Lies you’ve told your kids, and lies you were told as a kid

[austinsmirk]

That the "rising/falling gas storage units/towers" are the BFG's trampoline

That everything used to be black and white. when they see "old" b/w TV on and I tell them that's what its like for me as a child.

[CubanPete]

TwigtheWonderkid said:

"Twig, be careful, you'll have someone's eye out with that"
"Errr...I really won't gran, it's a plate of jelly."

I'm 58 now, and I've never had anyone's eye out with anything.

Surely this proves her advice was correct?

[Cpl Cartwright jones]

When my daughter was about 6 i told her she had been microchipped as a baby just like her new puppy so we aways knew where she was, fastforward several years she asks the missus if her microchip will ever need replacing.

[williamp]

There is a thread on here about droped kerbs, which reminded me: if you want a drop kerb, the council come along with a really big lorry to squah then down for you.

Its true: My Dad told me

[extraT]

Whenever I do something that fascinates my seven year old daughter, she asks how I knew how to do said fascinating activity... the answer is always “Daddy school”.

[TorqueDirty]

Johnspex said:

you know those little white lights in the middle of the road that shine so you can see where you're going? My Dad used to turn those on as we drove along and turned them out as soon as we'd passed. If I looked out of the back window I could see they weren't alight any longer. Only he could do that.

My Dad told us that the cats eyes in the road were lit by a little gnome who ran under the road in front of the car with a torch.

Seemed perfectly plausible at the time. I used to tell him to speed up to see if we could out run him.

Sadly we always had very slow cars so I never really saw the little bugger tested properly.

[take-good-care-of-the-forest-dewey]

The Hypno-Toad said:

The first swear word I said in front of my mum was “blimey!”

She told me that I was asking God to blind me and if I kept saying it God would.

Funnily enough my eyesight is now really bad so presumably God was just running the long game. This also might explain everything else that has gone wrong in my life as one of my favourite sayings is “fk off you tedious ,” and following on from mums logic, I guess the Almighty wouldn’t be too pleased about that one.

Life choices, wow.

Meh.

On the plus side hell should be fun...

[Uncle John]

I was told it’s just Sir spilling his Brasso.

[Writhing]

I was babysitting a couple of young kids (age 3 and 4) and convinced them to say ‘now’ and ‘about time’ rather than ‘please’ and ‘thank you’.

[sospan]

There is a 15acre lake near us. Man made as a redevelopment.
In the middle is a small buoy. I have told my 5yr old grandchildren it is the plug for emptying the lake. It is actually a mooring buoy from when they were putting a small platform out there that still exists and cormorants use it as they would use rocks for roosting/drying out.

[Baldchap]

My mum told me a swan could break my arm with its wing. So a flying creature with lightweight, tiny bones, covered in the softest material known to man, with a flap of its wings could snap my dense, meaty bones.

Called her out on it a few years back. Apparently her mum said the same to her and she just believed it.

She's like those people who repost lies on social media without checking them first, or forward chain emails. Only worse.

[The Dictator]

Huntsman said:

Told my boy the burglary alarm sensors are Santa cameras.

Yup, we do that :-)

[jimmythingy]

I once said something to my three year old granddaughter to get her to take some medicine, I can't remember what it was but was a bit of a white lie. My daughter in law then told me off about telling her lies even if they were innocent and for the right reason. A few days later I go around to drop Christmas presents and see them before Christmas day, my granddaughter jumps on my lap and says that mummy has said if she's not a good girl father Christmas won't come.

[Wacky Racer]

Rayy said:

Told my kids that grandma belonged to a motorcycle gang.

[jimmythingy]

Also, years ago when we used to drive past Ferry bridge power station on the old A1 my son would ask what's that place. I told him it was a fish finger factory, he believed it for years. Them we're the days, so innocent!!

[Drive it fix it repeat]

Magnum 475 said:

Related: we tell our kids that McDonalds food is make from cow s**t, and KFC is made with real chicken s**t. It's worked so far - every time we drive past a McDonalds there's a shout of 'Yuk!' from the back seat.

Result.

I had a pretty innocent, old fashioned country childhood. Late primary school age my class was going to McDonald’s for whatever reason. I was massively disappointed that it turned out we were in fact not visiting a farm

[davhill]

rastapasta said:

This reads like one of those poems that doesn't rhyme

Prose perchance?

[mattyn1]

2 sMoKiN bArReLs said:

My dad told me that the gap between the lightening and the bang was a mile in second. (to make it seem far away)

How many of us still count even now??

My mum told me if I see an ambulance I need to hold my collar until I see a four legged animal otherwise the man in the ambulance will die.

I told my daughter that wind turbines were to blow bad weather away.

[zb]

When you pick your nose, that's some of your brains you're mining. Although going by what I read on NPE, it appears we have a lot of latent nasal excavators.

[williamp]

Just remember a lovely one, from when I was scared as a young child and my Grandad comforted me. It what I say to my children:

Thunder is just the Angels rearranging the furniture