Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 11)
Discussion
22 said:
My girlfriend said I was too immature and she could no longer see me.
"I'm behind the sofa!" I called out.
(Joe Pasquale I think)
His next job was helping to deliver fish:
He had to stand waist deep in the river urging them to push.
MartG said:
One fine, cold, clear spring day Mr Mole pushed his head out of the top of a molehill and sniffed the crisp, clean air.
Breakfast!
He called excitedly to his wife “come up here, I smell bacon!” Mrs. Mole squeezed alongside her husband at the top of the molehill and sniffed. “I smell sausages! Barry, come up here and take a good sniff!”
THe eldest son, Barry climbed up the tunnel an dug an amount of earth at the peak of the molehill so as to get his nose into the outside air. “I smell eggs!”
They called down to Oscar, the youngest to come up and smell breakfast. Oscar did as he was told but he was too small and slight to be able to push past his elder brother and parents. “Oscar,” called Mrs. Mole, “can you smell breakfast?”
"No, " said Oscar, disappointedly.
"All I can smell is molasses … "
Deserves a Breakfast!
He called excitedly to his wife “come up here, I smell bacon!” Mrs. Mole squeezed alongside her husband at the top of the molehill and sniffed. “I smell sausages! Barry, come up here and take a good sniff!”
THe eldest son, Barry climbed up the tunnel an dug an amount of earth at the peak of the molehill so as to get his nose into the outside air. “I smell eggs!”
They called down to Oscar, the youngest to come up and smell breakfast. Oscar did as he was told but he was too small and slight to be able to push past his elder brother and parents. “Oscar,” called Mrs. Mole, “can you smell breakfast?”
"No, " said Oscar, disappointedly.
"All I can smell is molasses … "
Blatter said:
A friend of mine resigned from his job at the local BMW dealership yesterday.
He gave absolutely no indication that he was leaving.
A man walks into a parts store twirling his car keys on his finger and says, “I would like a door mirror for my 320d”He gave absolutely no indication that he was leaving.
The sales person looks thoughtful for a moment, and then says..
..”why not, that sounds like a good swap”
languagetimothy said:
Mammasaid said:
Halmyre said:
Legacywr said:
Got a job doing shifts at a chess factory, I’m on knights next week.
Makes a change from bashing out bishops.
Work hard and get that check at the end of the month.
My wife's never happy. I got her a sex toy for her birthday and she's done nothing but moan ever since............
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades
Last night, I walked into the bedroom, stripped off and asked my wife what she most like to do with my body. She looked me up an down and said "Identify it"
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades
Last night, I walked into the bedroom, stripped off and asked my wife what she most like to do with my body. She looked me up an down and said "Identify it"
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