Caught GF on POF.

[RB Will]

Good post from ESOG.
It’s worth thinking before commenting what impact your words might have.

I’ve had a similar experience to ESOG. Must be about 13 years ago now I came on here asking for help/ advice around a situation that had cropped up between me and my girlfriend of about a month.
I don’t remember anyone directly berating me but wouldn’t be surprised if there was the odd suggestion to man the fk up. My lasting memory is the general gist of replies was a lot of negativity about my GF and that I should get rid.
It put me in a really rubbish place mentally the memory of which will probably never leave me.
Turns out every one of the negative commenters were wrong and had I listened to them I would have sacked off the woman I’m now very happily married to.

It’s not all bad here though.

[ApOrbital]

RB that's cool that is well done

[Tyre Smoke]

The problem is doing your very dirty washing on a predominantly male, reddish motoring forum.

You are always going to get flippant remarks, willy waving and obviously powerfully built director types.

This is rarely the place for serious advice, or if it is, you need to take through a lot of dung before you spot the roses.

[Sheets Tabuer]

ApOrbital said:

That's sad i feel for you and the op.

He was pretty cut up at the time when he found the woman he loved in bed with me.

[Eyersey1234]

Good post from ESOG, I think sometimes people don't think before posting or don't realise the amount of damage their words can do.

[mjb1]

Tyre Smoke said:

The problem is doing your very dirty washing on a predominantly male, reddish motoring forum.

You are always going to get flippant remarks, willy waving and obviously powerfully built director types.

This is rarely the place for serious advice, or if it is, you need to take through a lot of dung before you spot the roses.

I agree, and with ESOG to a great extent. If you overlook all the OP's Inbetweeners-esque terminology, I think people would have taken him more seriously/sympathetically. Ultimately, there's only one reason someone joins a dating site and that's to interact with people they fancy. Sure their intentions might just be for a bit of flirting or to feel wanted, without ever going as far as a physical affair. If she just wanted attention and to be understood, then she'd have joined a mother's group or be talking to her female friends (if you've ever heard how most women talk to each other about intimate stuff, it's quite eye opening how honest and open they are compared to 'bloke's talk').

Having been in a mildly similar situation to the OP, I have to say that I think he'll find she was only actually upset about being caught, and it'll probably happen again, or escalate to worse. I appreciate that she's recently gone through pregnancy and child birth, and all the hormonal and lifestyle changes that accompany it. I can fully sympathise with that and that she probably doesn't feel sexy or horny right now, in some way's that's just nature's contraceptive. But that totally contradicts her going on POF and seeking the attention of other men. OP can give his missus all the back rubs and date nights in the world, but if she doesn't fancy him any more it's not happening.

The thing is, parenthood is obviously a massive change for a couple - all of a sudden there are dependent little ones that suck up all your time, energy and love. Traditionally it's less of a change for men because they carry on working while the woman does most of the parenting, and that's hard work in itself. Doing things as a couple becomes a thing of the past, even if you get a babysitter so you can have date nights - the kids are still there at the back of your mind, a worry, distraction and it'll be normal service resumed as soon as you get home. I think in the strongest relationships women realise that, and appreciate their man for being continuing the hunter-gatherer role. What I'm trying to say is that sex shouldn't be dependent on date nights and 'me time', in a strong relationship, man and woman both still fancy each other and the nooky happens regardless. It's all too common that (as the OP is finding), a man can do all the wining and dining, and other romantic stuff when a woman says she needs that to get her in the mood, but then she still doesn't get in the mood anyway. Often, what she really wants is that it needs someone else to get her in the mood.

OP is trapped now anyway - married with kids. He can't leave/kick her out (as some other people were advising). All he can do is try his very best to keep the relationship going. Best solution for all concerned if he can. Good luck.

[FocusRS3]

RB Will said:

Good post from ESOG.
It’s worth thinking before commenting what impact your words might have.

I’ve had a similar experience to ESOG. Must be about 13 years ago now I came on here asking for help/ advice around a situation that had cropped up between me and my girlfriend of about a month.
I don’t remember anyone directly berating me but wouldn’t be surprised if there was the odd suggestion to man the fk up. My lasting memory is the general gist of replies was a lot of negativity about my GF and that I should get rid.
It put me in a really rubbish place mentally the memory of which will probably never leave me.
Turns out every one of the negative commenters were wrong and had I listened to them I would have sacked off the woman I’m now very happily married to.

