The Boredom of a Relationship

[Jcwjosh]

Jamescrs said:

Happy to answer the questions,

My kids are 5 and 10 (near enough)

I go to bed between 9:30 and 10pm, depending on what i'm watching on TV with the Mrs, we tend to binge watch box sets on Netflix/ Amazon etc and if an episode finishes whenever between those times then that's it really. I'm usually asleep by 10:30. I'm up at 4:30 on work days, having packed my work clothes into my car the night before and my gym bag so I throw my training clothes on and straight to the gym, I will be in there before 5am and it's a 24 hour gym with keyfob access so I just let myself in.

I'll train till around 6:45 then straight to the office where I shower and change and i'll be sat at my desk eating breakfast by 7:40am (I officially start at 8am).

I train two days on and one day off including weekends, if i'm in the gym at the weekend i'll get up at 5am instead. I could go later on weekends but I like to go when it's dead, I don't really socialise with people in the gym past saying hello to the regulars I see.

Thanks for the insight sounds pretty much what I did pre child. As I’m work from home I guess it’s trying to find the motivation to get up and go each morning and finding a gym that’s open early.

[Douglas Quaid]

OP how many women did you shag before you got this one?

You have to get it out of your system. Once there then you will hopefully be ok but it’s nothing to do with the woman you’re with now, it’s what is in your own head as to whether you’ll be happy or not.

There are a lot of men who settled for the first woman who said yes. Don’t listen to them.

[PositronicRay]

Everything in life involves risk/reward and compromise. Only you can decide which risks and comprises are worth making.

[MG CHRIS]

AndyC_123 said:

Bit of a rambling one, apologies in advance.

Anyone else get bored in a relationship?

Been with GF for 5 years or so. She's great - clever, fit good fun etc. But when I see or meet other birds, I want to shag them (even if they aren't as fit as GF). I'd like to settle down with this one, but I can't see myself ever settling down. But then I'd never have kids etc, which I'd love to have at some point.

I don't think I've been faithful in any relationship.

Is family life a tossup of not doing what you really want, vs dying alone? Get well looked after and my tea cooked for me every night, could never be single or I'd have to go back to cooking myself.

Is it all about sex? I have plenty with the missus, but can't beat the thrill of someone new. Only reason I don't go pursuing more is the risk of getting caught.

I get bored easily. Start a hobby, become ok at it and then move onto something else. Bit of an adrenaline junky.


TLDR; selfish prick with issues.

Why not sit down and have a talk with your Mrs tell her what your feeling she can either take it 2 ways tell you to jog on or she may be up for allowing you to shag someone else or she may want to get involved herself. What you can't do is lie to her and mostly lie to yourself.

What do you value more being with her and not upsetting the apple cart while deep down not being happy in yourself or being truthful to yourself and being honest with your feelings and thoughts.

[PDP76]

I have two opinions.

1. You don’t love her like you think you do. I’ve been in relationships with people and I know that I’ve not totally loved them and I’ve cheated.
I’ve also been in relationships with people that I’ve loved completely and not cheated on them because I don’t want to. A relationship I’m in the start of now falls firmly into the category of I won’t cheat.

2. Monogamy is not for you. I know a colleague at work that is forever doing this and forever sniffing his nose up any piece of skirt that looks his way.
Failed marriages, numerous kids and houses to pay for because of it.
Still doesn’t learn.

[dirty boy]

AndyC_123 said:

Bit of a rambling one, apologies in advance.

Anyone else get bored in a relationship?

Of course, sometimes, rarely, but there's not many red blooded males who'd pass up that 'one' who you pass from time to time should the opportunity arise, for most of us, the guilt and ability to look beyond our own selfishness is the safety lock, but if you don't love and care for the one you're with, that safety lock is more of paperclip.

AndyC_123 said:

Been with GF for 5 years or so. She's great - clever, fit good fun etc. But when I see or meet other birds, I want to shag them (even if they aren't as fit as GF). I'd like to settle down with this one, but I can't see myself ever settling down. But then I'd never have kids etc, which I'd love to have at some point.

