Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 10ish)

[Spydaman]

V6 Pushfit said:

Stan the Bat said:

Subtle that first one.

Very!

So subtle I don't get it.

[droopsnoot]

Spydaman said:

So subtle I don't get it.

Think of something named after it, that is commonly used to refer to someone's attitude changing over a period of time. or a syndrome, perhaps.

[Evangelion]

Nimby said:

Evangelion said:

nonsequitur said:

There is a new super fast stairlift on the market. Gets you upstairs before you have forgotten why you went up there.

I tried to order one but was told it had been discontinued due to escalating costs.

I keep getting ads for the damn things from Spammah Stairlifts.

I don't even want one, it would drive me up the wall.

[Monkeylegend]

Evangelion said:

Nimby said:

Evangelion said:

nonsequitur said:

There is a new super fast stairlift on the market. Gets you upstairs before you have forgotten why you went up there.

I tried to order one but was told it had been discontinued due to escalating costs.

I keep getting ads for the damn things from Spammah Stairlifts.

I don't even want one, it would drive me up the wall.

My old Aunt had one, she said it was a big let down.

[ian in lancs]

By the end of jan the eu will be 1 GB free

[Hugo a Gogo]

My New Year's resolution this year, no more aerosol deodorant - roll on 2020

[john2443]

Hugo a Gogo said:

My New Year's resolution this year, no more aerosol deodorant - roll on 2020

Mine is to get some new specs so that my vision is returned to perfection

[anonymous-user]

john2443 said:

Hugo a Gogo said:

My New Year's resolution this year, no more aerosol deodorant - roll on 2020

Mine is to get some new specs so that my vision is returned to perfection

Is that a joke?

[YankeePorker]

Doofus said:

He only works one day a year, but every time Santa turns up at the office he gets the sack.

And he only comes once a year, but when he does he fills your stockings!

[Jonboy_t]

Just before midnight tonight, lift your left leg slightly off the floor.

It’s always good to start a year off on the right foot.

[GloverMart]

The man who's wife I've been sleeping with sent me this text:

"You go near her again and ill come round and sort you out, mark my words!"

To which I replied:

"8 out of 10, I'll requires an apostrophe and a capital I."

[Spydaman]

droopsnoot said:

Spydaman said:

So subtle I don't get it.

Think of something named after it, that is commonly used to refer to someone's attitude changing over a period of time. or a syndrome, perhaps.

Ah, OK I get it now.

[Doofus]

GloverMart said:

The man who's wife I've been sleeping with sent me this text:

"You go near her again and ill come round and sort you out, mark my words!"

To which I replied:

"8 out of 10, I'll requires an apostrophe and a capital I."

Did he then reply saying "Whose"?

[anonymous-user]

Name three fish that begin and end with the letter K:

Killer Shark
Kwik-save frozen haddock.
Kilmarnock.

[Catweazle]

Crossflow Kid said:

Name three fish that begin and end with the letter K:

Killer Shark
Kwik-save frozen haddock.
Kilmarnock.

[anonymous-user]

Catweazle said:

Crossflow Kid said:

Name three fish that begin and end with the letter K:

Killer Shark
Kwik-save frozen haddock.
Kilmarnock.

The last one is a place, in Scotland.

[Sticks.]

Crossflow Kid said:

Name three fish that begin and end with the letter K:

Killer Shark
Kwik-save frozen haddock.
Kilmarnock.

Crikey, I haven't heard that in 30 years. I think I got it from the Russ and Jono show on Virgin Radio. Stiill good

[Caruso]

Crossflow Kid said:

Catweazle said:

Crossflow Kid said:

Name three fish that begin and end with the letter K:

Killer Shark
Kwik-save frozen haddock.
Kilmarnock.

The last one is a plaice, in Scotland.

FTFY

[anonymous-user]

Caruso said:

Crossflow Kid said:

Catweazle said:

Crossflow Kid said:

Name three fish that begin and end with the letter K:

Killer Shark
Kwik-save frozen haddock.
Kilmarnock.

The last one is a plaice, in Scotland.

FTFY

Thanks, thanks a lot. It makes complete sense now. Been bugging me (and my parrot) for years.

[The Li-ion King]

Archaeologists have just discovered an Egyptian tomb filled with chocolate and hazlenut.

The British Museum think it could be the tomb of Pharaoh Rocher.