Finding my birth mother
Discussion
Reading with interest.
I’m adopted, parents told me when I was 10 yrs old, that was 40 yrs ago, they gave me all the paperwork, including a handwritten letter for my birth mother, wished them well and thanked them. (My birth mother writes the letter “S” in the same weird way I do, never seen anyone else write it that was before).
I was 6 weeks old , quite strange reading letters from adoption agency describing me, I had been called Guy Davis at the time.
I only ever really remember I’m adopted on my birthday, and when something like this thread pops up, I’ve been blessed with the most amazing parents, Dads sadly no longer with us, and a brother who is my best pal as well, they were told they couldn’t have kids, so adopted me, then Mum fell pregnant 3 yrs later, he is my brother, end of.
I hold no malice to my birth mother, she was 18, unmarried, it was 1969. Maybe she thinks of me, maybe she doesn’t.
What would you talk about, what would you call her, apart from her giving birth to me I feel we have no other connection, my Mum is the one who changed my nappy, put me through school, clipped my ear when I was a git, supported me when I needed it.
My wife and I don’t have children of our own, my brother thinks I’d be more inclined to find my birth mother if I had kids of my own, he has kids and says he can’t imagine what she went through when giving me up. Who knows.
Reading my post back, I can’t really see what I’m trying to say, but hey, it’s my story, I wish the OP and anyone else looking the best of luck, perhaps one day I will, just have to see.
I’m adopted, parents told me when I was 10 yrs old, that was 40 yrs ago, they gave me all the paperwork, including a handwritten letter for my birth mother, wished them well and thanked them. (My birth mother writes the letter “S” in the same weird way I do, never seen anyone else write it that was before).
I was 6 weeks old , quite strange reading letters from adoption agency describing me, I had been called Guy Davis at the time.
I only ever really remember I’m adopted on my birthday, and when something like this thread pops up, I’ve been blessed with the most amazing parents, Dads sadly no longer with us, and a brother who is my best pal as well, they were told they couldn’t have kids, so adopted me, then Mum fell pregnant 3 yrs later, he is my brother, end of.
I hold no malice to my birth mother, she was 18, unmarried, it was 1969. Maybe she thinks of me, maybe she doesn’t.
What would you talk about, what would you call her, apart from her giving birth to me I feel we have no other connection, my Mum is the one who changed my nappy, put me through school, clipped my ear when I was a git, supported me when I needed it.
My wife and I don’t have children of our own, my brother thinks I’d be more inclined to find my birth mother if I had kids of my own, he has kids and says he can’t imagine what she went through when giving me up. Who knows.
Reading my post back, I can’t really see what I’m trying to say, but hey, it’s my story, I wish the OP and anyone else looking the best of luck, perhaps one day I will, just have to see.
whitesocks said:
A mate from work found tracked down his long lost mother after several years of searching. Only for his mothers current husband to bar all contact/intercept letters/etc. Because it would cause a 'rift in the family'
What a scumbag.
I'm sorry but you cannot call him scumbag if you don't know the situation.What a scumbag.
There may be a valid reason for them not to tell their family about the circumstances surrounding the adoption.
I was adopted and fully understand why some may feel this way.
thepeoplespal said:
Adoptions from 60 odd years ago were very much based on the morals of the day. It was scandalous, shameful and very difficult to be a single mother, so it can be difficult to connect for that very same reason. Conversely they can also be throughly decent.
Indeed, a few years ago my mother-in-law had a contact out of the blue from a chap who turned out to be her half brother.We believe her mother, who died some years prior sadly, became pregnant very young out of wedlock and was packed off to a convent in wales to have the child in secret.
Initially MiL kept him at arms length as her father was still alive, he was a very proud and traditional man who worshipped his wife and had absolutely no idea what had happened prior. It would have devastated him in the last years of his life.
Since then she has embraced him more, he’s a lovely chap, looks amusingly similar to MiL, far more so than her full sister bizarrely, and those of us on the outside get the added entertainment that he has a broad Welsh accent while the MiL is midlands!
thepeoplespal said:
Adoptions from 60 odd years ago were very much based on the morals of the day. It was scandalous, shameful and very difficult to be a single mother.
Spot on and something that came across loud & clear when I was talking to the lady that gave me the info leading to the fact I had a half brother.My mum had me in 1968 and wanted to give me up for adoption as she had done previously with my brother in 1965 and, we believe, maybe even another one prior to that in the early 1960's. A single woman having three children out of wedlock, probably to three different men, would have been a social pariah. It's no wonder that two out of the three of us ended up adopted and the other one clearly not wanted.
OP my mother gave up my older brother at birth as she was unmarried and it was a scandal. So shortly after he was collected.
Mother got married and I came along.
We found each other purely by chance and we get on great but my brother did not want to meet his maternal mother. I fully support this, understand why and knowing both angles it's for the best. She gave him up and never wanted to seek him out even when she was older. I resent her for this.
We are all different and maybe there are reasons why some are adopted that aren't revealed.
Mother got married and I came along.
We found each other purely by chance and we get on great but my brother did not want to meet his maternal mother. I fully support this, understand why and knowing both angles it's for the best. She gave him up and never wanted to seek him out even when she was older. I resent her for this.
