Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 10ish)
Discussion
davhill said:
It was a sunny afternoon and several birds were perching in a tree.
A lovely white dove blushed and said, "I'm a little dove and I've had a little love."
A blue tit had arrived just in time to hear this. It too was blushing.
It said, "I'm a little tit and I've had a little bit."
And a plaintive voice came from ground level...
"...I'm a little drake...and it's all a big mistake."
Bet Zippy and Bungle laughed A lovely white dove blushed and said, "I'm a little dove and I've had a little love."
A blue tit had arrived just in time to hear this. It too was blushing.
It said, "I'm a little tit and I've had a little bit."
And a plaintive voice came from ground level...
"...I'm a little drake...and it's all a big mistake."
Two women were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other, a Chihuahua. As they walked down the street, the one with the Doberman said to her friend, "Let's go over to that bar for a drink."
The lady with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."
The one with the Doberman said, "Just watch, and do as I do."
They walked over to the bar and the one with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in.
The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."
The woman with the Doberman said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."
The bouncer said, "A Doberman?"
The woman said, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good."
The bouncer said, "OK, come on in."
The lady with the Chihuahua thought that convincing him that a Chihuahua was a seeing-eye dog may be a bit more difficult, but thought, "What the heck," so she put on her dark glasses and started to walk in.
Once again the bouncer said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."
The woman said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."
The bouncer said, "A Chihuahua?"
The woman with the Chihuahua said, ......."A Chihuahua? They gave me a Chihuahua??!"
Following my latest attempt at bodywory work modifications ( had another shunt! took )my car so I took it to my local mechanic. After a quick inspection heasked me when each one occurred after that he had another look round it and said '
'I'm going to have to drill it and it will need an anaesthetic.
I said 'Do you know what you're doing?
He said 'I'm fully qualified in dent history'.
'I'm going to have to drill it and it will need an anaesthetic.
I said 'Do you know what you're doing?
He said 'I'm fully qualified in dent history'.
An old, tired-looking dog wanders into a guy's yard. He examines the dog's collar and feels his well-fed belly and knows the dog has a home.
The dog follows him into the house, goes down the hall, jumps on the couch, gets comfortable and falls asleep. The man thinks its rather odd, but lets him sleep. After about an hour the dog wakes up, walks to the door and the guy lets him out. The dog wags his tale and leaves.
The next day the dog comes back and scratches at the door. The guy opens the door, the dog comes in, goes down the hall, jumps on the couch, gets comfortable and falls asleep again. The man lets him sleep. After about an hour the dog wakes up, walks to the door and the guy lets him out. The dog wags his tale and leaves.
This goes on for days. The guy grows really curious, so he pins a note on the dog's collar: "Your dog has been taking a nap at my house every day."
The next day the dog arrives with another note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a home with four children -- he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?'
The dog follows him into the house, goes down the hall, jumps on the couch, gets comfortable and falls asleep. The man thinks its rather odd, but lets him sleep. After about an hour the dog wakes up, walks to the door and the guy lets him out. The dog wags his tale and leaves.
The next day the dog comes back and scratches at the door. The guy opens the door, the dog comes in, goes down the hall, jumps on the couch, gets comfortable and falls asleep again. The man lets him sleep. After about an hour the dog wakes up, walks to the door and the guy lets him out. The dog wags his tale and leaves.
This goes on for days. The guy grows really curious, so he pins a note on the dog's collar: "Your dog has been taking a nap at my house every day."
The next day the dog arrives with another note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a home with four children -- he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?'
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