Would you be upset if she fked off with some other bloke? If not, then I guess the latter is pointless.

If you want kids, you need them with someone who you have a decent relationship with, otherwise the kids are fked from the very start.

Priorities start to come into it.

AndyC_123 said:

I don't think I've been faithful in any relationship.

Bit odd, but again, shows you probably don't actually care enough for the people you're finding yourself with? I've nobbed about a bit in my early teens, but as soon as I met Mrs Dirt, it all changed...and I mean everything.

AndyC_123 said:

Is family life a tossup of not doing what you really want, vs dying alone? Get well looked after and my tea cooked for me every night, could never be single or I'd have to go back to cooking myself.

That's a very black and white approach, there's loads of stuff inbetween

AndyC_123 said:

Is it all about sex? I have plenty with the missus, but can't beat the thrill of someone new. Only reason I don't go pursuing more is the risk of getting caught..

Have kids.....then it goes back to the thrill of getting caught

Then when they're out, it's like a fking huge release and you just go at it like you did when you first met.....fk knows what will happen when mine go to Uni, there'll be the new honeymoon period, then slip back into some sort of "fancy a shag" type stuff I guess? No idea, but she's still moist so I'm game.

AndyC_123 said:

I get bored easily. Start a hobby, become ok at it and then move onto something else. Bit of an adrenaline junky.

Variety is the spice of life right? Just do more stuff? We try and see different places, do different stuff, get bigger dildos, whatever, jazz st up.

AndyC_123 said:

TLDR; selfish prick with issues.

Probably.


Does she take it up the arse?

[anonymous-user]

Joey Deacon said:

anonymous said:

[redacted]

You have just reminded me of someone I was friends with since University, but haven't seen for 8 years or so. It was almost like there was something mentally wrong with him as he would literally chase and sleep with anything that was female.

<snip>

A friend of mine was/is the same. It was unbelievable. As soon as he turned 15/16 he had women, of all ages, absolutely throwing themselves at at him. He looked like a cross between Hugh Jackman and David Gandy, and on top of that, he was essentially a Sociopath. A social chameleon who knew how to chat up any women of any age or background, and tell them whatever they want to hear, but he would also know exactly what to say to 'get rid of them' afterwards. It was like a production line.

I remember during the University years he was absolutely out of control. Getting more and more caught up in spinning webs of lies to all the women he had been with, drinking heavily all the time, and by his own admission, being completely unable to control his urges. One night we were walking through Manchester on a student night out, and he got wolf-whistled at by some chav girls in tracksuits sat on a bench, so he walked over to them, and ended up having sex with one behind a shop, then he caught us up at the bar, met a girl he had been seeing and had sex with her in a toilet cubicle, then on the way home to his flat, the rough as old boots female taxi driver kept eyeing him up in the mirror, and he ended up having sex with her when they got back to his. Then when he finished with the taxi driver, he would go back out again to stalk the late night kebab shops to chat up yet another girl before the morning.

That kind of night out wasn't uncommon. Having sex with a different woman each week wasn't enough. He would be at it with several a night if the opportunity arose. Many of his conquests came about from simply walking past a girl in the street or in a bar, stopping them, being Mr Smooth and telling them how pretty they were, and before you know it they were doing it back at his place.

I added loads more detail, but then deleted it as some of it is extremely grim. Long story short, after Uni, he ended up in a relationship with the daughter of a very wealthy businessman (Sunday Time Rich List type chap), who was an absolutely lovely girl, she was head over heels for him, and we thought that was it, even he wouldn't be daft enough to mess that up, and it would sort him out. It didn't, the lying and cheating started after only a few months, the drinking spiralled out of control, and his life just fell apart from there. Again.

He was a complete train wreck for years, but still managing to talk himself into well paid jobs and maintain a thin veneer of middle-class respectability, and hiding his secret life at nights and weekends. Recently he got married and appears to be making efforts to settle down, but I would be very surprised if he remained faithful.

