Caught GF on POF.
Discussion
Drew106 said:
I know WTF. When did PH become a forum for White Knights?
I dont think it's that, more a comment that a relationship should be more than about just sex. Whereas the OP mentions the fact, many times, that his gf has rejected his advances while saying nothing else about what he likes about her, what she does for him, or what he does for her. If he just wants to get his dick wet he should go find a hooker or casual partner.
If he wants a relationship with someone who is the mother of his 2 children then there is far far more to it than sex, whatever language you use to describe it.
Funky Squirrel said:
Hard to explain but from my experience guys get frustrated by large things like finding her on a dating site, but with woman it seems to be a thousand little cuts that guys miss until it is too late.
As above posters said little things matter. Organising a babysitter and surprising her with a date night, giving her little gifts often, helping her more with kids/ house duties etc shows you care. I think us guys do care but are just bad at showing it to women in a way they understand.
I know I'll be labelled a hypocrite since I would always say move on, but I think this is saveable. Its not going to be easy and only you will know based on your OH's reaction. The main thing is communication. Clear your life of everything else. This is not only priority but the only thing you should concentrate on. Tell her that. Then start to work. Ship off the child to grandparents, aunts or uncles. Don't do the cheesey stuff tell her your decks have been cleared what does she want to do. Alpha male up and demand it. Then go and enjoy yourselves for a week. Don't push the sex initially cause if you do all the intimate stuff she'll be jumping on your bones before you know it. After that don't take her for granted. Talk and listen and then crack on.As above posters said little things matter. Organising a babysitter and surprising her with a date night, giving her little gifts often, helping her more with kids/ house duties etc shows you care. I think us guys do care but are just bad at showing it to women in a way they understand.
Good Luck
POF is probably the least threatening of all the dating sites - she is just a bit bored and looking for attention.
The key here is to get the spark back - enjoy time with other, regenerate attraction. The whole trying it on for sex and being rejected...boo hoo! She needs to feel sexy and to find you sexy. Don't try it on if you're not sure on the outcome. A cliche, but be more alpha. She should want to have sex with YOU.
Attraction is amplified by mystery - she needs excitement and so do you by the sounds of things. Book a weekend away, but try to mix things up a bit. Lead, don't follow. Simple things to be honest...try an activity you haven't done together, go for a nice dinner and try to order for her. Be a bit cheeky over dinner, lot's of eye contact and let her do the talking. Don't be too eager. The key is to try and generate some excitement. Then when you get in the lift for the hotel, grab her and kiss her passionately. She will be taking her clothes off before you even get to your room!
Seriously, if I can do the above with a complete stranger and go from dinner to no pants dance in a few dates, surely you should be able to do it with your wife (considering you have so much inside knowledge to utilise).
The above is a bit of a jump start - then you can add the value to the relationship. Spend more time together, take a bit more responsibility on around the kids etc.
The key here is to get the spark back - enjoy time with other, regenerate attraction. The whole trying it on for sex and being rejected...boo hoo! She needs to feel sexy and to find you sexy. Don't try it on if you're not sure on the outcome. A cliche, but be more alpha. She should want to have sex with YOU.
Attraction is amplified by mystery - she needs excitement and so do you by the sounds of things. Book a weekend away, but try to mix things up a bit. Lead, don't follow. Simple things to be honest...try an activity you haven't done together, go for a nice dinner and try to order for her. Be a bit cheeky over dinner, lot's of eye contact and let her do the talking. Don't be too eager. The key is to try and generate some excitement. Then when you get in the lift for the hotel, grab her and kiss her passionately. She will be taking her clothes off before you even get to your room!
Seriously, if I can do the above with a complete stranger and go from dinner to no pants dance in a few dates, surely you should be able to do it with your wife (considering you have so much inside knowledge to utilise).
The above is a bit of a jump start - then you can add the value to the relationship. Spend more time together, take a bit more responsibility on around the kids etc.
Dont make any sexual advances and when she wants some dont give it. Then give it 6 weeks. She'll be really happy, wont argue anymore and will leave you in peice alot in the week to hang out with her girlfriends, giving you time to watch the tv and babysit. You wont even notice the smell of aftershave as she will have such a radiant smile every night.
welshjon81 said:
Mr Whippy said:
Brads67 said:
VTECMFR said:
It's over move on, plenty more out there. Once a relationship gets to this point it's almost always unrecoverable.
Just make sure you are always amicable for your children.
What a load of crap.Just make sure you are always amicable for your children.
Plenty marriages, relationships, come back from a lot worse. It just seems people are too lazy to want to do anything about it.
I will say, if you asked her to get "your dick wet" you deserve everything you get.
I think the OP won’t have much luck with women if he talks about them like this on a public forum.
