Finding my birth mother
Discussion
In case anyone's wondering - the situation is different today.
We have to write once a year to our daughter's birth mother and she writes once a year (eventually) back to us. Letters go through the council so neither parent know the other's address.
When my daughter turns 18 she's free to meet up with her birth mother but at the moment she's more interested in hearing about her siblings.
Anyway, I wish the OP every success and happy news. It sounds like a new hobby.
We have to write once a year to our daughter's birth mother and she writes once a year (eventually) back to us. Letters go through the council so neither parent know the other's address.
When my daughter turns 18 she's free to meet up with her birth mother but at the moment she's more interested in hearing about her siblings.
Anyway, I wish the OP every success and happy news. It sounds like a new hobby.
I found out several years ago that my Mum wanted me adopted but my Gran, who we both lived with, stopped it and said that she'd look after me.
Fast forward to about three years ago.
I posted on my birth village's Facebook group and a woman commented about my unusual surname and that she knew my Gran. We took it to DM and the lady, who was about 80, said she remembered babysitting me for my Mum when she went out. A few more messages and she said she'd left my birth village in 1966 which meant it couldn't have been me she was babysitting, as I wasn't born until 1968.
Used a website called Free BMD, and found a registration of a baby boy in 1965 with the same mother's name as mine. Sent off for the birth certificate and it arrived, yep, had a brother or half brother called Andrew. Went back to the old lady to say thank you and break the news & she replied that her husband and her had been talking, and she thinks she left the village in 1963 which meant that the baby she was looking after wasn't Andrew either!!
Can't find any record of the older baby but Andrew was adopted shortly after birth. Paid £130+ to After Adoption to try to trace him but they went into administration. Paid a tracer £200 earlier this year but she went down with COVID and that's hit the buffers temporarily.
I can now see why my Mum wanted me adopted. She'd already given up two babies for adoption, what price a third.
To the OP, I'd go for it and at least you'll find out. Me? I've just got a hole now that won't be properly filled till I find out what happened or where my brother is. I have no idea who my Dad is either, just feel these days like a small boat bobbing around in the ocean.
Fast forward to about three years ago.
I posted on my birth village's Facebook group and a woman commented about my unusual surname and that she knew my Gran. We took it to DM and the lady, who was about 80, said she remembered babysitting me for my Mum when she went out. A few more messages and she said she'd left my birth village in 1966 which meant it couldn't have been me she was babysitting, as I wasn't born until 1968.
Used a website called Free BMD, and found a registration of a baby boy in 1965 with the same mother's name as mine. Sent off for the birth certificate and it arrived, yep, had a brother or half brother called Andrew. Went back to the old lady to say thank you and break the news & she replied that her husband and her had been talking, and she thinks she left the village in 1963 which meant that the baby she was looking after wasn't Andrew either!!
Can't find any record of the older baby but Andrew was adopted shortly after birth. Paid £130+ to After Adoption to try to trace him but they went into administration. Paid a tracer £200 earlier this year but she went down with COVID and that's hit the buffers temporarily.
I can now see why my Mum wanted me adopted. She'd already given up two babies for adoption, what price a third.
To the OP, I'd go for it and at least you'll find out. Me? I've just got a hole now that won't be properly filled till I find out what happened or where my brother is. I have no idea who my Dad is either, just feel these days like a small boat bobbing around in the ocean.
There is a government resource
The Adoption Contact Register
The Idea if both parent and Child are on the register then they their contact details will be shared.
Or you can register to say you don’t want to be contacted
It is not a tracing service - for a connection to be made between people, you must both be on the Adoption Contact Register.
You can add yourself to the Adoption Contact Register if you’re 18 or over and your birth or adoption was registered with the General Register Office.
HTH
It does not seem to be well publicised and does not come up on google adoption searches unless you add passport as a term.
GloverMart said:
Me? I've just got a hole now that won't be properly filled till I find out what happened or where my brother is. I have no idea who my Dad is either, just feel these days like a small boat bobbing around in the ocean.
