Marriage - or not?

[slipstream 1985]

Tell her you don't want to get married and the reason is you have hidden a load of debts from her. You have 10s of 1000s owing on credit cards store cards and loans.

See if she still wants to marry?

[LosingGrip]

My girlfriend is making noises about it as well. Do I love her? Yes. Can I see myself spending the rest of my life with her? Yes.

We've just brought a flat together. I've just started a new career that had 22 weeks of classroom learning, 12 weeks of being tutored and then another year and a bit probation. It's going to be stressful.

Im not fussed about getting married. I've had to say that she won't be getting an engagement ring for xmas as she was dropping huge hints.

I know what will happen, we'll get engaged and shell want to start planning the wedding already. Might sound selfish a bit, but I want to concentrate on work and get my probation out of the way before I think about marriage.

Might say we'll get a dog instead...

[TT1138]

LosingGrip said:

My girlfriend is making noises about it as well. Do I love her? Yes. Can I see myself spending the rest of my life with her? Yes.

We've just brought a flat together. I've just started a new career that had 22 weeks of classroom learning, 12 weeks of being tutored and then another year and a bit probation. It's going to be stressful.

Im not fussed about getting married. I've had to say that she won't be getting an engagement ring for xmas as she was dropping huge hints.

I know what will happen, we'll get engaged and shell want to start planning the wedding already. Might sound selfish a bit, but I want to concentrate on work and get my probation out of the way before I think about marriage.

Might say we'll get a dog instead...

If you’re joining ‘the job’, I would advise don’t rush it. Divorce rates and broken relationships are rife, for good reason.

[Thales]

LosingGrip said:

My girlfriend is making noises about it as well. Do I love her? Yes. Can I see myself spending the rest of my life with her? Yes.

We've just brought a flat together. I've just started a new career that had 22 weeks of classroom learning, 12 weeks of being tutored and then another year and a bit probation. It's going to be stressful.

Im not fussed about getting married. I've had to say that she won't be getting an engagement ring for xmas as she was dropping huge hints.

I know what will happen, we'll get engaged and shell want to start planning the wedding already. Might sound selfish a bit, but I want to concentrate on work and get my probation out of the way before I think about marriage.

Might say we'll get a dog instead...

Are you too scared to let her know about your feelings? Sounds like hell.

[mojitomax]

Simple.

Marry someone richer than you then you don’t have to worry about giving away half your stuff.

[Bobberoo99]

As per normal there are some funny/strange/slanted views about marriage, reassuringly there are some, who like myself and Mrs Bobbers, are happily married, we've been together 26 years and married 24, yes we've had ups and downs, and yes we've had to work at it, sometimes very hard, but it's what has made our marriage stronger, communicating is everything when it comes to a relationship, if you're concerned about your financial standing after a break up then you are already questioning whether the marriage will work, it really should be all, or nothing when it comes to a relationship, it's the only way it will work.

[hyphen]

mojitomax said:

Simple.

Marry someone richer than you then you don’t have to worry about giving away half your stuff.

or someone with an comparable income.

Some of these we guys marry the air hostess, stretch for the dream home, buy her a brand new SUV every two years, 4 nice holidays a year and everything else. House cleaning, David Lloyds and anything else.

Then wonder why keeping her 'in the lifestyle she is accustomed to' means they end up on a bedsit.

Edited by hyphen on Wednesday 11th December 08:12

[Shnozz]

Let me get this right.

Before entering into this otherwise unnecessary contract of pure love and romanticism, dismiss any parties whose company may be perfect but their socio-economic status be insufficiently equal?

[Cold]

Shnozz said:

Let me get this right.

Before entering into this otherwise unnecessary contract of pure love and romanticism, dismiss any parties whose company may be perfect but their socio-economic status be insufficiently equal?

It does seem a little odd that the only time anyone seeks legal advice concerning marriage is when they want to end the contract and not during the run up to signing it.

[g3org3y]

hyphen said:

mojitomax said:

Simple.

Marry someone richer than you then you don’t have to worry about giving away half your stuff.

or someone with an comparable income.

Some of these we guys marry the air hostess, stretch for the dream home, buy her a brand new SUV every two years, 4 nice holidays a year and everything else. House cleaning, David Lloyds and anything else.

Then wonder why keeping her 'in the lifestyle she is accustomed to' means they end up on a bedsit.

Agreed.

As I said previously, IMO you need to marry someone with a similar outlook and mentality. They need to be an equal.

LosingGrip said:

My girlfriend is making noises about it as well. Do I love her? Yes. Can I see myself spending the rest of my life with her? Yes.

We've just brought a flat together. I've just started a new career that had 22 weeks of classroom learning, 12 weeks of being tutored and then another year and a bit probation. It's going to be stressful.

