You know you're an idiot when...

[cheesejunkie]

NDA said:

underwhelmist said:

Get dishwasher tablet from cupboard under kitchen sink. Unwrap tablet. Open bin adjacent to dishwasher. Throw tablet in bin.

Every. Bloody. Time.

I poured some milk into the bin recently when making a coffee.

Mixing the three bins up is certainly something I find doable. But that's impressive. My coffee mistakes are small and limited to aggressively looking at anyone who dares to suggest I've made a mistake.

[NDA]

cheesejunkie said:

NDA said:

underwhelmist said:

Get dishwasher tablet from cupboard under kitchen sink. Unwrap tablet. Open bin adjacent to dishwasher. Throw tablet in bin.

Every. Bloody. Time.

I poured some milk into the bin recently when making a coffee.

Mixing the three bins up is certainly something I find doable. But that's impressive. My coffee mistakes are small and limited to aggressively looking at anyone who dares to suggest I've made a mistake.

I have one bin in the kitchen (where the milk went).

It was an odd moment. Amusing and worrying in equal measure. It felt like the start of something that ends in a care home for the feeble.

[Turtle Shed]

Bought some shoes that I already owned.

[NDA]

Turtle Shed said:

Bought some shoes that I already owned.

Why were you selling them?

[P5BNij]

A few years ago I arrived at Basford Hall Yard in Crewe to work an engineering train back south, the shunter there said ''it's on number ten road, all ready to go mate'' so I set off with a fresh brew thinking all was right with the world until the signalman at Rugby put me into the goods loop there. I got on the blower to be told I'd taken the wrong train, mystified, I looked at the paperwork again and found the four digit headcode (the train's individual identifying number) was one digit out and was booked to go to Northampton, whereas 'my' train was stood waiting at Crewe and destined for Kilsby tunnel, on the other southbound route from Rugby. I had to wait for another driver to bring my train down to Rugby where we swapped cabs and ended up in the right place four hours late.

[Punctilio]

Continuing the railway theme as a newbie signaller turning
my signals red when I noticed the approaching 125 had,
what I thought was smoke coming from underneath one of
the carraiges, it wasn't smoke but the toilet flushing onto the line.

Oooops


I was quite impressed, it stopped in about 800 yds, the driver
wasn't impressed though when he phoned me, he was from
Brum, so I only got 1 in 5 of the swear words.

[Randy Winkman]

NDA said:

Turtle Shed said:

Bought some shoes that I already owned.

Why were you selling them?

Did Turtle Shed buy some shoes from himself on Ebay?

[civicduty]

https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...

[Blib]

civicduty said:

https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...

He's not been around for ages. Anyone know what's what?

[Gretchen]

Error code on washing machine upset me. Googled to no avail. Unplugged machine from mains and left for 24 hours with no change. Two sleepless nights. Looked at buying new washing machine. Dawning realisation at 4am this morning that H05 means I’ve set the delayed start timer.

[slopes]

Gretchen said:

Error code on washing machine upset me. Googled to no avail. Unplugged machine from mains and left for 24 hours with no change. Two sleepless nights. Looked at buying new washing machine. Dawning realisation at 4am this morning that H05 means I’ve set the delayed start timer.

The misses bought our dog a large stuffed hedgehog toy, which just so happens to be the same colour and size as the dog.
T'other day she got up and started yelling at the dog to move out of her way for 20 seconds until she realised what she was doing

[marksx]

gazza285 said:

gifdy said:

Gary29 said:

Driving two hours to a mountain bike trail centre with all of your gear in the back of the car, unload bike and then realise you've left the thru-axles at home and you've no means of actually attaching the wheels to said bike.

I've done something similar. Early start to drive down South for a bike Sportive. I took the front wheel off, lent it against the garage door while I put my bike in the back of the car. When I got there, parked up & registered, I went back to my car to get my bike out and prepped. You can guess what I left at home. Unfortunately I can't pull a wheelie for 100K so couldn't do the ride.

Drove from Huddersfield to Kielder Forest for a Duathlon, went up the night before for a nice pub meal and plenty kip beforehand. Gets to the B’n’B and realised I’d left my kit bag in the van instead of the car. Six hours later I’m back at the digs, the pub is shut and I’m preparing a Pot Noodle.

I'd been with the wife for a while and missed riding so decided one day to chuck the bike in the car, go up to Storthes hall, about half from me. Full of excitement for some downhill unpacked the bike only to realise I'd left my hex keys at home.

Never rode again.

[DickyC]

when you say, "Afternoon," to a cardboard cutout of a sales assistant in PC World. In my defence, he was a full-size cutout photograph. And he was smiling. Just flat. And unresponsive.

[LunarOne]

When you're in a remote wooded area about eighty miles from home. You have a 12-gauge shotgun in the crook of one arm, 100 cartridges in a bag over the other shoulder, and you've just realised that you shut the boot and your car key is locked inside.