For nearly 20 years he was practically famous as being the 'lad of all lads', rumours that he had slept with 1000 women, was the absolute life and soul of any party, was hilarious and charming, but the reality was that he was an absolute tragedy. He clearly has deep rooted mental issues and I wouldn't swap lives with him for anything.

[Jcwjosh]

Lord Marylebone said:

A friend of mine was/is the same. It was unbelievable. As soon as he turned 15/16 he had women, of all ages, absolutely throwing themselves at at him. He looked like a cross between Hugh Jackman and David Gandy, and on top of that, he was essentially a Sociopath. A social chameleon who knew how to chat up any women of any age or background, and tell them whatever they want to hear, but he would also know exactly what to say to 'get rid of them' afterwards. It was like a production line.

I remember during the University years he was absolutely out of control. Getting more and more caught up in spinning webs of lies to all the women he had been with, drinking heavily all the time, and by his own admission, being completely unable to control his urges. One night we were walking through Manchester on a student night out, and he got wolf-whistled at by some chav girls in tracksuits sat on a bench, so he walked over to them, and ended up having sex with one behind a shop, then he caught us up at the bar, met a girl he had been seeing and had sex with her in a toilet cubicle, then on the way home to his flat, the rough as old boots female taxi driver kept eyeing him up in the mirror, and he ended up having sex with her when they got back to his. Then when he finished with the taxi driver, he would go back out again to stalk the late night kebab shops to chat up yet another girl before the morning.

That kind of night out wasn't uncommon. Having sex with a different woman each week wasn't enough. He would be at it with several a night if the opportunity arose. Many of his conquests came about from simply walking past a girl in the street or in a bar, stopping them, being Mr Smooth and telling them how pretty they were, and before you know it they were doing it back at his place.

I added loads more detail, but then deleted it as some of it is extremely grim. Long story short, after Uni, he ended up in a relationship with the daughter of a very wealthy businessman (Sunday Time Rich List type chap), who was an absolutely lovely girl, she was head over heels for him, and we thought that was it, even he wouldn't be daft enough to mess that up, and it would sort him out. It didn't, the lying and cheating started after only a few months, the drinking spiralled out of control, and his life just fell apart from there. Again.

He was a complete train wreck for years, but still managing to talk himself into well paid jobs and maintain a thin veneer of middle-class respectability, and hiding his secret life at nights and weekends. Recently he got married and appears to be making efforts to settle down, but I would be very surprised if he remained faithful.

For nearly 20 years he was practically famous as being the 'lad of all lads', rumours that he had slept with 1000 women, was the absolute life and soul of any party, was hilarious and charming, but the reality was that he was an absolute tragedy. He clearly has deep rooted mental issues and I wouldn't swap lives with him for anything.

Possibly some kind of sexual predator.

[popeyewhite]

Gareth79 said:

popeyewhite said:

Single most important factor is your own happiness OP.

NB
As you get older what makes you happy can change.

However making oneself happy at the expense of another person's wellbeing is not on.

And that's not happening. And If you seriously suggest an individual should stay in a relationship to avoid making their partner unhappy you're more crackers than a cheese cracker.

[otolith]

popeyewhite said:

And that's not happening. And If you seriously suggest an individual should stay in a relationship to avoid making their partner unhappy you're more crackers than a cheese cracker.

They should not. But if they are temperamentally unsuited to long term loving monogamous relationships they shouldn't get into what the other person thinks is one.

[anonymous-user]

Jcwjosh said:

Possibly some kind of sexual predator.

Absolutely no doubt about it.

For all he was hilarious, outrageous, intelligent, and the life of the party, some of the stuff that happened was beyond grim. I was always on the fringes of the friendships with him as I thought he had crossed the line from being 'a lad' to being someone who simply abused women, or at the very least, treated them very badly. I had no time for it and distanced myself as the years passed.

The problem was, most other men thought his antics were the height of hilarity and the stuff of legends, so he was practically encouraged.