It’s not all bad here though.

What happened in your situation then ?

[FocusRS3]

ESOG said:

I caught the women i was in love with and had been with for a decade in the act of sex with another man and discovered other horrendous things about her shortly thereafter....
.

Christ that must have been horrendous and taken an age to get over.

Well done you for moving on .

[CS Garth]

Eyersey1234 said:

Good post from ESOG, I think sometimes people don't think before posting or don't realise the amount of damage their words can do.

I think the issue is the amount of machismo BS on here reaches epic proportions.

Most responses aren’t actually what they’d do - it’s just posturing to look hard on the internets.

The fact that half of them spend their waking lives dispensing advice on here can lead you to draw your own conclusions as to how how fulfilling their home lives are and ergo the quality of the advice given

[Genuine Barn Find]

FocusRS3 said:

ESOG said:

I caught the women i was in love with and had been with for a decade in the act of sex with another man and discovered other horrendous things about her shortly thereafter....
.

Christ that must have been horrendous and taken an age to get over.

Well done you for moving on .

Sorry..... tried to resist

What other horrendous things?

[ApOrbital]

[Total Drivin]

Thanks for the support ESOG.

We had a minor falling out on Sunday which again boiled down to me wanting to nail her tried Friday night when my oldest daughter slept at her grandmas excuse was she was tired and doesn't like it 'planned' so I took note and tried again as she was getting changed in the morning but again she wasn't interested.

I thought it would be third time lucky that night and suggested we should watch a film together in bed but again she wasn't interested which made me frustrated.

Sunday she knew something was up so I told her what and she said had she known she would have made the effort to come into the bedroom Saturday night.

Things were fine after that and she let me I say let me because I always feel it is a chore on her part have sex with her. Things have been good since. So she is at least making the effort.

It seems though no matter how much I dote on my other half and make sure she is ok and do all the housework (left work today to go home and put the weekly shop away so she didn't have to) and I got up with her lastnight with the baby even though I have work. I still feel she will constantly make up excuses as to why she doesn't want sex - too tired too stressed over one thing or another not in the mood headache etc. It gets to the point where I feel she has an excuse book with every excuse imaginable and it honestly starts to get you down after a while.

I work so my daughters can have nice things I very rarely buy anything for myself and when I do have extra money I send it to her.

Then I started to doubt myself. Was I not making her orgasm? Was my manhood too small? Did I rush things? She assures me I make her orgasm when we have sex plenty of foreplay with the focus being on her rather than me she never sucks my cock. No matter how much I tried to talk to her about it she’d shrug the subject off as if it didn’t matter and say there isn't anything to talk about which made me feel like absolute st. Then I found her on POF....

I've done a lot of soul searching in recent weeks and I will try my best to get us back on track she assures me she wants the same so we will see what the future brings.

[anonymous-user]

Great stuff.
It's like Ben Dover filming a Mills & Boon novel

[Tyre Smoke]

Take a couple of days off and look after the kids, do the washing, make the dinners, etc. Put yourself in her place.

See if you've enough energy for her to climb on your rigid flagpole and ride it until you are sore after a few bevvies wit the girls.

[Muzzer79]

I'm now convinced you must be a troll

Nevertheless, this thread is the gift that keeps on giving.

[Jcwjosh]

This has to be a wind up !

But in case its not .... the old mantra...' treat em mean, keep em keen' Has served me well.

Your last post has alarm bells ringing !

[anonymous-user]

Muzzer79 said:

I'm now convinced you must be a troll

Nevertheless, this thread is the gift that keeps on giving.

And the OP is playing it well. Posts just enough to hook the gullible and then goes quiet for a bit.

[CS Garth]

The quality of the grammar and general syntax in the last note was too good and gives the game away.

[Total Drivin]

Tyre Smoke said:

Take a couple of days off and look after the kids, do the washing, make the dinners, etc. Put yourself in her place.

I do the dishes and the baby bottles daily when I get in from work after tea.

I make my eldest daughters packed lunch daily in a morning before I go to work.

At least once a week if not twice I leave work to take my eldest to nursery so she doesn't have to get dressed/cart the baby up.

That is all between working 40 odd hours a week.

[Mafffew]

She's not going to be in the mood just because you picked up the fking Dyson.