Why? You've got your own children and grandchildren. You're not a small boat, you're a f
king ocean going liner, and your kids and granddkids are the lifeboats that wouldn't exist if it weren't for you. When you're out driving, just the odd glance in the rear view mirror is fine. If you become obsessed by it, you'll crash into the bloke ahead. Where you've come from isn't important. Just enjoy where you are and look forward to where you're going.
TwigtheWonderkid said:
GloverMart said:
Me? I've just got a hole now that won't be properly filled till I find out what happened or where my brother is. I have no idea who my Dad is either, just feel these days like a small boat bobbing around in the ocean.
Why? You've got your own children and grandchildren. You're not a small boat, you're a fking ocean going liner, and your kids and granddkids are the lifeboats that wouldn't exist if it weren't for you. When you're out driving, just the odd glance in the rear view mirror is fine. If you become obsessed by it, you'll crash into the bloke ahead. Where you've come from isn't important. Just enjoy where you are and look forward to where you're going.
My wife ( in care from 3 -17) found her sibllings through friends reunited many years ago and had 3-4 years close contact with her older sister before she ( the sister) passed away. The other side of the coin is as foster carers its an absolute nightmare when teenagers get mobiles and internet contact. You are trying to repair the damage caused by the birth parents and they are there at the end of facebook undermining you all the way. Sadly we had to end looking after one teenage boy after 3 years as the parents made it imposible to carry on.
Mastodon2 said:
They probably aren't excited about another name ending up on the will and their slice of the inheritance pie fitting smaller.
Can't really happen, if you are adopted, you legally sever all previous ties from birth family, unless it's a family adoption, when it gets weird and your sister can become your cousin or your birth mum can legally become your sister.
GloverMart said:
TwigtheWonderkid said:
GloverMart said:
Me? I've just got a hole now that won't be properly filled till I find out what happened or where my brother is. I have no idea who my Dad is either, just feel these days like a small boat bobbing around in the ocean.
Why? You've got your own children and grandchildren. You're not a small boat, you're a fking ocean going liner, and your kids and granddkids are the lifeboats that wouldn't exist if it weren't for you. When you're out driving, just the odd glance in the rear view mirror is fine. If you become obsessed by it, you'll crash into the bloke ahead. Where you've come from isn't important. Just enjoy where you are and look forward to where you're going.
But all the best in whatever you decide to do
xjay1337 said:
GloverMart said:
TwigtheWonderkid said:
GloverMart said:
Me? I've just got a hole now that won't be properly filled till I find out what happened or where my brother is. I have no idea who my Dad is either, just feel these days like a small boat bobbing around in the ocean.
Why? You've got your own children and grandchildren. You're not a small boat, you're a fking ocean going liner, and your kids and granddkids are the lifeboats that wouldn't exist if it weren't for you. When you're out driving, just the odd glance in the rear view mirror is fine. If you become obsessed by it, you'll crash into the bloke ahead. Where you've come from isn't important. Just enjoy where you are and look forward to where you're going.
But all the best in whatever you decide to do
After 33 years I decided to find my parental Dad. Much the same as you my Mum and Dad (Stepdad) had never held information back.
I doubt you Mum will have much social media presence and neither did my Dad but his kids, wife and business did so after a few weeks of searching, proving a following updates I found him. I mulled over what to do and cutting a long story short (and thread on here) I wrote a letter and sent it to him.
2 years passed, he made contact. I met him on my 33rd birthday. Barely spoke since.
I doubt you Mum will have much social media presence and neither did my Dad but his kids, wife and business did so after a few weeks of searching, proving a following updates I found him. I mulled over what to do and cutting a long story short (and thread on here) I wrote a letter and sent it to him.
2 years passed, he made contact. I met him on my 33rd birthday. Barely spoke since.
Joe5y said:
After 33 years I decided to find my parental Dad. Much the same as you my Mum and Dad (Stepdad) had never held information back.
I doubt you Mum will have much social media presence and neither did my Dad but his kids, wife and business did so after a few weeks of searching, proving a following updates I found him. I mulled over what to do and cutting a long story short (and thread on here) I wrote a letter and sent it to him.
2 years passed, he made contact. I met him on my 33rd birthday. Barely spoke since.
