Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 10ish)
Discussion
Skyedriver said:
Vipers said:
Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap.
Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress.
He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand , and heads back to the showers.
He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue.
The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks. The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood.
Startled, he drops a bar of soap. "Oh look" says the first nun, "it's a soap dispenser".
To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood.
Sure enough, he drops the second bar of soap.
Now the third nun decides to have a go.
She pulls once, then twice and three times but nothing happens. So she gives several more tugs, then yells...
"Holy Mary, Mother of God, HAND LOTION TOO!"
Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress.
He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand , and heads back to the showers.
He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue.
The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks. The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood.
Startled, he drops a bar of soap. "Oh look" says the first nun, "it's a soap dispenser".
To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood.
Sure enough, he drops the second bar of soap.
Now the third nun decides to have a go.
She pulls once, then twice and three times but nothing happens. So she gives several more tugs, then yells...
"Holy Mary, Mother of God, HAND LOTION TOO!"
A husband and wife were celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary and a newspaper reporter had been sent to cover the occasion.
"You look remarkably healthy for your age" said the reporter.
The wife replied: "Well thank you and I'll have you know I have never had one sick day in my entire life."
"So you never been bedridden", replied the reporter?
"Oh yes, thousands of times", she said "And twice in a golf buggy"!
"You look remarkably healthy for your age" said the reporter.
The wife replied: "Well thank you and I'll have you know I have never had one sick day in my entire life."
"So you never been bedridden", replied the reporter?
"Oh yes, thousands of times", she said "And twice in a golf buggy"!
Edited by Vipers on Monday 28th June 21:22
A Little Old Lady was running up and down the halls in a Nursing Home. As She walked, she would flip up the Hem of her Nightgown and say "Supersex".
Walking Up to an Elderly Man in a Wheelchair and Flipping up Her Gown at him, she said "Supersex".
He Sat Quietly for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the Soup'...
Walking Up to an Elderly Man in a Wheelchair and Flipping up Her Gown at him, she said "Supersex".
He Sat Quietly for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the Soup'...
Vipers said:
A Little Old Lady was running up and down the halls in a Nursing Home. As She walked, she would flip up the Hem of her Nightgown and say "Supersex".
Walking Up to an Elderly Man in a Wheelchair and Flipping up Her Gown at him, she said "Supersex".
He Sat Quietly for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the Soup'...
Weird capitalisation :/Walking Up to an Elderly Man in a Wheelchair and Flipping up Her Gown at him, she said "Supersex".
He Sat Quietly for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the Soup'...
MartG said:
Vipers said:
A Little Old Lady was running up and down the halls in a Nursing Home. As She walked, she would flip up the Hem of her Nightgown and say "Supersex".
Walking Up to an Elderly Man in a Wheelchair and Flipping up Her Gown at him, she said "Supersex".
He Sat Quietly for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the Soup'...
Weird capitalisation :/Walking Up to an Elderly Man in a Wheelchair and Flipping up Her Gown at him, she said "Supersex".
He Sat Quietly for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the Soup'...
I find it not only weird, but harder to read than British / Aus / EnZed English.
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff