Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 11)

[Monkeylegend]

What do strippers and cats have in common?

They both sit on your lap but you can't touch them.

[Monkeylegend]

When I was a baby my parents used to bathe me in Australian Lager.

It wasn't until I reached 18 that I realised I had been fostered.

Disclaimer:

All the above courtesy of the MBUK club

[GAjon]

Monkeylegend said:

When I was a baby my parents used to bathe me in Australian Lager.

It wasn't until I reached 18 that I realised I had been fostered.

Disclaimer:

All the above courtesy of the MBUK club

Wouldn’t have happened if your mother had been on the Pils.

[Pixelpeep Electric]

Monkeylegend said:

Breaking news, Liverpool airport has been closed due to a suspicious car.

It is taxed, insured and has a valid MOT.

Christ ML, 1987 called.. they want their joke back

[MartG]

Pixelpeep Electric said:

Monkeylegend said:

Breaking news, Liverpool airport has been closed due to a suspicious car.

It is taxed, insured and has a valid MOT.

Christ ML, 1987 called.. they want their joke back

I think 1958 has a prior claim

[Monkeylegend]

I did say I was but the messenger

[Pixelpeep Electric]

MartG said:

Pixelpeep Electric said:

Monkeylegend said:

Breaking news, Liverpool airport has been closed due to a suspicious car.

It is taxed, insured and has a valid MOT.

Christ ML, 1987 called.. they want their joke back

I think 1958 has a prior claim

I've done some research - it seems the Egyptians paused the Battle of Megiddo for around 2 minutes to tell that joke.

[Monkeylegend]

Pixelpeep Electric said:

MartG said:

Pixelpeep Electric said:

Monkeylegend said:

Breaking news, Liverpool airport has been closed due to a suspicious car.

It is taxed, insured and has a valid MOT.

Christ ML, 1987 called.. they want their joke back

I think 1958 has a prior claim

I've done some research - it seems the Egyptians paused the Battle of Megiddo for around 2 minutes to tell that joke.

All part of their pyramid selling scam.

[QJumper]

Monkeylegend said:

Pixelpeep Electric said:

MartG said:

Pixelpeep Electric said:

Monkeylegend said:

Breaking news, Liverpool airport has been closed due to a suspicious car.

It is taxed, insured and has a valid MOT.

Christ ML, 1987 called.. they want their joke back

I think 1958 has a prior claim

I've done some research - it seems the Egyptians paused the Battle of Megiddo for around 2 minutes to tell that joke.

All part of their pyramid selling scam.

He was certainly a dodgy giza.

[Monkeylegend]

QJumper said:

Monkeylegend said:

Pixelpeep Electric said:

MartG said:

Pixelpeep Electric said:

Monkeylegend said:

Breaking news, Liverpool airport has been closed due to a suspicious car.

It is taxed, insured and has a valid MOT.

Christ ML, 1987 called.. they want their joke back

I think 1958 has a prior claim

I've done some research - it seems the Egyptians paused the Battle of Megiddo for around 2 minutes to tell that joke.

All part of their pyramid selling scam.

He was certainly a dodgy giza.

WKB have a lot to answer for.

https://www.google.com/search?q=comedy+egyptian+sa...

[glenrobbo]

MartG said:

Pixelpeep Electric said:

Monkeylegend said:

Breaking news, Liverpool airport has been closed due to a suspicious car.

It is taxed, insured and has a valid MOT.

Christ ML, 1987 called.. they want their joke back

I think 1958 has a prior claim

Nope, the MoT Test wasn't introduced until 1960 (for cars over 10 years old).

[Monkeylegend]

glenrobbo said:

MartG said:

Pixelpeep Electric said:

Monkeylegend said:

Breaking news, Liverpool airport has been closed due to a suspicious car.

It is taxed, insured and has a valid MOT.

Christ ML, 1987 called.. they want their joke back

I think 1958 has a prior claim

Nope, the MoT Test wasn't introduced until 1960 (for cars over 10 years old).

Hah.

https://giphy.com/gifs/babytv-nUDUQ7NsqcklbqbAKk

[glenrobbo]

Also the MoT was introduced to Liverpool around 1992, but it was never widely adopted.

[Monkeylegend]

Dating in 2023

"Don't worry babe a lot of people have a small penis"

"I know Jenny but I was kind of wishing you didn't have one at all"

[Vipers]

Monkeylegend said:

Breaking news, Liverpool airport has been closed due to a suspicious car.

It is taxed, insured and has a valid MOT.

It seems I haven’t been around as long as some of our readers so I hadn’t heard that one before, excellent

[Regbuser]

Monkeylegend said:

Dating in 2023

"Don't worry babe a lot of people have a small penis"

"I know Jenny but I was kind of wishing you didn't have one at all"

LOLZ

[Still Mulling]

Monkeylegend said:

"Brooklyn, do you want to be a good footballer like your Dad or a good singer like Mariah Carey?"

[vetrof]

Still Mulling said:

Monkeylegend said:

"Brooklyn, do you want to be a good footballer like your Dad or a good singer like Mariah Carey?"

Courtesy of Ali G, circa 2001.

[Monkeylegend]

vetrof said:

Still Mulling said:

Monkeylegend said:

"Brooklyn, do you want to be a good footballer like your Dad or a good singer like Mariah Carey?"

Courtesy of Ali G, circa 2001.

They are all courtesy of somebody

[Master Of Puppets]

A boy keeps being late for school and the teacher threatens to punish him if it continues. The next day he's 2 hours late.

Teacher: I warned you about this.
Boy: But my father got burned this morning.
Teacher: I'm sorry to hear that, nothing too serious I hope.
Boy: They don't fk about in the crematorium miss.