How long do you want to live?

[csd19]

lord trumpton said:

csd19 said:

lord trumpton said:

csd19 said:

MDUBZ said:

There are a few studies into happiness and how it is impacted by age. For those of us in our 40s we are probably at out most unhappiest life stage which might have an impact on our outlook. Writing my previous post has made me assess that I need to make some lifestyle changes so I look after myself now so I can enjoy tomorrow(s).

https://cordis.europa.eu/article/id/446730-at-what...

Diary of a ceo
https://youtu.be/0DZK1nawEXQ?si=RGoNsQ7Kp79lXJCC

Edited by MDUBZ on Monday 8th April 08:07

I'd agree. I'm earning more at this stage in life than I thought I ever would, I've got my own place, a few cars to play with and time to do whatever I want.

On paper it sounds great, but it's not feeling quite like that right now. Life is pretty empty tbh.

Might look into volunteering or something when I get home from this trip, I feel I need to meet new people.

Are you married/have children?

No, I'm divorced, no children, no girlfriend, haven't got anybody.

Yes there's my parents still around and other relatives, but it's not the same.

I'm sorry to hear that you don't have anybody in your life at the moment. It must get lonely sometimes.

Can you use this moment to maybe draw a line in the sand, make a decision to perhpas join the dating scene and have some fun meeting other people?

A good friend of mine had a similar story to tell - plenty of disposable income, freedom,house, spicy car etc but nobody to really share moments with

He met a lovely woman through OLD and 10 months in he's feeling content.

Give it a try - nothing to lose and all to gain

It's horrendously lonely at times, I've realised putting on the brave face of "single life rules!" has eventually worn thin.

I'm licking my wounds a bit at the moment, was getting close to a good friend before I said something that insulted her, she's barely spoken to me in a month now. I've also realised I am quite self-destructive when it comes to relationships.

I'd love to have the confidence to be out dating but this recent cockup has knocked me quite badly, hence why I was thinking of a volunteering sort of thing or local social club first to get me meeting new people. Either that or some counselling to work out what causes me to ruin all the good things in my life.

Once I get past that then OLD may be the way forward with a bit of luck.

[lord trumpton]

csd19 said:

lord trumpton said:

csd19 said:

lord trumpton said:

csd19 said:

MDUBZ said:

There are a few studies into happiness and how it is impacted by age. For those of us in our 40s we are probably at out most unhappiest life stage which might have an impact on our outlook. Writing my previous post has made me assess that I need to make some lifestyle changes so I look after myself now so I can enjoy tomorrow(s).

https://cordis.europa.eu/article/id/446730-at-what...

Diary of a ceo
https://youtu.be/0DZK1nawEXQ?si=RGoNsQ7Kp79lXJCC

Edited by MDUBZ on Monday 8th April 08:07

I'd agree. I'm earning more at this stage in life than I thought I ever would, I've got my own place, a few cars to play with and time to do whatever I want.

On paper it sounds great, but it's not feeling quite like that right now. Life is pretty empty tbh.

Might look into volunteering or something when I get home from this trip, I feel I need to meet new people.

Are you married/have children?

No, I'm divorced, no children, no girlfriend, haven't got anybody.

Yes there's my parents still around and other relatives, but it's not the same.

I'm sorry to hear that you don't have anybody in your life at the moment. It must get lonely sometimes.

Can you use this moment to maybe draw a line in the sand, make a decision to perhpas join the dating scene and have some fun meeting other people?

A good friend of mine had a similar story to tell - plenty of disposable income, freedom,house, spicy car etc but nobody to really share moments with

He met a lovely woman through OLD and 10 months in he's feeling content.

Give it a try - nothing to lose and all to gain

It's horrendously lonely at times, I've realised putting on the brave face of "single life rules!" has eventually worn thin.

I'm licking my wounds a bit at the moment, was getting close to a good friend before I said something that insulted her, she's barely spoken to me in a month now. I've also realised I am quite self-destructive when it comes to relationships.

I'd love to have the confidence to be out dating but this recent cockup has knocked me quite badly, hence why I was thinking of a volunteering sort of thing or local social club first to get me meeting new people. Either that or some counselling to work out what causes me to ruin all the good things in my life.

