Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 11)

[MikeHo]

turbobloke said:

eats shoots and leaves'

Reminds me of many a Saturday night out.

[Frimley111R]

MikeHo said:

turbobloke said:

eats shoots and leaves'

Reminds me of many a Saturday night out.

That is a very old joke but when I first heard it the joke involved a prostitute which made it funnier.

[NoddyonNitrous]

Frimley111R said:

MikeHo said:

turbobloke said:

eats shoots and leaves'

Reminds me of many a Saturday night out.

That is a very old joke but when I first heard it the joke involved a prostitute which made it funnier.

Version I knew was "eats, roots shoots and leaves" - 'root' being (?Australian) slang for ucking.

[jumare]

Frimley111R said:

MikeHo said:

turbobloke said:

eats shoots and leaves'

Reminds me of many a Saturday night out.

That is a very old joke but when I first heard it the joke involved a prostitute which made it funnier.

Lynne Truss, 'Eats, shoots & leaves - The zero tolerance approach to punctuation'. The joke on the back has the Panda in a cafe, but I've heard the prostitute one as well.

[turbobloke]

jumare said:

Frimley111R said:

MikeHo said:

turbobloke said:

eats shoots and leaves'

Reminds me of many a Saturday night out.

That is a very old joke but when I first heard it the joke involved a prostitute which made it funnier.

Lynne Truss, 'Eats, shoots & leaves - The zero tolerance approach to punctuation'. The joke on the back has the Panda in a cafe, but I've heard the prostitute one as well.

I haven't heard the funnier prostitute version. Obviously a ho ho ho joke.

[GeneralBanter]

Master Of Puppets said:

My neighbour told me her cat needed to be chipped.

I only had a 9 Iron but I still got it over the fence.

Excellent

[TGTiff]

I made a curry for the kids.
But they would not eat it because I had put ginger in it.
They loved that cat!

[Frimley111R]

TGTiff said:

I made a curry for the kids.
But they would not eat it because I had put ginger in it.
They loved that cat!

[CopperBolt]

Just seen Suggs on TV espousing diversity in the workplace and equal rights for all sexes. Its Madness gone politically correct!

Edited by CopperBolt on Wednesday 24th May 15:12

[bristolbaron]

Jimmy Saville, Gary Glitter and Rolf Harris walk into an Irish Bar.

The barman looks up and says “oh no, not yew tree again”

[Pitre]

CopperBolt said:

Just seen Suggs on TV espousing diversity in the workplace and equal rites for all sexes. Its Madness gone politically correct!

ISWYDT

[WrekinCrew]

CopperBolt said:

Just seen Suggs on TV espousing diversity in the workplace and equal rites for all sexes. Its Madness gone politically correct!

The Terry Pratchett book?

[Stealthracer]

I bought a stick insect then found I didn't like it.

So I tried to throw it away but the dog kept bringing it back.

[Monkeylegend]

I've been trying to get rid of my boomerang collection for years.

[Sticks.]

I've sold my homing pigeon five times on eBay.

[rev-erend]

One of Santa's reindeer served in the army with Tina Turner

Back then he was known as Private Dancer

[Avenicus]

Have one, get one free.......



I just found out that Richard Gere's father was a famous German ventriloquist.

His name was Gottler.






I actually do a pretty good ventriloquist act, even if I do say so myself.

[silverfoxcc]

The man who invented hair removal wax has died.


RIP

[Vipers]

Avenicus said:

I just found out that Richard Gere's father was a famous German ventriloquist.

His name was Gottler

Love it.

[MarkwG]

Sticks. said:

I've sold my homing pigeon five times on eBay.

Neat twist on the Sara Pascoe "You cannot lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn't come back, then what you've lost is a pigeon."