Phrases that you enjoy the most

[p4cks]

When trying to move someone along at work... "off you fk"

[Baldchap]

"Sounds like a problem for future Baldchap, and what has he ever done for me? Nothing!"

Also like the phrase "Shaking like a stting dog"

[Piersman2]

On a staff review...

"...fails to meet even his own abysmally low set standards."

[sam303]

"What he lacks in intelligence, he makes up for in stupidity"

[Ganglandboss]

lord trumpton said:

As an apprentice engineer many years ago I was put with an old boy who often told me that he'd 'forgotten more than I'll ever know'

When I was an apprentice electrician in a university estates department, there was a fairly young spark called Colin. He was a bit of a geek in appearance and behaviour, but was nowhere near as intelligent as he liked to think he was. We used to call him 'T.C.', and we let him believe it stood for 'Top Cat', but it really stood for 'Thick C**t'.

We had an old bloke, who became our shop steward, who was known as 'Smack 'em', because that was his answer to any dispute (I think most blue collar workplaces have had a 'Smack 'em', or 'Bash 'em', or 'Thump 'em' as a union rep).

Smack 'em had applied for a team leader's position, and was rejected in favour of T.C. Smack 'em was not impressed, and was venting off to a group of us...

"I taught Colin everything he knows! He knows f**k-all!"

[Teppic]

“I saw some bread in the supermarket that was named after you, but when I looked a little closer I realised it actually said “Thick Cut”.”

[TwigtheWonderkid]

Heard whilst playing low level football:

He may be fat, but he's slow.

Also, about a goalkeeper:

They call him the cat, because he gives the back 4 kittens.

[Deranged Rover]

Pixelpeep Electric said:

Or BOB-FOC for short

An old favourite! For me the only one that beats it is -

TENFOLD: Tits Extremely Nice; Face Of Les Dawson

[cherryowen]

I just remembered a post from a PH'er on the now deleted Diane Abbott thread in NP&E:-

She'd be out of her depth on a freshly mopped floor

[peter tdci]

cherryowen said:

I just remembered a post from a PH'er on the now deleted Diane Abbott thread in NP&E:-

She'd be out of her depth on a freshly mopped floor

Also applies to Braverman, Dorries, Rees-Mogg (his, not her), 30p (ditto), Truss, etc...

[Cupid-stunt]

some useless s that I worked with were renamed 'oxygen stealers'
I

[Turbotechnic]

When someone is out of their depth “They know fk all about fk all”

[Fusion777]

Being as we’re focusing on the topic of work (or lack of it), I always like a nickname for the former NCB-

“No bothers”

[NumBMW]

Niponeoff said:

You've got three 'opes.
Bob 'ope
Envelope
And no fookin 'ope

Disclaimer: no trolling intended or implied, apologies if my sense of humour offends.

Reminds me of a time couple of mates were bantering and got this slightly wrong.

Simon
-“Well you’ve got 2 chances of that happening, Mike”

Mike, a few seconds later
- “Who’s Bob Chance”?

[NumBMW]

When looking at a wiring job, with multiple add-ons, spurs, and s-plan heating controls chucked in for good measure

“It’s like a snake’s wedding in here”!

[snuffy]

StevieBee said:

Deranged Rover said:

When describing a 'fuller-figured' lady - "Expecting a tough winter"

'Double-Chalker' I quite liked - in recognition of the need for a SOCO officer to use two sticks of chalk to the mark the outline of where they fell!

Shade in the summer, warmth in the winter.

[snuffy]

You have 2 hopes of that, Bob Hope and no hope. And Bob's outta town.


You have more chance of pissing in the Queen's handbag.

[snuffy]

That has nothing to do with nothing.

[TwigtheWonderkid]

Turbotechnic said:

When someone is out of their depth “They know fk all about fk all”

Isn't that a double negative. reads as if they know lots about lots.

[Ambleton]

Anything that comes from Malcolm Tucker usually puts a smile on my face.

When talking about a seized nut/bolt and you crack out the torch - "can't be seized if it's a liquid"