We are all different and maybe there are reasons why some are adopted that aren't revealed.
whitesocks said:
It's strange to think that a woman having three kids with three different men would be commonly accepted these days.
I know a man who definitely has 6 kids by 3 different women, and in truth he probably has 7 kids by 4 different women, although he won't really talk about it. But unfortunately no one really seems that bothered, and his own apparent lack of morals appears not to bother that many people, given he's managed to become Prime Minister. boxy but good said:
whitesocks said:
A mate from work found tracked down his long lost mother after several years of searching. Only for his mothers current husband to bar all contact/intercept letters/etc. Because it would cause a 'rift in the family'
What a scumbag.
I'm sorry but you cannot call him scumbag if you don't know the situation.What a scumbag.
There may be a valid reason for them not to tell their family about the circumstances surrounding the adoption.
I was adopted and fully understand why some may feel this way.
boxy but good said:
I'm sorry but you cannot call him scumbag if you don't know the situation.
There may be a valid reason for them not to tell their family about the circumstances surrounding the adoption.
I was adopted and fully understand why some may feel this way.
In my eyes, it's a pretty scummy thing to do really.There may be a valid reason for them not to tell their family about the circumstances surrounding the adoption.
I was adopted and fully understand why some may feel this way.
whitesocks said:
boxy but good said:
I'm sorry but you cannot call him scumbag if you don't know the situation.
There may be a valid reason for them not to tell their family about the circumstances surrounding the adoption.
I was adopted and fully understand why some may feel this way.
In my eyes, it's a pretty scummy thing to do really.There may be a valid reason for them not to tell their family about the circumstances surrounding the adoption.
I was adopted and fully understand why some may feel this way.
TwigtheWonderkid said:
whitesocks said:
It's strange to think that a woman having three kids with three different men would be commonly accepted these days.
I know a man who definitely has 6 kids by 3 different women, and in truth he probably has 7 kids by 4 different women, although he won't really talk about it. But unfortunately no one really seems that bothered, and his own apparent lack of morals appears not to bother that many people, given he's managed to become Prime Minister. That same man is now telling the nation that it's all parents' moral duty to ensure that their children
return to school in the midst of this pandemic that he did so little too late to mitigate.
What a hypocrite!
Imagine in the future some poor kid tracing his father and finding out it was that man.
That's horrific!
Far better to find out you're Welsh!
Edited by glenrobbo on Tuesday 1st September 10:07
I traced my birth mother late last year and into the early part of this year.
Unfortunately I was five years too late, she died in 2016. However, I have found out that despite growing up an only child, I actually have five brothers and sisters. Regrettably only two sisters want anything to do with me, but I'm very close to one. I also learned that I have NZ ancestry and have now got dual nationality thanks to my mother. I was never a secret and all my siblings were made aware that I was given up for adoption. My mum used my birthday as her bank card pin.
OP, I would be happy to help and give any advice if you would like to PM me. I too am of the same generation as yourself.
Unfortunately I was five years too late, she died in 2016. However, I have found out that despite growing up an only child, I actually have five brothers and sisters. Regrettably only two sisters want anything to do with me, but I'm very close to one. I also learned that I have NZ ancestry and have now got dual nationality thanks to my mother. I was never a secret and all my siblings were made aware that I was given up for adoption. My mum used my birthday as her bank card pin.
OP, I would be happy to help and give any advice if you would like to PM me. I too am of the same generation as yourself.
glenrobbo said:
TwigtheWonderkid said:
whitesocks said:
It's strange to think that a woman having three kids with three different men would be commonly accepted these days.
I know a man who definitely has 6 kids by 3 different women, and in truth he probably has 7 kids by 4 different women, although he won't really talk about it. But unfortunately no one really seems that bothered, and his own apparent lack of morals appears not to bother that many people, given he's managed to become Prime Minister. That same man is now telling the nation that it's all parents' moral duty to ensure that their children
return to school i
Why not roll out Ian Huntley for further advice on caring for children. Tyre Smoke said:
Unfortunately I was five years too late, she died in 2016. However, I have found out that despite growing up an only child, I actually have five brothers and sisters. Regrettably only two sisters want anything to do with me, but I'm very close to one. I also learned that I have NZ ancestry and have now got dual nationality thanks to my mother. I was never a secret and all my siblings were made aware that I was given up for adoption. My mum used my birthday as her bank card pin.
Oof, that put a lump in my throat. OpulentBob said:
Tyre Smoke said:
Unfortunately I was five years too late, she died in 2016. However, I have found out that despite growing up an only child, I actually have five brothers and sisters. Regrettably only two sisters want anything to do with me, but I'm very close to one. I also learned that I have NZ ancestry and have now got dual nationality thanks to my mother. I was never a secret and all my siblings were made aware that I was given up for adoption. My mum used my birthday as her bank card pin.
Oof, that put a lump in my throat. I'm not adopted but still have enjoyed (if that's the right word) reading this thread for the different perspectives.
Nice to read TyreSmoke that one sister has struck up a good relationship with you.
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