Once I get past that then OLD may be the way forward with a bit of luck.

I reckon you're over thinking it and perhaps lacking a bit of self confidence

Just sign up and get cracking, time passes so quickly as we age.

Log off PH and join up!

Cmon, get stuck in and stop moping

[Downward]

Skeptisk said:

Downward said:

Parents are 84 and 82,
They live in a house with really steep stairs, The toilet is downstairs, Wonder if it’s worth a chat about moving a bed to the spade front room ?
They will probably whinge about losing the dining room but surely a bed downstairs is better for them ?

Possibly the opposite. Having to go up and down the stairs is giving them exercise and May help them stay fit

Nah they are always out and about somewhere

[Downward]

GT3Manthey said:

A few of the above posts are worrying guys

Wonder if like me they feel they are only around because folks depend on them ?

[Cotty]

csd19 said:

It's horrendously lonely at times, I've realised putting on the brave face of "single life rules!" has eventually worn thin.

I'm licking my wounds a bit at the moment, was getting close to a good friend before I said something that insulted her, she's barely spoken to me in a month now. I've also realised I am quite self-destructive when it comes to relationships.

I'd love to have the confidence to be out dating but this recent cockup has knocked me quite badly, hence why I was thinking of a volunteering sort of thing or local social club first to get me meeting new people. Either that or some counselling to work out what causes me to ruin all the good things in my life.

Once I get past that then OLD may be the way forward with a bit of luck.

Instead of dating how about just getting out and meeting new people and maybe making new friends. I discovered https://www.meetup.com a while back. Search for your area and find out if there is a group who are interested in the things you like or just go with the flow. You can join more than one group.

One group I am with are walking the London Loop 150miles (broken down into manageable sections) round London and are going to Horizon 22 in London shortly, plus other events around London.

[AstonZagato]

Rough101 said:

I’d be quite happy not to wake up after my next sleep.

Export56 said:

I would say somewhere between 75 and 80, although if I went today, I wouldn't be overly bothered, unfortunately the impact on my wife and adult children isn't something I would like to put on them at this stage.

Having had a cancer diagnosis recently, one is forced to face one’s mortality.

I found myself relatively content with what I’d accomplished in life.

I’d married the love of my life. I’d fathered three wonderful children. I own a beautiful home for them to live in. I’d travelled the world. I’d achieved minor but still significant sporting success. I’ve owned some great cars (this is PH after all). I’d earned more money than I ever thought possible. The experiences I’ve had have exceeded my wildest dreams.

I concluded that, were this the end, then I could go now, quite content with a life well lived. The prospect of death did not particularly bother me.

However, the impact on my wife and adult children would not be something I’d wish to inflict, so I’m fighting it hard for them rather than for me.

[lord trumpton]

Cotty said:

csd19 said:

It's horrendously lonely at times, I've realised putting on the brave face of "single life rules!" has eventually worn thin.

I'm licking my wounds a bit at the moment, was getting close to a good friend before I said something that insulted her, she's barely spoken to me in a month now. I've also realised I am quite self-destructive when it comes to relationships.

I'd love to have the confidence to be out dating but this recent cockup has knocked me quite badly, hence why I was thinking of a volunteering sort of thing or local social club first to get me meeting new people. Either that or some counselling to work out what causes me to ruin all the good things in my life.

Once I get past that then OLD may be the way forward with a bit of luck.

Instead of dating how about just getting out and meeting new people and maybe making new friends. I discovered https://www.meetup.com a while back. Search for your area and find out if there is a group who are interested in the things you like or just go with the flow. You can join more than one group.

One group I am with are walking the London Loop 150miles (broken down into manageable sections) round London and are going to Horizon 22 in London shortly, plus other events around London.

That meetup looks quite good - like you say, less intense that the OLD

[csd19]

lord trumpton said:

Cotty said:

csd19 said:

It's horrendously lonely at times, I've realised putting on the brave face of "single life rules!" has eventually worn thin.

I'm licking my wounds a bit at the moment, was getting close to a good friend before I said something that insulted her, she's barely spoken to me in a month now. I've also realised I am quite self-destructive when it comes to relationships.

