PH Secret Santa 2020 - The Santae, lockdown edition

[Captain Raymond Holt]

TROC


Worry not Troc'y your parcel was despatched with Hermes on the 9th December so is definitely winging its way to you (albeit slowly by the sounds of it)

[Captain Raymond Holt]

MasterBean


I need to apologise, the chinese elves have been incredibly slow sending the last present out, Im not sure I dare risk hanging on any longer to wait for it to arrive, it is allegedly in the uk but who knows.
I will send the rest of the presents out today and forward the other bit on later.


OzzyR1

My dear Ozzy, Santa has dispatched your gifts with the greek god of sexually transmitted diseases and his package should with with your in 3-4 days. If "you" is your tenants and "3-4 days" is measured in microsoft minutes.

The gifts are individually numbered and wrapped with instructions on top. Please do not open the outer box until I've fully emptied my sack on Christmas Day.

Ho Ho Ho


OldBanger

After much flagellation of the delivery elves they finally managed to get your piece of tat hand crafted and unique PHSS gift to our fine shores and on to me, your PHSS.

Said piece of tat exquisite gift has subsequently been carefully wrapped in an oily rag along with some accompaniments and left at the mercy of Postman Pat.....

So you should receive it by Easter I would hope!

Feel free to open the box as the wonderful gifts within are individually greased and wrapped.

Hopefully this years PHSS gift will give you minutes of comfort when standing around, be it taking the mutt for a drag, waiting for green flag or waving a yellow one.

Merry Christmas,

Your PHSS.


Stockman14

INCOMING!


Tango13

[Captain Raymond Holt]

Pembo


Your gargantuan dildo is now in transit to your mum as instructed!
The package is quite large and nondescript, so it's up to you to ensure its not opened on your behalf.
Unfortunately the bloody useless elves ran out of P400 removing the burrs after rough shaping so maybe stock up unless you fancy a bit of rough!

[Captain Raymond Holt]

Tango13 you may open this most recent of offerings, Santa would like a posing picture please!

[Captain Raymond Holt]

2Gins

The recycled Amazon box can be opened as the contents are wrapped inside.

[Captain Raymond Holt]

PotBelliedFool

PBF.. Mrs Santa was tasked with posting your parcel via the Royal helpers last Friday.
She’s passed nothing by the way of a tracking number and I’m concerned to see you’re still awaiting your package!
Could you update to confirm there’s still nothing received?

[Captain Raymond Holt]

PotBelliedFool

Pot Bellied Fool said:

Arrived today safe & well. Can the outer packaging be opened or should I leave it as is?

Phew! Mrs Santa won’t be fired just yet. Feel free to remove your outer layers and get ready to empty your sack. MCAAHNYPBF!

MORGS_

Santa has had a few covid related issues but never fear, despite your love fist being stuck in China, he has replaced it with something really weird from his own collection (in keeping with PHSS of years past)
He is really hoping one of them doesn't leak. He's also hoping you aren't scared of slithering things. Don't worry, this one is older than you.
Sent today so hoping Royal Mail don't take too long.

Merry Christmas.
Your PHSS.

[Captain Raymond Holt]

GEEKS

Ho Ho Ho

Hope you got it after Santa ran away keeping his identity a secret.

[Captain Raymond Holt]

MrTom

Have just noticed that I had a notification that your parcel had been "successfully" delivered from the place it was ordered at 11.47 on Dec 16th.
My heart sank a little when I saw it was from Yodel and had been left in a "safe place" with an instruction card left on where that might be.
Could you confirm receipt?

[Captain Raymond Holt]

morgs_ said:

10 left showing as not posted. Usually there are a few that have sent but not updated and some who will deliver the day before but nonetheless, action stations people!

Pidsy
Bullett
alorotom
_MIKE_
OzzyR1
2gins
Bear-n
Glade
Retro_Jim
Pembo

That’s a good reduction from the ~24 a few days ago

As said above, most are old hands at this so I have no worry.... I think...

[Captain Raymond Holt]

Master Bean

apparently your local DPD man missed you at 2pm today, they have rescheduled it for tomorrow

[Captain Raymond Holt]

Bertie Wooster

Glad the parcel has arrived, only a few weeks later than expected.

As you can tell, the elves are highly skilled artists.
Unfortunately that skill extends to wrapping parcels, so although the present was wrapped, it was then covered in so much tape to ensure it would complete it's journey that it'll be impossible to open without seeing the gifts. Think of it more as a display basket of gifts.

ps. The gifts will make up for it.


Master Bean

Yes the outer packing can be opened, there is a box containing individually wrapped presents but due to a slight snafu they are not labelled.

I was a tad unhappy about having to put my name and address on the label but I didnt have a choice, it was either that or use Royal mail and I didnt have a hope in hell if them arriving on time by RM

[Captain Raymond Holt]

TyreTread

Slightly behind schedule but the elves have finally dispatched my victim's gift.
They can open the outer box things are individually wrapped inside.
Card can be opened now they want.

Cheers
SSanta2020

[Captain Raymond Holt]

Xaero said:

Still not got anything here. No gaping wet box to enjoy on Christmas day with a hint of chilli inside.

Funnily enough...

Xaero

It’s on the way, tracking ID to come via PM

You can open outer packaging, and the wrapped gift can be opened as soon as he is ready to begin.

[Captain Raymond Holt]

Let’s just say all may not be as it seems when looking at the ‘sent’ status for those 3

Although I have double checked with one of them!

ETA: looking at those marked ‘no’ for received, we do have a few lazy victims

Edited by Captain Raymond Holt on Monday 21st December 22:35

[Captain Raymond Holt]

Tango13 said:

Santa has been once again and I'm now the proud owner of a gaping wet box...


I also own Christmas tree



Thanks Santa

Thank goodness, Santa was worried that it had been stolen after Herpes left it outside, no one should be without a tree as far as your Santa is concerned. You should go and look for some PH style ornaments for next year!

Enjoy your Christmas Tango13

Love and kisses,

Santa

[Captain Raymond Holt]

Captain Raymond Holt said:

Let’s just say all may not be as it seems when looking at the ‘sent’ status for those 3

Although I have double checked with one of them!

ETA: looking at those marked ‘no’ for received, we do have a few lazy victims

Edited by Captain Raymond Holt on Monday 21st December 22:35

I have heard back and been reminded that they messaged me earlier in the week, everything seems to be in hand

The final victims are just at the mercy of Royal Fail / Parcel Farce / Herpes.

[Captain Raymond Holt]

Just found in my junk from yesterday...

Master Bean

The final part of your present has arrived, I will stick it in the post but no chance of it arriving before the day now.
I am pretty surprised that the card arrived after the parcel, it was sent at least 2 days before and supposedly on next day delivery
Thanks

[Captain Raymond Holt]

The Rotrex Kid

Santa’s elves have reported that both gifts have been delivered.

The first on the 18th and the second on the 21st. Both were delivered at the same address.

Let Santa know if you can’t find them.

GOG440

Brace the missus, Santa's coming tomorrow!

(Daylight hours to avoid any further panic attacks for Mrs GOG440 and/or reportable offences)

[Captain Raymond Holt]

RetroJim

DPD allegedly left your present on the rear porch last Thursday.

Ho ho ho.