Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 10ish)
Discussion
Lordbenny said:
Vipers said:
I just know that will be wasted on some.
Why? It’s pretty self explanatory!rayny said:
Vipers said:
To all my scouse friends out there, you are being offered a jab, not a job.
So don't panic.
Good to see you on top form vipers.So don't panic.
but as always I am but the messenger.I remember the burgular alarm for houses in Liverpool, just put a sign on the front door saying "Job centre"
Vipers said:
but as always I am but the messenger.I remember the burgular alarm for houses in Liverpool, just put a sign on the front door saying "Job centre"
A scouser walked into the local job centre, marched straight up to the counter and said "Hi, I'm looking for a job".
The man behind the counter replied "Your timing is amazing. We've just got one in from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac twin daughters. You'll have to drive around a big black Mercedes and wear the uniform provided. The hours are a bit long but the meals are provided. You also have to escort the young ladies on their overseas holidays. The Salary package is £200,000 a year".
The Scouser said "You're bullsh*tting me!"
The man behind the counter said "Well, you started it!"
Laurel Green said:
Vipers said:
but as always I am but the messenger.I remember the burgular alarm for houses in Liverpool, just put a sign on the front door saying "Job centre"
Reminded me of another that am sure has been on here before;A scouser walked into the local job centre, marched straight up to the counter and said "Hi, I'm looking for a job".
The man behind the counter replied "Your timing is amazing. We've just got one in from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac twin daughters. You'll have to drive around a big black Mercedes and wear the uniform provided. The hours are a bit long but the meals are provided. You also have to escort the young ladies on their overseas holidays. The Salary package is £200,000 a year".
The Scouser said "You're bullsh*tting me!"
The man behind the counter said "Well, you started it!"
Nimby said:
Vipers said:
A young family moved into a house next door to an empty plot. One day, a gang of building workers turned up to start building on the plot.
The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers.
She hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important....
You posted that four years ago today!The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers.
She hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important....
Following on the employment/not wanting a job theme.
There's a huge demonstration against unemployment, they're shouting
"We want work, we want work"
and
"What do we want" - "Jobs" - "When do we want them" - "Now"
A business man watching walks into the crowd, goes up to a guy and says "I need a chauffeur / odd job man, I'll pay you £40,000 a year.
The protester said "Oh, FFS, there's 100,000 people protesting, and you pick me"
There's a huge demonstration against unemployment, they're shouting
"We want work, we want work"
and
"What do we want" - "Jobs" - "When do we want them" - "Now"
A business man watching walks into the crowd, goes up to a guy and says "I need a chauffeur / odd job man, I'll pay you £40,000 a year.
The protester said "Oh, FFS, there's 100,000 people protesting, and you pick me"
john2443 said:
Following on the employment/not wanting a job theme.
There's a huge demonstration against unemployment, they're shouting
"We want work, we want work"
and
"What do we want" - "Jobs" - "When do we want them" - "Now"
A business man watching walks into the crowd, goes up to a guy and says "I need a chauffeur / odd job man, I'll pay you £40,000 a year.
The protester said "Oh, FFS, there's 100,000 people protesting, and you pick me"
Or the bumper sticker that was around in South Africa some years ago that said "WE WANT JOBS, NOT WORK".There's a huge demonstration against unemployment, they're shouting
"We want work, we want work"
and
"What do we want" - "Jobs" - "When do we want them" - "Now"
A business man watching walks into the crowd, goes up to a guy and says "I need a chauffeur / odd job man, I'll pay you £40,000 a year.
The protester said "Oh, FFS, there's 100,000 people protesting, and you pick me"
mybrainhurts said:
Nimby said:
Vipers said:
A young family moved into a house next door to an empty plot. One day, a gang of building workers turned up to start building on the plot.
The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers.
She hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important....
You posted that four years ago today!The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers.
She hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important....
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