Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 11)

[W211]

There was an emergency incident at my local Indian Takeaway last night.

I had to daal naan naan naan

[Sticks.]

W211 said:

There was an emergency incident at my local Indian Takeaway last night.

I had to daal naan naan naan

I went there and had Tarka Dhal, which was a little 'otter than normal.

MarkwG said:

Neat twist on the Sara Pascoe "You cannot lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn't come back, then what you've lost is a pigeon."

Very good.

[Master Of Puppets]

My Half-Brother and I, aren't allowed to play with chainsaws anymore.

[vaud]

Master Of Puppets said:

My Half-Brother and I, aren't allowed to play with chainsaws anymore.

That is brilliant.

[paua]

vaud said:

Master Of Puppets said:

My Half-Brother and I, aren't allowed to play with chainsaws anymore.

That is brilliant.

I Stihl don't get it.

[turbobloke]

paua said:

vaud said:

Master Of Puppets said:

My Half-Brother and I, aren't allowed to play with chainsaws anymore.

That is brilliant.

I Stihl don't get it.

Which half

[Still Mulling]

paua said:

vaud said:

Master Of Puppets said:

My Half-Brother and I, aren't allowed to play with chainsaws anymore.

That is brilliant.

I Stihl don't get it.

Very good

[Vipers]

Woman moaning at her husband.

She says “Why do you keep pushing my buttons.”

He said “I am trying to find the must button”.

[Gadgetmac]

Vipers said:

Woman moaning at her husband.

She says “Why do you keep pushing my buttons.”

He said “I am trying to find the must button”.

What's a 'must' button?

[bristolbaron]

Gadgetmac said:

Vipers said:

Woman moaning at her husband.

She says “Why do you keep pushing my buttons.”

He said “I am trying to find the must button”.

What's a 'must' button?

The one that produces the musty smell..

[droopsnoot]

Gadgetmac said:

Vipers said:

Woman moaning at her husband.

She says “Why do you keep pushing my buttons.”

He said “I am trying to find the must button”.

What's a 'must' button?

When I saw this as a meme the other day, the punchline was "I am trying to find the mute button", which I must admit makes a bit more sense.

[Vipers]

Jist keeping you on your toez

[silverfoxcc]

I went back to my childhood neighbourhood last night. Edmonton North London

I went for a pint in my old local as there was a quiz night on. I am not saying that the place has changed for the worse, but the first prize was an alibi

[turbobloke]

droopsnoot said:

Gadgetmac said:

Vipers said:

Woman moaning at her husband.

She says “Why do you keep pushing my buttons.”

He said “I am trying to find the must button”.

What's a 'must' button?

When I saw this as a meme the other day, the punchline was "I am trying to find the mute button", which I must admit makes a bit more sense.

It would make sense, and reminds me of a joke probably older even than the ho version of the panda joke.

Woman at breakfast table, to husband sat behind newspaper "you don't talk with me any more"
Man behind newspaper, at breakfast table, replying to wife "that's not true, I told you to shut up two minutes ago didn't I?"

[GeneralBanter]

Old as the hills:

Bloke goes into a bar:

1. Gets knocked out. It was an iron bar.

2. Goes up to the bar and a regular is getting a drink: ‘pint please donkey’ ‘thanks donkey’. He says to the barman why did he call you donkey? Barman replies ‘oh eyore-eyore-eyoreways calls me that.

[Monkeylegend]

GeneralBanter said:

Old as the hills:

Bloke goes into a bar:

1. Gets knocked out. It was an iron bar.

2. Goes up to the bar and a regular is getting a drink: ‘pint please donkey’ ‘thanks donkey’. He says to the barman why did he call you donkey? Barman replies ‘oh eyore-eyore-eyoreways calls me that.

I think he actually walked into a bar.

[R6tty]

Vipers said:

Woman moaning at her husband.

She says “Why do you keep pushing my buttons.”

He said “I am trying to find the must button”.

And that's when the fight broke out. Yep. Been here longer than my stats might say.

[lord trumpton]

A machine learning algorithm walks into a bar...

Bartender - What can I get you to drink?

Algorithm - What's everybody else having?

Edited by lord trumpton on Thursday 25th May 21:00

[GeneralBanter]

Monkeylegend said:

GeneralBanter said:

Old as the hills:

Bloke goes into a bar:

1. Gets knocked out. It was an iron bar.

2. Goes up to the bar and a regular is getting a drink: ‘pint please donkey’ ‘thanks donkey’. He says to the barman why did he call you donkey? Barman replies ‘oh eyore-eyore-eyoreways calls me that.

I think he actually walked into a bar.

Going checks ok

[WrekinCrew]

GeneralBanter said:

Old as the hills:

Bloke goes into a bar:

1. Gets knocked out. It was an iron

Tommy Cooper.