Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 10ish)

[mybrainhurts]

StevieBee said:

nonsequitur said:

Jonboy_t said:

I used to have a BA Baracus sat nav. Was pretty good but wouldn’t go near an airport.

Replaced that with a Bonnie Tyler one, but went to France once and couldn’t find my way back. Got told it was faulty so did a software upgrade but it then kept telling me to turn around.

My Frank Sinatra Sat-Nav kept telling me something stupid like fly me to the moon. But no. I did it my way.

Think yourself lucky. I had a Supertramp SatNav and all it did was keep taking me The Long Way Home

Don't even think about the Diane Abbott one, it thinks everywhere is eleventy six miles away.

[Halmyre]

Kenty said:

Something a little bit different for this thread, caption this!

"Dog-owners are alerted to a dangerous duo of canine killers. While one young woman distracts the owner by gazing at his genital area, the other surreptitiously slides under the dog and strangles it with her bare hands."

[mybrainhurts]

Kenty said:

The cunning plan is this...if he craps on her, I won't have to take it home.

[stuartmmcfc]

Kenty said:

Something a little bit different for this thread, caption this!

Old gypsy trick has an update

[633Squadron]

Woman to man: Yes....It's a crossbreed.

[tribalsurfer]

633Squadron said:

Woman to man: Yes....It's a crossbreed.

Doesn't look that angry to me.

[mybrainhurts]

tribalsurfer said:

633Squadron said:

Woman to man: Yes....It's a crossbreed.

Doesn't look that angry to me.

That's how they kill you, you think you're safe, then...boom.

[V8mate]

Kenty said:

Something a little bit different for this thread, caption this!

"Once she realised that her strap-on was stuck fast, we decided to go to the hospital. But the dog got so heavy hanging off the front of her, she decided to lie down for a bit."

[mybrainhurts]

V8mate said:

Kenty said:

Something a little bit different for this thread, caption this!

"Once she realised that her strap-on was stuck fast, we decided to go to the hospital. But the dog got so heavy hanging off the front of her, she decided to lie down for a bit."

For a bit of what?

[vaud]

A bit of ruff?

[SCEtoAUX]

Kenty said:

Something a little bit different for this thread, caption this!

Imogen paid up, embarrased that she'd misheard Pedro's offer of a cock or spaniel.

[StevieBee]

I need to spend less time reading Viz but this lead to an audible Fnarr Fnarr today!

[nonsequitur]

tribalsurfer said:

633Squadron said:

Woman to man: Yes....It's a crossbreed.

Doesn't look that angry to me.

V. Good

[Palooka]

nonsequitur said:

V. Good

She feels it's the dog's boll#cks too!

[Don1]

Did you know the Mortal Kombat soundtrack is created around Scandinavian religious music?

Its based on a Finnish Hymn.

[r159]

You’re going to need a big poo bag for that...

[67Dino]

Former Drug Squad dogs make excellent pets, although some habits are hard to train out.

[MartG]

[Hugo a Gogo]

Don1 said:

Did you know the Mortal Kombat soundtrack is created around Scandinavian religious music?

Its based on a Finnish Hymn.

Kitten dissection: Finland is not actually Scandinavia, perhaps substitute 'Nordic religious music'

[Don1]

Tsk. I give you gold, you give me dead kittens.