It’s relevant that his willingness to describe his relationship woes with such terminology, with total strangers, preserved for his kids to read when they’re adults, is probably an underlying factor in why his partner isn’t entirely happy.
Jeez if I’d read this kinda post, written by my Dad about my mum, I’d have thought him a right bell end.
CS Garth said:
I think you owe it to yourselves and your children to try and make this work.
Put yourself in her shoes. She’s basically existing to look after very demanding small children. I appreciate you work all day but it is very different to the constant demands kids place on you and this can erode the feeling of self worth for a mother.
She had a night out? This was probably a massive thing for her if she had been cooped up with children and it sounds like it took her back to life pre kids and you and she stupidly got carried away. Humans err and we all make mistakes - I think forgiveness is a sign of strength not weakness.
She is clearly repentant - that’s a positive start. However sexual urges for women are more an expression of emotional desire than for men - and being candid it sounds like you just want to get your pods off and this is probably reinforcing her view that she is a thing not a person.
Start to show an interest in her. Take her and the children out at the weekend, send her a card from your son/daughter thanking her for being an ace mum, get a baby sitter and take her out for a meal or other activity you enjoy.
Once you start doing this I think you’ll find that her and your family life will improve significantly (and you’ll probably get your pods off more to ??)
Absolutely correct.Put yourself in her shoes. She’s basically existing to look after very demanding small children. I appreciate you work all day but it is very different to the constant demands kids place on you and this can erode the feeling of self worth for a mother.
She had a night out? This was probably a massive thing for her if she had been cooped up with children and it sounds like it took her back to life pre kids and you and she stupidly got carried away. Humans err and we all make mistakes - I think forgiveness is a sign of strength not weakness.
She is clearly repentant - that’s a positive start. However sexual urges for women are more an expression of emotional desire than for men - and being candid it sounds like you just want to get your pods off and this is probably reinforcing her view that she is a thing not a person.
Start to show an interest in her. Take her and the children out at the weekend, send her a card from your son/daughter thanking her for being an ace mum, get a baby sitter and take her out for a meal or other activity you enjoy.
Once you start doing this I think you’ll find that her and your family life will improve significantly (and you’ll probably get your pods off more to ??)
A mother with young children has a very difficult time and it appears that she receives little real understanding, or much help, just demands for sex.
Thesprucegoose said:
Worth trying a marriage counselor?
That's likely to be a mistake when there's so much 'SWT' advice here from the social inadequates that have recommended he just walk out on his lover and mother of his two young children; what's the point, he might just as well sack her off now. FFS.Total Drivin said:
I admit I haven't been the best boyfriend in the world and I have taken her for granted.
Average day goes like this I go to work from 7 until (she is currently on maternity) she stays home all day looks after the kids cooks my tea for when I get in I eat go in the kitchen wash all the pots get the kids to bed and we both chill out then usually in separate rooms.
Whoever initiated this separate rooms thing, or if it was both of you, is not helping the situation. Average day goes like this I go to work from 7 until (she is currently on maternity) she stays home all day looks after the kids cooks my tea for when I get in I eat go in the kitchen wash all the pots get the kids to bed and we both chill out then usually in separate rooms.
For f
ks sake spend some quality time together in the evenings. Whether it is just chatting with a glass of wine, or binging a Netflix show together, whatever it doesn't matter. What is important is that you spend that time together. Of course it may all go sideways and you realise you both hate each other, but hey at least you're then both on the same page.
Robertj21a said:
CS Garth said:
I think you owe it to yourselves and your children to try and make this work.
Put yourself in her shoes. She’s basically existing to look after very demanding small children. I appreciate you work all day but it is very different to the constant demands kids place on you and this can erode the feeling of self worth for a mother.
She had a night out? This was probably a massive thing for her if she had been cooped up with children and it sounds like it took her back to life pre kids and you and she stupidly got carried away. Humans err and we all make mistakes - I think forgiveness is a sign of strength not weakness.
She is clearly repentant - that’s a positive start. However sexual urges for women are more an expression of emotional desire than for men - and being candid it sounds like you just want to get your pods off and this is probably reinforcing her view that she is a thing not a person.
Start to show an interest in her. Take her and the children out at the weekend, send her a card from your son/daughter thanking her for being an ace mum, get a baby sitter and take her out for a meal or other activity you enjoy.
Once you start doing this I think you’ll find that her and your family life will improve significantly (and you’ll probably get your pods off more to ??)
Absolutely correct.Put yourself in her shoes. She’s basically existing to look after very demanding small children. I appreciate you work all day but it is very different to the constant demands kids place on you and this can erode the feeling of self worth for a mother.
She had a night out? This was probably a massive thing for her if she had been cooped up with children and it sounds like it took her back to life pre kids and you and she stupidly got carried away. Humans err and we all make mistakes - I think forgiveness is a sign of strength not weakness.
