Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 10ish)
Discussion
The madam opened the brothel door in Elko County, Nevada, and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
"May I help you, sir?" she asked.
"I want to see Valerie," the man replied.
"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else," said the madam.
"No, I must see Valerie," he replied.
Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $10,000 a visit.
Without hesitation, the man pulled out ten thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.
The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie.
Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was so very expensive. There were no discounts and the price was still $10,000. The gentleman did not blink an eye. Again, he pulled out a wad of cash, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, maybe a record in the history of brothels in Nevada, which date back into the early 1800s. But without hesitation he paid Valerie the ten grand and off they went upstairs.
After their session, Valerie said to the man, "No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?"
The man replied, "Billings, Montana."
"Really," she said. "I have family in Billings."
"I know," the man said. "I regret to tell you, but your sister died, and I am her attorney. She asked me to give you your $30,000 inheritance."
The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer
"May I help you, sir?" she asked.
"I want to see Valerie," the man replied.
"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else," said the madam.
"No, I must see Valerie," he replied.
Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $10,000 a visit.
Without hesitation, the man pulled out ten thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.
The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie.
Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was so very expensive. There were no discounts and the price was still $10,000. The gentleman did not blink an eye. Again, he pulled out a wad of cash, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, maybe a record in the history of brothels in Nevada, which date back into the early 1800s. But without hesitation he paid Valerie the ten grand and off they went upstairs.
After their session, Valerie said to the man, "No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?"
The man replied, "Billings, Montana."
"Really," she said. "I have family in Billings."
"I know," the man said. "I regret to tell you, but your sister died, and I am her attorney. She asked me to give you your $30,000 inheritance."
The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer
A blonde went into a world wide message centre to send a message to her mother overseas.
When the man told her it would cost £100, she exclaimed; "I don't have any money! But I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother."
The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect). "Anything?" he asked.
"Yes! Yes, anything!" the blonde promised.
"Well, then, just follow me", said the man as he walked towards the next room.
The blonde did as she was told and followed the man.
"Come in and close the door" the man said.
She did. He then said, "Now get on your knees."
She did.
"Now take down my zip," he instructed.
She did.'
"Now go ahead... Take it out...," he said.
She reached in and grabbed it with both hands. She then paused.
The man closed his eyes and whispered... "Well...go ahead."
The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it, and while holding it close to her lips... Tentatively she said...
"Hello Mum? Can you hear me?"
When the man told her it would cost £100, she exclaimed; "I don't have any money! But I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother."
The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect). "Anything?" he asked.
"Yes! Yes, anything!" the blonde promised.
"Well, then, just follow me", said the man as he walked towards the next room.
The blonde did as she was told and followed the man.
"Come in and close the door" the man said.
She did. He then said, "Now get on your knees."
She did.
"Now take down my zip," he instructed.
She did.'
"Now go ahead... Take it out...," he said.
She reached in and grabbed it with both hands. She then paused.
The man closed his eyes and whispered... "Well...go ahead."
The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it, and while holding it close to her lips... Tentatively she said...
"Hello Mum? Can you hear me?"
Frank7 said:
A blonde went into a world wide message centre to send a message to her mother overseas.
When the man told her it would cost £100, she exclaimed; "I don't have any money! But I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother."
The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect). "Anything?" he asked.
"Yes! Yes, anything!" the blonde promised.
"Well, then, just follow me", said the man as he walked towards the next room.
The blonde did as she was told and followed the man.
"Come in and close the door" the man said.
She did. He then said, "Now get on your knees."
She did.
"Now take down my zip," he instructed.
She did.'
"Now go ahead... Take it out...," he said.
She reached in and grabbed it with both hands. She then paused.
The man closed his eyes and whispered... "Well...go ahead."
The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it, and while holding it close to her lips... Tentatively she said...
"Hello Mum? Can you hear me?"
Pink Floyd might pen a song about it - Is There anybody Out There"?When the man told her it would cost £100, she exclaimed; "I don't have any money! But I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother."
The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect). "Anything?" he asked.
"Yes! Yes, anything!" the blonde promised.
"Well, then, just follow me", said the man as he walked towards the next room.
The blonde did as she was told and followed the man.
"Come in and close the door" the man said.
She did. He then said, "Now get on your knees."
She did.
"Now take down my zip," he instructed.
She did.'
"Now go ahead... Take it out...," he said.
She reached in and grabbed it with both hands. She then paused.
The man closed his eyes and whispered... "Well...go ahead."
The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it, and while holding it close to her lips... Tentatively she said...
"Hello Mum? Can you hear me?"
Before the lock down our local darts club were reminiscing about the time they were invited to a contest on the West Coast of the States in a
Darts themed dancehall, boards all over the place, floor marked out with oches , it was run by a rather large onner ,well large to us but normal out there
.
Suddenly one of the chaps got all dewy eyed remembering he had left his best set of arrows there
I left my darts in Fat Sams Disco he recalled
Darts themed dancehall, boards all over the place, floor marked out with oches , it was run by a rather large onner ,well large to us but normal out there
.
Suddenly one of the chaps got all dewy eyed remembering he had left his best set of arrows there
I left my darts in Fat Sams Disco he recalled
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