Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 10ish)
Discussion
Vipers said:
No, but the good news and bad news for a bloke with a gangerous leg.
Doc, "Good news and bad news I'm afraid sir"
"Whats the good news Doc"
"Your bad leg we going to amputate is getting better"
"Whats the bad news then"
"We cut the wrong leg off.
Another variant:Doc, "Good news and bad news I'm afraid sir"
"Whats the good news Doc"
"Your bad leg we going to amputate is getting better"
"Whats the bad news then"
"We cut the wrong leg off.
Bloke goes to the doctor
Dr: I've got some bad news for you Mr Smith, I'm afraid you've got cancer
Mr Smith: Oh God, oh God
Dr: And I don't know how to say this, but I'm afraid you've also got Alzheimers
Mr Smith: Oh well, could be worse, at least it's not cancer
sorry
Vizsla said:
Another variant:
Bloke goes to the doctor
Dr: I've got some bad news for you Mr Smith, I'm afraid you've got cancer
Mr Smith: Oh God, oh God
Dr: And I don't know how to say this, but I'm afraid you've also got Alzheimers
Mr Smith: Oh well, could be worse, at least it's not cancer
sorry
I'm sorry, Mr Smith, it's bad news. You've got ten to live.Bloke goes to the doctor
Dr: I've got some bad news for you Mr Smith, I'm afraid you've got cancer
Mr Smith: Oh God, oh God
Dr: And I don't know how to say this, but I'm afraid you've also got Alzheimers
Mr Smith: Oh well, could be worse, at least it's not cancer
sorry
Ten what?
Nine...
Sorry to tell you sir this but your wife has either AIDS or Amnesia. Very similar symptoms in this strain so hard to tell which it is.
OMG Doctor, what should I do?
Well I’ve had a word with my colleagues and we reckon the only way to tell is this. Blindfold her and take her for a long drive. Drop her off somewhere and leave quickly. If she makes it home, whatever you do, don’t f
k her.
OMG Doctor, what should I do?
Well I’ve had a word with my colleagues and we reckon the only way to tell is this. Blindfold her and take her for a long drive. Drop her off somewhere and leave quickly. If she makes it home, whatever you do, don’t f
k her. Roy Rogers was very pleased with his new comboy boots. They were made of hand-tooled tan leather, with
block heels and special holders for spurs. Soft as buckskin, they were really comfortable.
Roy put them on, climbed into Trigger's saddle and rode thought the town, noticing the admiring glances
as Trigger walked past. Smiling smugly, Roy set off to ride the range for an hour or so.
It was a hot day, so Roy dismounted and settled down with his back against a convenient tree. He was so
comfortable, he soon dozed off in the cool shade of the tree's leaves..
Suddenly, Roy awoke with a start. As he stirred, a mountain lion made off quickly into the distance. Roy was
shocked to see his toes, protruding through his new boots, which had been nibbled clean through. Roy was distraught.
Deeply saddened and depressed about his damaged new footwear, Roy rode Trigger slowly back to town. Inconsolable,
he went to his room above the saloon, took off his boots and lay down on the bed, to sulk.
Soon, Roy had a second rude awakening. Someone was rapping urgently on the window - it was the sherriff, beckoning Roy
to look at something in the street outside. Roy slid up the lower half of the sash window and saw that the sherriff was pointing
excitedly down at his deputy, who was standing next to a mountain lion that hed obviously been shot and was stone dead.
"Pardon me Roy," said the sherriff, "Is that the cat that chewed your new shoes?"
block heels and special holders for spurs. Soft as buckskin, they were really comfortable.
Roy put them on, climbed into Trigger's saddle and rode thought the town, noticing the admiring glances
as Trigger walked past. Smiling smugly, Roy set off to ride the range for an hour or so.
It was a hot day, so Roy dismounted and settled down with his back against a convenient tree. He was so
comfortable, he soon dozed off in the cool shade of the tree's leaves..
Suddenly, Roy awoke with a start. As he stirred, a mountain lion made off quickly into the distance. Roy was
shocked to see his toes, protruding through his new boots, which had been nibbled clean through. Roy was distraught.
Deeply saddened and depressed about his damaged new footwear, Roy rode Trigger slowly back to town. Inconsolable,
he went to his room above the saloon, took off his boots and lay down on the bed, to sulk.
Soon, Roy had a second rude awakening. Someone was rapping urgently on the window - it was the sherriff, beckoning Roy
to look at something in the street outside. Roy slid up the lower half of the sash window and saw that the sherriff was pointing
excitedly down at his deputy, who was standing next to a mountain lion that hed obviously been shot and was stone dead.
"Pardon me Roy," said the sherriff, "Is that the cat that chewed your new shoes?"
Edited by davhill on Monday 2nd March 19:15
Frank7 said:
I’m not sure about this, my evil daughter-in-law sent it me in a
WhatsApp, oh well, if I’m going to hell, I haven’t had a bad run.
The Department of Health has sent out a directive:
If you should test positive for the Corona Virus,
report to the nearest mosque, and stay there unti
you receive further instructions.
Racist, boorish and unfunny.WhatsApp, oh well, if I’m going to hell, I haven’t had a bad run.
The Department of Health has sent out a directive:
If you should test positive for the Corona Virus,
report to the nearest mosque, and stay there unti
you receive further instructions.
AW111 said:
Frank7 said:
I’m not sure about this, my evil daughter-in-law sent it me in a
WhatsApp, oh well, if I’m going to hell, I haven’t had a bad run.
The Department of Health has sent out a directive:
If you should test positive for the Corona Virus,
report to the nearest mosque, and stay there unti
you receive further instructions.
Racist, boorish and unfunny.WhatsApp, oh well, if I’m going to hell, I haven’t had a bad run.
The Department of Health has sent out a directive:
If you should test positive for the Corona Virus,
report to the nearest mosque, and stay there unti
you receive further instructions.
Johnspex said:
AW111 said:
Frank7 said:
I’m not sure about this, my evil daughter-in-law sent it me in a
WhatsApp, oh well, if I’m going to hell, I haven’t had a bad run.
The Department of Health has sent out a directive:
If you should test positive for the Corona Virus,
report to the nearest mosque, and stay there unti
you receive further instructions.
Racist, boorish and unfunny.WhatsApp, oh well, if I’m going to hell, I haven’t had a bad run.
The Department of Health has sent out a directive:
If you should test positive for the Corona Virus,
report to the nearest mosque, and stay there unti
you receive further instructions.
I didn’t quite get it then, it confused me, but I’ve come to understand what she meant gradually over the years.
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