That's a shame. Sometimes people feel that too much time has passed for any kind of relationship to work.I doubt you Mum will have much social media presence and neither did my Dad but his kids, wife and business did so after a few weeks of searching, proving a following updates I found him. I mulled over what to do and cutting a long story short (and thread on here) I wrote a letter and sent it to him.
2 years passed, he made contact. I met him on my 33rd birthday. Barely spoke since.
Good luck with anyone trying to find those missing jigsaw pieces.
Has anyone experience from the other side? Received contact out of the blue from a previously unknown sibling?
I am not adopted and an only child. I'm 50 and my folks were marred 23 years before I came along. They'd lost hope of having a child.
They are both dead now. My wife and I found a collection of letters from not long before I was born about a little girl they wanted to adopt. It was the 1960s and my Dad - a TV Producer - met her in Hong Kong. In the letters between my folks my mum concluded it was a bad idea. We lived in a rural area and my mum was worried about racism and misunderstanding towards a Chinese child in 1960s Northumberland.
I often wonder what became of her. I'd quite like to have a big sister.
There was also a boy. I really don't understand the circumstances or legality of it, but this kid kind of haunted my childhood. The boy lived with my parents with the permission of his family. They were apparently a troubled family that my aunt - a postwoman - knew in her round in a village 200 miles away from us.
Information about him was sparse as a child. I'd overhear his name mentioned in conversation, and I was told once that a little boy had once lived with them. Later in life my Dad told me more about him. Apparently from a scummy background he was damaged and like some devil child, so they sent him back.
For some reason the whole thing upset me.
I've often wondered what it would be like to get contact out of the blue from him. Also, if I got contact from someone telling me we shared the same father. It would I imagine a conflict of curiosity and the urge to have no contact.
I still wish they'd adopted the little girl from Hong Kong. Odd thing to say, but I kind of love her. She'd have had a great life with my mum and dad. I hope it worked out for her. A big sister would have been great.
Has anyone experience from the other side? Received contact out of the blue from a previously unknown sibling?
I am not adopted and an only child. I'm 50 and my folks were marred 23 years before I came along. They'd lost hope of having a child.
They are both dead now. My wife and I found a collection of letters from not long before I was born about a little girl they wanted to adopt. It was the 1960s and my Dad - a TV Producer - met her in Hong Kong. In the letters between my folks my mum concluded it was a bad idea. We lived in a rural area and my mum was worried about racism and misunderstanding towards a Chinese child in 1960s Northumberland.
I often wonder what became of her. I'd quite like to have a big sister.
There was also a boy. I really don't understand the circumstances or legality of it, but this kid kind of haunted my childhood. The boy lived with my parents with the permission of his family. They were apparently a troubled family that my aunt - a postwoman - knew in her round in a village 200 miles away from us.
Information about him was sparse as a child. I'd overhear his name mentioned in conversation, and I was told once that a little boy had once lived with them. Later in life my Dad told me more about him. Apparently from a scummy background he was damaged and like some devil child, so they sent him back.
For some reason the whole thing upset me.
I've often wondered what it would be like to get contact out of the blue from him. Also, if I got contact from someone telling me we shared the same father. It would I imagine a conflict of curiosity and the urge to have no contact.
I still wish they'd adopted the little girl from Hong Kong. Odd thing to say, but I kind of love her. She'd have had a great life with my mum and dad. I hope it worked out for her. A big sister would have been great.
Edited by Wildcat45 on Monday 31st August 08:50
Joat said:
Thanks to all who have replied with advice and personal experiences, it's very much appreciated.
When / if I manage to find information I will share it with you.
Please do Joat. Good luck in your search and I hope it works out.When / if I manage to find information I will share it with you.
Glad you started this thread as I'm in the same position. Be interested to know what first steps you take as I haven't looked into the practicalities of tracing at all. Always said I would never look for my natural mother and father until adopted parents were no longer around. Mum died a couple of years ago and dad is in a care home.
Not sure I want a relationship with any 'new' family members, but would like to know who they are/were.
Thanks to spunagain for the link. I wasn't aware of this.
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