Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 10ish)
Discussion
HOUSE!!!
A newby arrived in prison one day and every so often someone would shout out a number which was followed by everyone else laughing. After a few days of hearing it, he asked what it was all about.
It was explained that the long term inmates had heard all the jokes so just referred to them by numbers.
Eventually he plucked up the courage to join in -
‘Number 53!’ he shouted. Nobody laughed and he asked his cell-mate why.
The reply was ‘It’s the way you tell them’
It was explained that the long term inmates had heard all the jokes so just referred to them by numbers.
Eventually he plucked up the courage to join in -
‘Number 53!’ he shouted. Nobody laughed and he asked his cell-mate why.
The reply was ‘It’s the way you tell them’
57Ford said:
A newby arrived in prison one day and every so often someone would shout out a number which was followed by everyone else laughing. After a few days of hearing it, he asked what it was all about.
It was explained that the long term inmates had heard all the jokes so just referred to them by numbers.
Eventually he plucked up the courage to join in -
‘Number 53!’ he shouted. Nobody laughed and he asked his cell-mate why.
The reply was ‘It’s the way you tell them’
Maybe he should have tried number 32 or number 86.It was explained that the long term inmates had heard all the jokes so just referred to them by numbers.
Eventually he plucked up the courage to join in -
‘Number 53!’ he shouted. Nobody laughed and he asked his cell-mate why.
The reply was ‘It’s the way you tell them’
Laurel Green said:
Messenger or not it is a good 'un, Vipers. ;thumbup: Reminded me of another that am sure has been on here before;
A scouser walked into the local job centre, marched straight up to the counter and said "Hi, I'm looking for a job".
The man behind the counter replied "Your timing is amazing. We've just got one in from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac twin daughters. You'll have to drive around a big black Mercedes and wear the uniform provided. The hours are a bit long but the meals are provided. You also have to escort the young ladies on their overseas holidays. The Salary package is £200,000 a year".
The Scouser said "You're bullsh*tting me!"
The man behind the counter said "Well, you started it!"
Late to the party but: A scouser walked into the local job centre, marched straight up to the counter and said "Hi, I'm looking for a job".
The man behind the counter replied "Your timing is amazing. We've just got one in from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac twin daughters. You'll have to drive around a big black Mercedes and wear the uniform provided. The hours are a bit long but the meals are provided. You also have to escort the young ladies on their overseas holidays. The Salary package is £200,000 a year".
The Scouser said "You're bullsh*tting me!"
The man behind the counter said "Well, you started it!"
A scousers sat in a pub and a prostitute walks over and asks if he would like a blowjob. The scouser immediately head butts the woman in the face, then walks away to the bar.
The barman says “why the hell did you do that?, what did she say?!”
The scouser replies “oh, somethin about a job”
up there, so fA German lorry driver appeared in the Magistrates court accused of exceeding the speed limit and of assisting illegal immigrants to enter this country unlawfully.
When the magistrate asked the defendant for his name and address, he just shrugged and indicated that he didn't understand English.
As there was no court interpreter, the magistrate asked the gallery if anyone could speak German and interpret.
A slightly inebriated gentleman who was in the building at the time in order to escape the biting cold outside, held up his hand.
'Would you please approach the defendant and ask for his name and address'
The gentleman walked a little unsteadily to where the German was sitting, took a deep breath, placed his face a few inches away from the German,and shouted, 'VOT ISS YOUR NAME'.
The court erupted, the pseudo interpreter was led from the court and fined £100 for contempt.
When the magistrate asked the defendant for his name and address, he just shrugged and indicated that he didn't understand English.
As there was no court interpreter, the magistrate asked the gallery if anyone could speak German and interpret.
A slightly inebriated gentleman who was in the building at the time in order to escape the biting cold outside, held up his hand.
'Would you please approach the defendant and ask for his name and address'
The gentleman walked a little unsteadily to where the German was sitting, took a deep breath, placed his face a few inches away from the German,and shouted, 'VOT ISS YOUR NAME'.
The court erupted, the pseudo interpreter was led from the court and fined £100 for contempt.
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