[STe_rsv4]

Jcwjosh said:

Lord Marylebone said:

A friend of mine was/is the same. It was unbelievable. As soon as he turned 15/16 he had women, of all ages, absolutely throwing themselves at at him. He looked like a cross between Hugh Jackman and David Gandy, and on top of that, he was essentially a Sociopath. A social chameleon who knew how to chat up any women of any age or background, and tell them whatever they want to hear, but he would also know exactly what to say to 'get rid of them' afterwards. It was like a production line.

I remember during the University years he was absolutely out of control. Getting more and more caught up in spinning webs of lies to all the women he had been with, drinking heavily all the time, and by his own admission, being completely unable to control his urges. One night we were walking through Manchester on a student night out, and he got wolf-whistled at by some chav girls in tracksuits sat on a bench, so he walked over to them, and ended up having sex with one behind a shop, then he caught us up at the bar, met a girl he had been seeing and had sex with her in a toilet cubicle, then on the way home to his flat, the rough as old boots female taxi driver kept eyeing him up in the mirror, and he ended up having sex with her when they got back to his. Then when he finished with the taxi driver, he would go back out again to stalk the late night kebab shops to chat up yet another girl before the morning.

That kind of night out wasn't uncommon. Having sex with a different woman each week wasn't enough. He would be at it with several a night if the opportunity arose. Many of his conquests came about from simply walking past a girl in the street or in a bar, stopping them, being Mr Smooth and telling them how pretty they were, and before you know it they were doing it back at his place.

I added loads more detail, but then deleted it as some of it is extremely grim. Long story short, after Uni, he ended up in a relationship with the daughter of a very wealthy businessman (Sunday Time Rich List type chap), who was an absolutely lovely girl, she was head over heels for him, and we thought that was it, even he wouldn't be daft enough to mess that up, and it would sort him out. It didn't, the lying and cheating started after only a few months, the drinking spiralled out of control, and his life just fell apart from there. Again.

He was a complete train wreck for years, but still managing to talk himself into well paid jobs and maintain a thin veneer of middle-class respectability, and hiding his secret life at nights and weekends. Recently he got married and appears to be making efforts to settle down, but I would be very surprised if he remained faithful.

For nearly 20 years he was practically famous as being the 'lad of all lads', rumours that he had slept with 1000 women, was the absolute life and soul of any party, was hilarious and charming, but the reality was that he was an absolute tragedy. He clearly has deep rooted mental issues and I wouldn't swap lives with him for anything.

Possibly some kind of sexual predator. absolute legend

FTFY

[anonymous-user]

STe_rsv4 said:

FTFY

Absolutely not. His behaviour crossed the line and he treated many girls very badly, and ended up in a complete mess himself. Some of his actions had long lasting impacts on the girls/women. It was nothing to be admired.

[Jcwjosh]

STe_rsv4 said:

FTFY

I think its pretty sad to be honest. When your younger its all fun and games being the lad.. When he's allegedly shagged 3 people then on the hunt at a kebab shop for the next drunk victim it gets a bit weird for me.

I imagine a lot of his escapades were far from consensual

[milfordkong]

As others have mentioned, it may be that your current partner for all the good you've mentioned just isn't the one for you. I had a very long term relationship before I met my wife, I cheated regularly, and wanted to cheat even more regularly than that... It eventually became obvious that whilst I really couldn't fault her as a partner, she just wasn't my person and I repeatedly disrespected her as a result - Something I feel a fair bit of guilt for now, not that she cares of course, she moved on long ago fortunately.

Once I met my wife and since we got together 12 years ago I have never felt even remotely inclined to cheat on her, of course I look at other women, I think anybody would be lying if they said they don't notice others they find attractive, even if they're in the most flawless relationship - but those moments are fleeting and both my wife and our relationship are brilliant, she just seems to give me something that my previous relationships didn't and I can't imagine actually wanting to be with anyone else now.

So it could be that you haven't found the right woman, or it could be that you're just not wired for monogamy - I do think that for all our desire as human beings to consider ourselves 'above' or 'more than' our relatives in the animal kingdom, the objective fact is that we are primates with big brains, and our evolution and progression as a species probably has plenty to do with the deep rooted biological/chemical need to spread our seed that civilised society is keen for us to suppress.