Im not fussed about getting married. I've had to say that she won't be getting an engagement ring for xmas as she was dropping huge hints.

I know what will happen, we'll get engaged and shell want to start planning the wedding already. Might sound selfish a bit, but I want to concentrate on work and get my probation out of the way before I think about marriage.

Might say we'll get a dog instead...

I don't think it's unreasonable to concentrate on your career at the moment. What does your gf do? How old is she? Has she got one eye on the future re children?

Wife and I are both GPs. We met when we were in our second year as junior doctors in hospital. We concentrated on our training and professional exams, completing them all before going down the marriage/house/family route.

Doctors often marry doctors. Partly it's because they are the people you mix with on a daily basis but also because of the shared experiences, career aspirations, outlook and mentality. There's equality in achievement (and approximately financially) and mutual respect. Those are important fundamentals for a relationship imho.

Going into relationships with massive disparity in both career and finances is going to be problematic. Especially when the richer party is wary of sharing (that whole split finances situation) and the poorer party thinks 'great, made it, now I can relax'.

[TwigtheWonderkid]

hyphen said:

Most guys die before their partners, so she would have 100% of it on your death bed. No marriage needed, just write a will.

Except if you're not married and you have a few bob, she won't get 100% of it. She'll get 60% of it. And the govt will get 40%.

[Cotty]

hyphen said:

or someone with an comparable income.

Some of these we guys marry the air hostess, stretch for the dream home, buy her a brand new SUV every two years, 4 nice holidays a year and everything else. House cleaning, David Lloyds and anything else.

Then wonder why keeping her 'in the lifestyle she is accustomed to' means they end up on a bedsit.

Never understood that why should she be kept 'in the lifestyle she is accustomed to'. The guy is not being kept 'in the lifestyle he is accustomed to'.

[Targarama]

slipstream 1985 said:

Tell her you don't want to get married and the reason is you have hidden a load of debts from her. You have 10s of 1000s owing on credit cards store cards and loans.

See if she still wants to marry?

Wish my ex had asked me this....

Still going to cost me a fair few bob to get out, she even suggested paying her debts was normal marital expenditure and shouldn't be considered in Form E. Nice of her. Oh and please include all my pensions from before we met. Meanwhile she doesn't even chase the father of her daughter for maintenance (he was before my time). Snakes with t1ts.

[markymarkthree]

We had both been married before and both of us had kids so one of the first things I did was have the snip. We weren't planning on getting married until someone said you will lose "death in service" and pension benefits if you dont. She is a nurse (NHS) and I was a postman so we were/are due a good pension. My believe was that if one of us popped our clogs the other one would get zilch. So we got married to protect our pensions. We have never celebrated it and genuinely we don't know the date, there is bit of paper somewhere but 23 years together seems to work ok. Cost of wedding less than £500.

I even spent £3 on a ribbon.

[Frank7]

Targarama said:

Wish my ex had asked me this....

Still going to cost me a fair few bob to get out, she even suggested paying her debts was normal marital expenditure and shouldn't be considered in Form E. Nice of her. Oh and please include all my pensions from before we met. Meanwhile she doesn't even chase the father of her daughter for maintenance (he was before my time). Snakes with t1ts.

If that’s really how you feel about women, I suggest that you
Google “Monasteries, and how to learn to love them”

[CanAm]

I think it was Katherine Hepburn who recommended, "Live close by and visit often" rather than marriage.

[hotchy]

Suppose I'm in the opposite camp to most, if I was to get married she has a load more assets than me. Technically I could become a glorified house husband. I couldnt handle that personally. I get 1 day off and feel bored out my skull by 9am. How girls do it, I dont know.

I wouldn't go marry someone with nothing though, just too risky.

Personally if you get divorced you should split the assets that's fair enough. I just dont get why do you then split your own money for the rest of your life? That's just mental.

[BoRED S2upid]

mojitomax said:

Simple.

Marry someone richer than you then you don’t have to worry about giving away half your stuff.

This in spades. Almost all the negative comments on here are about you loosing half your wealth to her when you divorce. Marry your equal or someone wealthier sit back and relax in your new found wealth.

[Robertj21a]

BoRED S2upid said:

This in spades. Almost all the negative comments on here are about you loosing half your wealth to her when you divorce. Marry your equal or someone wealthier sit back and relax in your new found wealth.

Which is, of course, in a reverse of roles, is precisely what many women do !!

[Cotty]

BoRED S2upid said:

This in spades. Almost all the negative comments on here are about you loosing half your wealth to her when you divorce. Marry your equal or someone wealthier sit back and relax in your new found wealth.

Throw in kids and it can easily be more that 50%.