Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 11)
Discussion
Jinx said:
cobra kid said:
Snowflakes and woke.
"I can't think for myself so I have to use phrases by other made up by other people"
It used to be Mary Whitehouse and political correctness, now snowflake and woke - same mindset different demographic."I can't think for myself so I have to use phrases by other made up by other people"
@whatashennannigan
Edited by GeneralBanter on Wednesday 17th April 09:33
Super Sonic said:
Simmos said:
Vipers said:
With all the censorship I always have a chuckle when Radio 2 plays Lou Reid’s Take a walk on the wild side, line “She never lost her head even giving head”, seems to have avoided censorship all the years 
I always smile at Squeeze 'Cool for cats'..."I'm invited in for coffee and I give the dog a bone"
"He ran by me, got my suit damp"!
"I'm a big boy now, or so they say
So, if you'll serve, I'll be on my way
Box of balloons with the feather-light touch"
Halmyre said:
Super Sonic said:
Simmos said:
Vipers said:
With all the censorship I always have a chuckle when Radio 2 plays Lou Reid’s Take a walk on the wild side, line “She never lost her head even giving head”, seems to have avoided censorship all the years
I always smile at Squeeze 'Cool for cats'..."I'm invited in for coffee and I give the dog a bone"
"He ran by me, got my suit damp"!
"I'm a big boy now, or so they say
So, if you'll serve, I'll be on my way
Box of balloons with the feather-light touch"
"I feed the pigeons, I sometimes feed the sparrows too
It gives me a sense of enormous well-being"
or the incomparable poetry of:
Busted, "Air Hostess"
"I messed my pants
When we flew over France"
Two priests are taking a vacation, and they decide to go to a caribbean island. They arrive to the tropical paradise, but they don’t want anyone to recognize them as priests, so they took out every religious item, dressed in swimwear, shirts and sunglasses, and go to the beach.
They are enjoying the sun when an astonishing, voluptuous blonde, wearing a tiny bikini, walks by their side and tells them “Hello Fathers. How are you today?”
The priests are shocked. How were they recognized?
Next day they doubled down on their attire, putting on as many tourist elements are they could, and went back to the beach.
They were enjoying their time, just relaxing, when the same astonishing woman walks by and says “Hello Fathers. How are you doing?”
The priests simply have no explanation… The next day the put even more effort in their attire, wearing the most extravant and touristic elements possible, and go back to the beach.
They are relaxing at the beach once more, when the stunning woman walks by yet again and says “Hello Fathers. How are you?”
This time the priests couldn’t take it anymore. They stand up, go to the woman and ask her how can she recognize them as priests, since they removed every religious element and dressed as much as tourists as they could.
Surprised, the woman replies “Don’t you recognize me? It is I, sister Teresa!”
They are enjoying the sun when an astonishing, voluptuous blonde, wearing a tiny bikini, walks by their side and tells them “Hello Fathers. How are you today?”
The priests are shocked. How were they recognized?
Next day they doubled down on their attire, putting on as many tourist elements are they could, and went back to the beach.
They were enjoying their time, just relaxing, when the same astonishing woman walks by and says “Hello Fathers. How are you doing?”
The priests simply have no explanation… The next day the put even more effort in their attire, wearing the most extravant and touristic elements possible, and go back to the beach.
They are relaxing at the beach once more, when the stunning woman walks by yet again and says “Hello Fathers. How are you?”
This time the priests couldn’t take it anymore. They stand up, go to the woman and ask her how can she recognize them as priests, since they removed every religious element and dressed as much as tourists as they could.
Surprised, the woman replies “Don’t you recognize me? It is I, sister Teresa!”
shirt said:
AstonZagato said:
Blur, 'Parklife'
"I feed the pigeons, I sometimes feed the sparrows too
It gives me a sense of enormous well-being"
I might be due a whoosh pigeon but I don’t get the innuendo here. Feeding a horse yea, but a pigeon?"I feed the pigeons, I sometimes feed the sparrows too
It gives me a sense of enormous well-being"
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=fe...
GeneralBanter said:
GeneralBanter said:
NoddyonNitrous said:
Two Ronnies in the golf club:
"Are you a town member or a country member?"
"I'm a country member."
"Ah yes, I do remember."
Amazed they got away with that in the 70s or 80s.
Brilliant."Are you a town member or a country member?"
"I'm a country member."
"Ah yes, I do remember."
Amazed they got away with that in the 70s or 80s.
Looked it up but can’t find it anywhere. Hope it’s not mythical. If it wasn’t them it should have been!
AstonZagato said:
shirt said:
AstonZagato said:
Blur, 'Parklife'
"I feed the pigeons, I sometimes feed the sparrows too
It gives me a sense of enormous well-being"
I might be due a whoosh pigeon but I don’t get the innuendo here. Feeding a horse yea, but a pigeon?"I feed the pigeons, I sometimes feed the sparrows too
It gives me a sense of enormous well-being"
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=fe...
(Danko's watch alarm goes off)
Danko: Time to feed parakeet.
Ritzig: What's that, Russian for "jerking off"?
A women lives at home with her only son Nigel and never wants him to leave so she tells him never to go near girls as they have got teeth down below.
A few years pass and the lad reaches puberty so again the mother warns him never to go near girls as they have got teeth down below.
The lad finally meets a girl called Kate to the dismay of his mother, but after going out with her for six months he has yet to make sexual advances.
Kate: Nigel, don't you fancy me?
Nigel: Of course I do Kate
Kate: Well why have you never attempted to get me into bed?
Nigel: It's a bit embarrassing to be honest, but my mum told me that you girls have teeth down below.
Kate: "Don't be silly", and with that she proceeded to remove her clothes. "Have a look for yourself, there's no teeth down there."
Nigel bends to look between her legs and replies,
"I'm not bloody surprised look at the state of your gums!"
A few years pass and the lad reaches puberty so again the mother warns him never to go near girls as they have got teeth down below.
The lad finally meets a girl called Kate to the dismay of his mother, but after going out with her for six months he has yet to make sexual advances.
Kate: Nigel, don't you fancy me?
Nigel: Of course I do Kate
Kate: Well why have you never attempted to get me into bed?
Nigel: It's a bit embarrassing to be honest, but my mum told me that you girls have teeth down below.
Kate: "Don't be silly", and with that she proceeded to remove her clothes. "Have a look for yourself, there's no teeth down there."
Nigel bends to look between her legs and replies,
"I'm not bloody surprised look at the state of your gums!"
AstonZagato said:
shirt said:
AstonZagato said:
Blur, 'Parklife'
"I feed the pigeons, I sometimes feed the sparrows too
It gives me a sense of enormous well-being"
I might be due a whoosh pigeon but I don’t get the innuendo here. Feeding a horse yea, but a pigeon?"I feed the pigeons, I sometimes feed the sparrows too
It gives me a sense of enormous well-being"
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=fe...
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