are well fitted, make a HUGE difference to how you look to other people, and how you feel about yourself.

The vast majority of middle-aged women don't care what you look like naked,how big your muscles are or how big your knob is

[Council Baby]

Forget dating, it’s expensive, soul destroying and if you’re not all that to look at, really fking difficult to get anything over a 4/10.

Hookers are fixed price, don’t moan at you and fk off afterwards so you can play with cars.

You can have multiple hookers and keep your balls, you can’t say the same about girlfriends.

[TheJimi]

V8covin said:

TheJimi said:

OP, please don't do this ^^

Some thoughts of mine, in no particular order, and to repeat some thoughts that have already been given –

If you have self-esteem issues, whether borne of the physical or mental – do not use online dating / dating apps. 

Start training and lifting weights, with decent nutrition.  It cannot be overstated the net positive effect that will have on your life.  Plus, you’ll naturally develop friends, both male and female in the gym.

To follow on from that, make sure you look good naked. Being in good physical shape REALLY boosts things, both from the perspective of others, and in terms of your own self-esteem.  If you can’t easily, if at all, fix the other stuff like the skin condition, focus on the stuff you CAN fix.

How do you dress?  Do you wear well fitting clothes?  Or do you just chuck on whatever?  If the latter, this is a BIG easy win.  Wearing clothes that suit you, and are well fitted, make a HUGE difference to how you look to other people, and how you feel about yourself.

The vast majority of middle-aged women don't care what you look like naked,how big your muscles are or how big your knob is

Think about it. Read the OPs post.

He talks about his skin condition, he talks about disappointing someone by taking his shirt off.

So this is not just about appearances to others, it's improving his own perception of himself.

...and if you think women in their 40s suddenly don't care about the physical aspect...

[V8covin]

TheJimi said:

Think about it. Read the OPs post.

He talks about his skin condition, he talks about disappointing someone by taking his shirt off.

So this is not just about appearances to others, it's improving his own perception of himself.

...and if you think women in their 40s suddenly don't care about the physical aspect...

Face yes, body not so much....... I've probably had as much if not more experience of internet dating than anyone on this thread.
Most women are not attracted to muscular men and I'm not just talking about on dating sites I'm talking all women.Every survey supports that..... it's men who mistakenly think they are

[Lemming Train]

Council Baby said:

Forget dating, it’s expensive, soul destroying and if you’re not all that to look at, really fking difficult to get anything over a 4/10.

Hookers are fixed price, don’t moan at you and fk off afterwards so you can play with cars.

You can have multiple hookers and keep your balls, you can’t say the same about girlfriends.

Funny, but true.

[WinstonWolf]

V8covin said:

TheJimi said:

Think about it. Read the OPs post.

He talks about his skin condition, he talks about disappointing someone by taking his shirt off.

So this is not just about appearances to others, it's improving his own perception of himself.

...and if you think women in their 40s suddenly don't care about the physical aspect...

Face yes, body not so much....... I've probably had as much if not more experience of internet dating than anyone on this thread.
Most women are not attracted to muscular men and I'm not just talking about on dating sites I'm talking all women.Every survey supports that..... it's men who mistakenly think they are

I asked my Mrs what she first liked about me, "your broad back" was the answer.

If you're in good shape you feel better about yourself which is appealing to most women.

[TheJimi]

V8covin said:

TheJimi said:

Think about it. Read the OPs post.

He talks about his skin condition, he talks about disappointing someone by taking his shirt off.

So this is not just about appearances to others, it's improving his own perception of himself.

...and if you think women in their 40s suddenly don't care about the physical aspect...

Face yes, body not so much....... I've probably had as much if not more experience of internet dating than anyone on this thread.
Most women are not attracted to muscular men and I'm not just talking about on dating sites I'm talking all women.Every survey supports that..... it's men who mistakenly think they are

Big Arnie style physiques, yes, women don't tend to be into that look.

Being in good shape, relatively low body fat and a bit of muscle in all the right places? Women absolutely DO tend to appreciate that.

Edit: and that's STILL not my main point. It's about increasing the OP's very low confidence in his physical appearance.

Edited by TheJimi on Tuesday 27th August 15:14

[TheJimi]

WinstonWolf said:

V8covin said:

TheJimi said:

Think about it. Read the OPs post.

He talks about his skin condition, he talks about disappointing someone by taking his shirt off.

So this is not just about appearances to others, it's improving his own perception of himself.

...and if you think women in their 40s suddenly don't care about the physical aspect...

Face yes, body not so much....... I've probably had as much if not more experience of internet dating than anyone on this thread.
Most women are not attracted to muscular men and I'm not just talking about on dating sites I'm talking all women.Every survey supports that..... it's men who mistakenly think they are

I asked my Mrs what she first liked about me, "your broad back" was the answer.

If you're in good shape you feel better about yourself which is appealing to most women.

Your latter point is exactly what I was getting at in my first post. I obviously didn't spell it out in big enough letters for V8.

[Lemming Train]

TheJimi said:

OP, please don't do this ^^

Some thoughts of mine, in no particular order, and to repeat some thoughts that have already been given –

If you have self-esteem issues, whether borne of the physical or mental – do not use online dating / dating apps. 

Start training and lifting weights, with decent nutrition.  It cannot be overstated the net positive effect that will have on your life.  Plus, you’ll naturally develop friends, both male and female in the gym.

To follow on from that, make sure you look good naked. Being in good physical shape REALLY boosts things, both from the perspective of others, and in terms of your own self-esteem.  If you can’t easily, if at all, fix the other stuff like the skin condition, focus on the stuff you CAN fix.

How do you dress?  Do you wear well fitting clothes?  Or do you just chuck on whatever?  If the latter, this is a BIG easy win.  Wearing clothes that suit you, and are well fitted, make a HUGE difference to how you look to other people, and how you feel about yourself.

Agreed mostly, but he isn't going to enjoy the gym with self-esteem and appearance issues when the places are largely packed with people already in very good shape, so that's a non-starter. Also, telling people to work-out and just get fit is far, far easier said than done and will take years of hard work and dedication if he's let himself go.

[Nerfbat]

I'd suggest joining one or two local 'Meetup' groups. It's a great way to meet women without the pressure of dating - you're all there because you have a common interest, and if you get on particularly well with anyone there you can take it further.

[hyphen]

Guys, you are forgetting something.

Many guys don't enjoy going to the gym, they dont want to life weights. He may prefer a sport, or running.

Same with clothes, many guys are old skool.

So it's more about OP thinking about whether it's for him or not, and if not continue being himself.

There is someone for everyone.