Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 10ish)
Discussion
PixelpeepZ4 said:
Ron: We don't like scandals.
other ron: Nahhhhh, we don't like any kind of casual footwear.
Good one, though not as good a 'Titterin'.other ron: Nahhhhh, we don't like any kind of casual footwear.
When I was a design college, there was something similar...
a comic strip with characters including Dr. Engel Poise and
Stan Lee Knife.
MartG said:
Reminds me of the vicar playing a round of golf.
Another golfer comes up to him and says "I dont play much but do you fancy a bet on a round, £100 for who finishes first"
Vicar says "Yes, I dont play much myself, but I am not that bad, so yes I will take you on"
The other golfer wins and takes the vicars £100, and says to the vicar "I must be honest with you, I actually I teach golf, and have been playing for years, so I sort of conned you"
Vicar says "Oh thats no problem, you won it fair and square, but tell you what if you come to church on Sunday and bring your parents with you, I will marry them for nothing"
Vipers said:
Reminds me of the vicar playing a round of golf.
Another golfer comes up to him and says "I dont play much but do you fancy a bet on a round, £100 for who finishes first"
Vicar says "Yes, I dont play much myself, but I am not that bad, so yes I will take you on"
The other golfer wins and takes the vicars £100, and says to the vicar "I must be honest with you, I actually I teach golf, and have been playing for years, so I sort of conned you"
Vicar says "Oh thats no problem, you won it fair and square, but tell you what if you come to church on Sunday and bring your parents with you, I will marry them for nothing"
I have played golf with that vicar, he brought a Jack Rusell dog with him. At the first tee, the vicar played a lovely shot, straight down the fairway, the dog went onto its hind legs and and clapped using its front paws, same thing on the 2nd and 3rd. i was amazed.Another golfer comes up to him and says "I dont play much but do you fancy a bet on a round, £100 for who finishes first"
Vicar says "Yes, I dont play much myself, but I am not that bad, so yes I will take you on"
The other golfer wins and takes the vicars £100, and says to the vicar "I must be honest with you, I actually I teach golf, and have been playing for years, so I sort of conned you"
Vicar says "Oh thats no problem, you won it fair and square, but tell you what if you come to church on Sunday and bring your parents with you, I will marry them for nothing"
'tell me vicar, what happens if you play a bad shot'
'The dog turns somersaults'.
'How many somersaults does it do?'
'All depends on how hard I kick it'.
Robbo 27 said:
Vipers said:
Reminds me of the vicar playing a round of golf.
Another golfer comes up to him and says "I dont play much but do you fancy a bet on a round, £100 for who finishes first"
Vicar says "Yes, I dont play much myself, but I am not that bad, so yes I will take you on"
The other golfer wins and takes the vicars £100, and says to the vicar "I must be honest with you, I actually I teach golf, and have been playing for years, so I sort of conned you"
Vicar says "Oh thats no problem, you won it fair and square, but tell you what if you come to church on Sunday and bring your parents with you, I will marry them for nothing"
I have played golf with that vicar, he brought a Jack Rusell dog with him. At the first tee, the vicar played a lovely shot, straight down the fairway, the dog went onto its hind legs and and clapped using its front paws, same thing on the 2nd and 3rd. i was amazed.Another golfer comes up to him and says "I dont play much but do you fancy a bet on a round, £100 for who finishes first"
Vicar says "Yes, I dont play much myself, but I am not that bad, so yes I will take you on"
The other golfer wins and takes the vicars £100, and says to the vicar "I must be honest with you, I actually I teach golf, and have been playing for years, so I sort of conned you"
Vicar says "Oh thats no problem, you won it fair and square, but tell you what if you come to church on Sunday and bring your parents with you, I will marry them for nothing"
'tell me vicar, what happens if you play a bad shot'
'The dog turns somersaults'.
'How many somersaults does it do?'
'All depends on how hard I kick it'.
The priest says, "Oh okay, just say three Hail Marys and try to watch your language."
The man replies that he would like to confess as to why he said the "F-word". The priest sighs and tells him to continue.
"Well Father, I played golf on Sunday with my buddies instead of going to church."
The priest says, "And you got upset over that and swore?"
The man replied, "No, that wasn't why I swore. On the first tee I hooked my drive well left into the trees."
The priest said, "And that's when you swore."
The man replied, a little testily because of the constant interruptions, "No, it wasn't. When I walked up the fairway, I noticed my ball got a lucky bounce and I had a clear shot to the green. However, before I could hit the ball, a squirrel ran by and grabbed my ball and scurried up a tree."
The priest asked, "Is that when you said the 'F-word'?"
The man replied, "No, because an eagle then flew by and caught the squirrel in its sharp talons and flew away."
The priest let out a breath and queried, "Is that when you swore?"
The man replied, "No, because the eagle flew over the green and the dying squirrel let go of my golf ball and it landed within 5 inches of the hole."
The priest screamed, "Don't tell me you missed the f
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