You also point out that you lust after women not as 'fit' as your girlfriend, I think this confuses a lot of people (you often hear amazement at celebrities cheating on their stunning wives with far less attractive people for example) but it's really missing the point of what is driving these desires, often I think it's as much about the need for the gratification that only being 'wanted' by someone else in that way can provide, as brief as that buzz is, it's a really powerful one. I know when I used to cheat it was far more about that feeling than how attractive I found the other woman.

Edited by milfordkong on Tuesday 7th June 15:45

[bucksmanuk]

Lord Marylebone said:

Stuff.....

I’ve known 3 men like that in my life. With all of them, the women knew damn well what they were playing with and were happy with the arrangement.

One ended up marrying a woman who is 2 years younger than his mother – hmmmm…. Apparently he has been a good boy ever since.

One - “Perfect Paul” - had a nervous breakdown after his brother died in his late 40’s and has become a genuinely tragic individual. Although his family are loaded so there isn’t as much pain as there would be for Joe Soap.

One is still hard at it in his early 50’s in the northwest, working his way through female hotel guests (he works in the sector) like a hot knife through butter. He comes across as almost a psychopath and gets genuinely angry and/or offended if a woman turns him down. Not many do though…

[Driver101]

Jcwjosh said:

STe_rsv4 said:

FTFY

I think its pretty sad to be honest. When your younger its all fun and games being the lad.. When he's allegedly shagged 3 people then on the hunt at a kebab shop for the next drunk victim it gets a bit weird for me.

I imagine a lot of his escapades were far from consensual

When you're reduced to lying, deceiving and hitting on drunk people it has gone way too far. It's something a lot of men really struggle with.

A drunk female in a town centre is a vulnerable person that too many men wil try to exploit.

[Mallard126]

OP I've only seen one other reference to it in the thread (from R56Cooper IIRC) but the ideal solution for you could be getting into the swinging lifestyle. You and your fine lady both get to have lots of fun then go home together. Some people would get possessive or jealous but to others sex is just another fun thing that you do and isn't necessarily exclusive. Cuddles on the sofa are much more intimate IMHO.

[anonymous-user]

bucksmanuk said:

Lord Marylebone said:

Stuff.....

I’ve known 3 men like that in my life. With all of them, the women knew damn well what they were playing with and were happy with the arrangement.

One ended up marrying a woman who is 2 years younger than his mother – hmmmm…. Apparently he has been a good boy ever since.

One - “Perfect Paul” - had a nervous breakdown after his brother died in his late 40’s and has become a genuinely tragic individual. Although his family are loaded so there isn’t as much pain as there would be for Joe Soap.

One is still hard at it in his early 50’s in the northwest, working his way through female hotel guests (he works in the sector) like a hot knife through butter. He comes across as almost a psychopath and gets genuinely angry and/or offended if a woman turns him down. Not many do though…

I think suggesting that women knew 'damn well what they were playing with' is grossly incorrect and extremely disingenuous. Yes, some of them, perhaps most of them, will have known that he was a slippery and untrustworthy Lothario and gone with it anyway, but I have seen first hand the terrible fallout from those who genuinely thought he was a nice guy and were totally duped by him, and taken in by his lies and his promises. It wasn't nice.

Some of these girls genuinely believed they were in a loving and monogamous relationship, whilst he was lying to them and sleeping with anything that moved whilst they weren't looking. Trust me on this, but they weren't 'happy with the arrangement' and to suggest they were incredibly upset when they discovered who he really was, is an understatement.

Anyway, thats all I'm going to say on the matter as we may be approaching 'name and shame' territory if anyone reading worked out who the chap in question is.

[otolith]

Mallard126 said:

OP I've only seen one other reference to it in the thread (from R56Cooper IIRC) but the ideal solution for you could be getting into the swinging lifestyle. You and your fine lady both get to have lots of fun then go home together. Some people would get possessive or jealous but to others sex is just another fun thing that you do and isn't necessarily exclusive. Cuddles on the sofa are much more intimate IMHO.