You can't get a taxi home with a shotgun in hand, and you can't leave the gun behind because it has to be on your person when not securely locked away. And in any case, your house keys are in the car. And there's nobody home who can bring you your spare car keys.

I was faced with the options of either breaking into my car boot with only a shotgun as a tool (there's no access from the passenger cabin) or trying to find someone willing to give a very long lift to a person holding a gun. I eventually found a farmer who would not be shocked at the sight of a gun and persuaded him to give me a lift to a friend's house which was about half way home. Then waited for friend to return home, to get me the rest of the way. By which time a family member had returned home to let me in. Then I had to take two trains to get back in the general direction of my car, and then take a taxi to get back to my car. Followed by an 80-mile drive home.

Never have I felt more of an idiot. I was sorely tempted to shoot the boot lock of my nearly new BMW. Fark!!

[cheesejunkie]

LunarOne said:

When you're in a remote wooded area about eighty miles from home. You have a 12-gauge shotgun in the crook of one arm, 100 cartridges in a bag over the other shoulder, and you've just realised that you shut the boot and your car key is locked inside.

You can't get a taxi home with a shotgun in hand, and you can't leave the gun behind because it has to be on your person when not securely locked away. And in any case, your house keys are in the car. And there's nobody home who can bring you your spare car keys.

I was faced with the options of either breaking into my car boot with only a shotgun as a tool (there's no access from the passenger cabin) or trying to find someone willing to give a very long lift to a person holding a gun. I eventually found a farmer who would not be shocked at the sight of a gun and persuaded him to give me a lift to a friend's house which was about half way home. Then waited for friend to return home, to get me the rest of the way. By which time a family member had returned home to let me in. Then I had to take two trains to get back in the general direction of my car, and then take a taxi to get back to my car. Followed by an 80-mile drive home.

Never have I felt more of an idiot. I was sorely tempted to shoot the boot lock of my nearly new BMW. Fark!!

Could have offered to rob a local bank and got a faster lift in a flashing blue light taxi? Except they're all shutting down their branches

More seriously I enjoyed reading that. I'd have known how to break into your car but not without doing some damage. Come up to me with a shotgun and I'd probably be over the hill running away before you'd the chance to explain you're only after a lift.

[Tycho]

DickyC said:

when you say, "Afternoon," to a cardboard cutout of a sales assistant in PC World. In my defence, he was a full-size cutout photograph. And he was smiling. Just flat. And unresponsive.

Probably more use than the real assistants though and it won't try and sell you a £50 warranty on a £20 toaster.

[cheesejunkie]

DickyC said:

when you say, "Afternoon," to a cardboard cutout of a sales assistant in PC World. In my defence, he was a full-size cutout photograph. And he was smiling. Just flat. And unresponsive.

Have said "excuse me" after bumping into one. But I'm a big believer in being polite first and evaluating later.

I feel more of an idiot when I've been polite to an obviously rude person and later have many notions of what I'd rather have said to them.

The cardboard cutouts aren't so bad.

[Second Best]

On the note of life-sized not real people, I'm just about to check in with some work. It's nearly half 5 so you can imagine my state of awareness - which will make sense for the anecdote below.

A few years ago when I worked in a (large) office we had automatic doors put in. The doors had windows so we could see if we were going to open the doors on anybody who was standing next to it (sadly everybody was smart enough to get away so this wasn't a source of amusement).

However, the auto doors also came with a slight sheen on the window glass. It was intended so that you could see if someone was behind the door, but not peer into the office for privacy reasons.

The sheen also reflected quite well, particularly in the summer when the sun was behind you. Well, one early morning (around half past 5), we'd all got in early for something or other and I was typically tired. Booped my pass and waited for the doors to open, and caught sight of someone next to the door.

In no mood to converse, I kept my head down and mumbled "gmmorrning" and wandered down the corridor to my desk. It was only as I got to my desk I thought to look back - there was nobody there. I'd said good morning to myself. The refreshments were right next to the door and a few colleagues had seen me walk in, say good morning to my reflection, and then shuffle down to my desk. Unsurprisingly, I got a bit of stick for that.

[slopes]

This one happens ...every...single...time... i go to the petrol station.
Allow me to explain - we have two cars, a Kia Sportage and a Mazda 3.
Kia is entirely normal, you push the petrol flap and it springs open, the Mazda has a release inside the cabin.
The wife normally drives the Kia to work and i use the Mazda, today was fill the Mazda day and so i went in to the petrol station across from work, pull up to the empty pump, jump out and push the flap.

Every

Single

Time

What a plum!

[hammo19]

On the theme of the sidecar earlier, I have twice forgotten to put my foot down when coming to a halt on my motorbike and wondered why I was on the road with the bike on top of me.

You do get some strange looks from other road users.