Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 11)

[NWTony]

Countdown said:

A little known fact - one of Sean Connery's few career failures was when he didn't get opportunity to do voiceovers for the adverts for Citibank.

City Wok, you can have City chicken, city beef, city prawns

[Monkeylegend]

A blonde and her boyfriend are out hunting deer in the woods when her boyfriend collapses. He seems to have stop breathing and his eyes have glazed over.

In a panic the blonde calls the emergency services and gasps "My boyfriend has collapsed and he looks dead, what should I do?"

"Calm down" says the operator "first of all we need to make sure he is dead"

There is silence on the phone for a few seconds then the operator hears the muffled sounds of a gunshot.

The blonde comes back on the phone and says "Yes, he's dead, now what"

[Monkeylegend]

Phil Collins wife had triplet girls and he wanted to call them all Anna.

"But how will we tell them apart" she asked

"Anna1, Anna2, Anna3" Phil replied.

[Monkeylegend]

Why do ducks have feathers?

To cover their butt quacks.




Statistically 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.

[Pixelpeep 135]

Monkeylegend said:

Why do ducks have feathers?

To cover their butt quacks.

Ducks can sing after they're dead.

you just have to wait until it's Bill withers

[Legacywr]

bristolbaron said:

I phoned a pizza place at the weekend and ordered a thin and crispy supreme.. they sent me Diana Ross.

[Pixelpeep 135]

I've just found out the company i've been buying my yardsticks from for my whole life won't make them any longer

[kowalski655]

I'm reading a book about roadworks...still stuck on page 1

[Doofus]

People always told me that masturbation isn't productive, but I've been doing it twice a day for four years now and I've got nearly a dustbin full in the wardrobe.

[Laurel Green]

[GloverMart]

Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give?

Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one?

Interviewer: Brown one.

Farmer: A couple of litres per day.

Interviewer: And the black one?

Farmer: A couple of litres per day.

Interviewer(naturally a bit flummoxed): I see. What do you give them to eat?

Farmer: Which one? Black or brown?

Interviewer: Black.

Farmer: It eats grass.

Interviewer: And the other one?

Farmer: Grass.

Interviewer(now annoyed) : Why do you keep asking which one when the answers are the same?

Farmer: Because the black one’s mine.

Interviewer: Oh, and the brown one?

Farmer: It’s also mine

[anonymous-user]

GloverMart said:

Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give?

Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one?

Interviewer: Brown one.

Farmer: A couple of litres per day.

Interviewer: And the black one?

Farmer: A couple of litres per day.

Interviewer(naturally a bit flummoxed): I see. What do you give them to eat?

Farmer: Which one? Black or brown?

Interviewer: Black.

Farmer: It eats grass.

Interviewer: And the other one?

Farmer: Grass.

Interviewer(now annoyed) : Why do you keep asking which one when the answers are the same?

Farmer: Because the black one’s mine.

Interviewer: Oh, and the brown one?

Farmer: It’s also mine

Punchline?

[psi310398]

V6 Pushfit said:

Punchline?

They were actually parrots, not cows…

[Doofus]

V6 Pushfit said:

Punchline?

The interviewer fainted.

[GloverMart]

The world record holding dodgeball champion has passed away.

He'll be missed by everyone.

[Road2Ruin]

V6 Pushfit said:

GloverMart said:

Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give?

Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one?

Interviewer: Brown one.

Farmer: A couple of litres per day.

Interviewer: And the black one?

Farmer: A couple of litres per day.

Interviewer(naturally a bit flummoxed): I see. What do you give them to eat?

Farmer: Which one? Black or brown?

Interviewer: Black.

Farmer: It eats grass.

Interviewer: And the other one?

Farmer: Grass.

Interviewer(now annoyed) : Why do you keep asking which one when the answers are the same?

Farmer: Because the black one’s mine.

Interviewer: Oh, and the brown one?

Farmer: It’s also mine

Punchline?

Too sophisticated for you I guess...

[Stan the Bat]

I think it's a great joke.

[anonymous-user]

Road2Ruin said:

V6 Pushfit said:

GloverMart said:

Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give?

Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one?

Interviewer: Brown one.

Farmer: A couple of litres per day.

Interviewer: And the black one?

Farmer: A couple of litres per day.

Interviewer(naturally a bit flummoxed): I see. What do you give them to eat?

Farmer: Which one? Black or brown?

Interviewer: Black.

Farmer: It eats grass.

Interviewer: And the other one?

Farmer: Grass.

Interviewer(now annoyed) : Why do you keep asking which one when the answers are the same?

Farmer: Because the black one’s mine.

Interviewer: Oh, and the brown one?

Farmer: It’s also mine

Punchline?

Too sophisticated for you I guess...

Definitely.

Definitely needs a punchline too though. I’m sure there was one when it was last posted on here.

[CourtAgain]

Take care on rural roads...

[GloverMart]

V6 Pushfit said:

Road2Ruin said:

V6 Pushfit said:

GloverMart said:

Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give?

Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one?

Interviewer: Brown one.

Farmer: A couple of litres per day.

Interviewer: And the black one?

Farmer: A couple of litres per day.

Interviewer(naturally a bit flummoxed): I see. What do you give them to eat?

Farmer: Which one? Black or brown?

Interviewer: Black.

Farmer: It eats grass.

Interviewer: And the other one?

Farmer: Grass.

Interviewer(now annoyed) : Why do you keep asking which one when the answers are the same?

Farmer: Because the black one’s mine.

Interviewer: Oh, and the brown one?

Farmer: It’s also mine

Punchline?

Too sophisticated for you I guess...

Definitely.

Definitely needs a punchline too though. I’m sure there was one when it was last posted on here.

It came up on my Facebook memories feed this morning, I posted it on there a year ago today. I'll be honest, I don't ever remember it having a punchline, in fact I think it would spoil the gist of the joke if it DID have one. The whole point is that the interviewer is getting annoyed with the farmer, he finally thinks he's going to get an answer from the farmer but he doesn't. That's the joke right there IMO.