Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 10ish)
Discussion
nonsequitur said:
Monkeylegend said:
nonsequitur said:
HighwayToHull said:
MartG already explained; no captain or goalie.
Do keep up at the back.
Angela Merkel has a different coloured top. She must be the goalie.Do keep up at the back.
t??? 
A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for £500. They did their thing, and before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but he would have his secretary write a cheque and mail it to her, calling the payment “RENT FOR APPARTMENT”
On the way to the office, he regretted what he had done, realising that the whole event had not been worth the price, so he had his secretary send a cheque for £250 and enclose the following note.
Dear Madam,
Enclosed find a cheque for £250 for the rent of the apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I entered the place, I was under the impression that:
1. It had never been occupied
2. There was plenty of heat, and
3. It was small enough to make me feel cosy and at home,
However I found out that:
1. It had been previously occupied
2. There wasn’t any heat, and
3. It was entirely too large.
Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the cheque for £250 with the following note.
Dear Sir,
1. I cannot understand how you could expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely
2. As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on.
3. Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don’t have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the management.
Please send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present landlady
On the way to the office, he regretted what he had done, realising that the whole event had not been worth the price, so he had his secretary send a cheque for £250 and enclose the following note.
Dear Madam,
Enclosed find a cheque for £250 for the rent of the apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I entered the place, I was under the impression that:
1. It had never been occupied
2. There was plenty of heat, and
3. It was small enough to make me feel cosy and at home,
However I found out that:
1. It had been previously occupied
2. There wasn’t any heat, and
3. It was entirely too large.
Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the cheque for £250 with the following note.
Dear Sir,
1. I cannot understand how you could expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely
2. As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on.
3. Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don’t have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the management.
Please send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present landlady
So this passenger taps the taxi driver on the shoulder; the driver craps himself, swerves, nearly hits a bus and stops inches from a shop window and sits there dazed and sweaty.
Christ, you're jumpy! I only touched your shoulder.
Sorry says the cabbie, its my first day on the job - I've been driving a bloody hearse for the last 20 years.
Christ, you're jumpy! I only touched your shoulder.
Sorry says the cabbie, its my first day on the job - I've been driving a bloody hearse for the last 20 years.
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