She is clearly repentant - that’s a positive start. However sexual urges for women are more an expression of emotional desire than for men - and being candid it sounds like you just want to get your pods off and this is probably reinforcing her view that she is a thing not a person.
Start to show an interest in her. Take her and the children out at the weekend, send her a card from your son/daughter thanking her for being an ace mum, get a baby sitter and take her out for a meal or other activity you enjoy.
Once you start doing this I think you’ll find that her and your family life will improve significantly (and you’ll probably get your pods off more to ??)
A mother with young children has a very difficult time and it appears that she receives little real understanding, or much help, just demands for sex.
Trying to have sex isn't paying her attention.
Get a baby sitter. Take her out. Make her feel special. If money is tight, just get a daytime baby sitter for a few hours and go for a walk together.
Cook some meals (they can be quick) for you all. Batch cook if needed.
Do some washing.
Buy her some flowers.
Run her a nice bath and take the kids out for a few hours by yourself.
If you can afford it, get a cleaner for a few hours a week.
Do not underestimate how staggering challenging (mentally and physically) it is to look after two small children all day at home. Having a husband who comes home and wants sex is probably the very, very last thing on her mind. I'm not saying you aren't contributing but you need to see it from her side (I'm not justifying the POF stuff, just highlighting that there are 2 sides to the story)
Consider relationship counselling, but I'd start with the above.
Small people are very very hard work and couples often switch from "us" to basically being slaves to the small people.
It gets easier but not until they are at school, then it changes again.
Mr Whippy said:
welshjon81 said:
Mr Whippy said:
Brads67 said:
VTECMFR said:
It's over move on, plenty more out there. Once a relationship gets to this point it's almost always unrecoverable.
Just make sure you are always amicable for your children.
What a load of crap.Just make sure you are always amicable for your children.
Plenty marriages, relationships, come back from a lot worse. It just seems people are too lazy to want to do anything about it.
I will say, if you asked her to get "your dick wet" you deserve everything you get.
I think the OP won’t have much luck with women if he talks about them like this on a public forum.
It’s relevant that his willingness to describe his relationship woes with such terminology, with total strangers, preserved for his kids to read when they’re adults, is probably an underlying factor in why his partner isn’t entirely happy.
Jeez if I’d read this kinda post, written by my Dad about my mum, I’d have thought him a right bell end.
guitarcarfanatic said:
Simple things to be honest...try an activity you haven't done together, go for a nice dinner and try to order for her. Be a bit cheeky over dinner, lot's of eye contact and let her do the talking. Don't be too eager. The key is to try and generate some excitement. Then when you get in the lift for the hotel, grab her and kiss her passionately. She will be taking her clothes off before you even get to your room!
As she has two kids, her idea of heaven is probably a solid 10 hours sleep.welshjon81 said:
Mr Whippy said:
welshjon81 said:
Mr Whippy said:
Brads67 said:
VTECMFR said:
It's over move on, plenty more out there. Once a relationship gets to this point it's almost always unrecoverable.
Just make sure you are always amicable for your children.
What a load of crap.Just make sure you are always amicable for your children.
Plenty marriages, relationships, come back from a lot worse. It just seems people are too lazy to want to do anything about it.
I will say, if you asked her to get "your dick wet" you deserve everything you get.
I think the OP won’t have much luck with women if he talks about them like this on a public forum.
It’s relevant that his willingness to describe his relationship woes with such terminology, with total strangers, preserved for his kids to read when they’re adults, is probably an underlying factor in why his partner isn’t entirely happy.
Jeez if I’d read this kinda post, written by my Dad about my mum, I’d have thought him a right bell end.
If he wants to be told all women should be treated like princesses he could have gone to Mumsnet.Mr Whippy said:
Brads67 said:
VTECMFR said:
It's over move on, plenty more out there. Once a relationship gets to this point it's almost always unrecoverable.
Just make sure you are always amicable for your children.
What a load of crap.Just make sure you are always amicable for your children.
Plenty marriages, relationships, come back from a lot worse. It just seems people are too lazy to want to do anything about it.
I will say, if you asked her to get "your dick wet" you deserve everything you get.
I think the OP won’t have much luck with women if he talks about them like this on a public forum.
I suspect our OP has been watching too much porn and thinks that's what real life if like?
WinstonWolf said:
If he wants to be told all women should be treated like princesses he could have gone to Mumsnet.She brings this chaps kids up, puts his food on the table every night and gets pestered for sex.
A bit of respect, appreciation and affection hardly makes her a princess.
CS Garth said:
WinstonWolf said:
If he wants to be told all women should be treated like princesses he could have gone to Mumsnet.She brings this chaps kids up, puts his food on the table every night and gets pestered for sex.
A bit of respect, appreciation and affection hardly makes her a princess.
Had much success with women?!
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