Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 10ish)
Discussion
Ralph was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter’s birthday, and he hadn’t bought her a present. He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store, and he asked the store manager, ‘How much is that new Barbie in the window?’ The manager replied, ‘Which one? We have Gym Barbie for £19.95, Ball Barbie for £19.95, Shopping Barbie for £19.95, Beach Barbie for £19.95, and Divorced Barbie for £375.00.’ ‘Why is the Divorced Barbie £375.00 when all the others are £19.95?’ Ralph asked, surprised. The manager replied, ‘Well, Divorced Barbie comes with Ken’s car, Ken’s house, Ken’s boat, Ken’s dog, Ken’s cat, and Ken’s furniture.
Davetheraver said:
Ralph was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter’s birthday, and he hadn’t bought her a present. He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store, and he asked the store manager, ‘How much is that new Barbie in the window?’ The manager replied, ‘Which one? We have Gym Barbie for £19.95, Ball Barbie for £19.95, Shopping Barbie for £19.95, Beach Barbie for £19.95, and Divorced Barbie for £375.00.’ ‘Why is the Divorced Barbie £375.00 when all the others are £19.95?’ Ralph asked, surprised. The manager replied, ‘Well, Divorced Barbie comes with Ken’s car, Ken’s house, Ken’s boat, Ken’s dog, Ken’s cat, and Ken’s furniture.
Not really a joke, but it did make me smile. Prince Harry was at Abbey Road Studios where Bon Jovi was recording a number for the Prince's Trust. Apparently Harry did sing at some point during the song and Bon Jovi was asked how well did Harry sing. BJ wouldn't say, but did say that perhaps he should now be known as 'the artist formally known as Prince'. 
Laurel Green said:
Not really a joke, but it did make me smile. Prince Harry was at Abbey Road Studios where Bon Jovi was recording a number for the Prince's Trust. Apparently Harry did sing at some point during the song and Bon Jovi was asked how well did Harry sing. BJ wouldn't say, but did say that perhaps he should now be known as 'the artist formally known as Prince'.
Watching the news on telly just now, the OH said "Is there any good news", well that remark revived an old joke tucked away in my little grey cells, hope I get it right.
Buisnessman returning from an overseas trip is met by his chauffeur.
On the way home the conversation goes like this.
"Anything happened whilst I was away James"
"Well I am sorry sir to tell you your racehorse died"
"My throughbread race horse died, what happened"
"Smoke inhallation sir"
"Smoke inhallation what do you mean"
"When the barn burnt down sir"
"My listed barn burnt down, how"
"It was a spark from the house sir"
"A spark from the house, what happened there"
"Well when the house burnt down a spark drifted over the barn and it caught alight"
"My Georgian listed house burnt down, how"
"It was when a candle fell over and caught the curtains alight"
"Candels, we don't use candles"
"Sorry sir but when you were away, your mother died, and they put her coffin in the parlour and lit some candles"
"So your telling me my mother died, they put some candles on her coffin, one fell over caught the curtains alight, my Georgian listed house burnt down, a spark caught the listed barn alight, it burnt down and my throughbread horse died of smoke inhalltion, is there any good news"
"Well sir with all the heat your daffodils came up early"
Buisnessman returning from an overseas trip is met by his chauffeur.
On the way home the conversation goes like this.
"Anything happened whilst I was away James"
"Well I am sorry sir to tell you your racehorse died"
"My throughbread race horse died, what happened"
"Smoke inhallation sir"
"Smoke inhallation what do you mean"
"When the barn burnt down sir"
"My listed barn burnt down, how"
"It was a spark from the house sir"
"A spark from the house, what happened there"
"Well when the house burnt down a spark drifted over the barn and it caught alight"
"My Georgian listed house burnt down, how"
"It was when a candle fell over and caught the curtains alight"
"Candels, we don't use candles"
"Sorry sir but when you were away, your mother died, and they put her coffin in the parlour and lit some candles"
"So your telling me my mother died, they put some candles on her coffin, one fell over caught the curtains alight, my Georgian listed house burnt down, a spark caught the listed barn alight, it burnt down and my throughbread horse died of smoke inhalltion, is there any good news"
"Well sir with all the heat your daffodils came up early"
Can anyone remember the joke that went something like:
Doctor: I’ve got some good news and some bad news.
Bad news is we cut your b
ks off not your piles
Good news: we’ve.... and enrolled you in the Dagenham Girl Pipers
All bits are wrong but you get the drift. Hopefully someone will know....
Doctor: I’ve got some good news and some bad news.
Bad news is we cut your b
ks off not your pilesGood news: we’ve.... and enrolled you in the Dagenham Girl Pipers
All bits are wrong but you get the drift. Hopefully someone will know....
V6 Pushfit said:
Can anyone remember the joke that went something like:
Doctor: I’ve got some good news and some bad news.
Bad news is we cut your bks off not your piles
Good news: we’ve.... and enrolled you in the Dagenham Girl Pipers
All bits are wrong but you get the drift. Hopefully someone will know....
No, but the good news and bad news for a bloke with a gangerous leg.Doctor: I’ve got some good news and some bad news.
Bad news is we cut your b
ks off not your pilesGood news: we’ve.... and enrolled you in the Dagenham Girl Pipers
All bits are wrong but you get the drift. Hopefully someone will know....
Doc, "Good news and bad news I'm afraid sir"
"Whats the good news Doc"
"Your bad leg we going to amputate is getting better"
"Whats the bad news then"
"We cut the wrong leg off.
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