I'd love to have the confidence to be out dating but this recent cockup has knocked me quite badly, hence why I was thinking of a volunteering sort of thing or local social club first to get me meeting new people. Either that or some counselling to work out what causes me to ruin all the good things in my life.

Once I get past that then OLD may be the way forward with a bit of luck.

Instead of dating how about just getting out and meeting new people and maybe making new friends. I discovered https://www.meetup.com a while back. Search for your area and find out if there is a group who are interested in the things you like or just go with the flow. You can join more than one group.

One group I am with are walking the London Loop 150miles (broken down into manageable sections) round London and are going to Horizon 22 in London shortly, plus other events around London.

That meetup looks quite good - like you say, less intense that the OLD

Had a look at meetup after your suggestion, not a lot of groups in general in my area at the moment. Pretty much need to travel about 50 miles for a meeting! But I'll keep checking back on it.

[P-Jay]

I'd quite like to live forever, but quality of life is probably more important. I've known very old people in their 60s and younger people in their 80s, figuratively of course.

I'm 46, my Son is 18 and my daughter is 9. I really want to have Grandkids and be fit and active enough to be part of their lives. There's an older Lad who takes his granddaughter to the same school at my daughter every day, I'd love to do that. Eldest is gay and not very paternal, so I've got a long while to go yet.

Jader1973 said:

I’m reading “Rambling Man” by Billy Connolly at the moment.

In one bit he makes a good point: people will say that if you don’t do something (e.g. smoking / bad diet) you’ll live longer, but you don’t get the extra time when you’re 30 and can enjoy it, you get it when you’re too old to do any thing with it.

That's not exactly true though is it? You can smoke 40 a day, drink every night and eat nothing but junk food if you want. Yes you'll likely live through your 30s, but you'll be a wreck in your 40s and 50s and die in your 60s. Or you can take a bit more care of yourself and enjoy your middle-age a lot more and old age is fit and supple enough to do pretty much whatever you want.

[Cotty]

csd19 said:

Had a look at meetup after your suggestion, not a lot of groups in general in my area at the moment. Pretty much need to travel about 50 miles for a meeting! But I'll keep checking back on it.

If you think there may be interest in your area you could create your own group. Rather than make it too specific you could make a social group and people can dip in and out depending on the event. Pub meet/quiz, walks, cinema, theater, museum, sporting event, local fete, beer or food festival etc
It costs money to create your own group but some people charge attendees a minimal amount of £2-£3 per event to cover the costs.

[Bluevanman]

Cotty said:

If you think there may be interest in your area you could create your own group. Rather than make it too specific you could make a social group and people can dip in and out depending on the event. Pub meet/quiz, walks, cinema, theater, museum, sporting event, local fete, beer or food festival etc
It costs money to create your own group but some people charge attendees a minimal amount of £2-£3 per event to cover the costs.

My local Meetup group has been going many years,think I signed up about 15 years ago.Only went to meets when I was between relationships.Since covid the group has become less and less active,to the point now where it's about to close permanently.
If you live in a big city they can keep you busy every night/day of the week if you want

[GT3Manthey]

AstonZagato said:

Having had a cancer diagnosis recently, one is forced to face one’s mortality.

I found myself relatively content with what I’d accomplished in life.

I’d married the love of my life. I’d fathered three wonderful children. I own a beautiful home for them to live in. I’d travelled the world. I’d achieved minor but still significant sporting success. I’ve owned some great cars (this is PH after all). I’d earned more money than I ever thought possible. The experiences I’ve had have exceeded my wildest dreams.

I concluded that, were this the end, then I could go now, quite content with a life well lived. The prospect of death did not particularly bother me.

However, the impact on my wife and adult children would not be something I’d wish to inflict, so I’m fighting it hard for them rather than for me.

I sort of think the same in that if I went tomorrow I've provided all I could for my wife and kids and they are in a good place if i were no longer around.

Good luck to you and all the best in what you are dealing with

[Damp Logs]

I’m sure it’s been said before, but a good friend once said

“It’s not how many years you have left, but how many good ones”

I’m feeling that it’s an uphill battle as I near 70, but having recently got back into cycling, it’s a climb I’m enjoying …..

[oddball1313]

I’ve not got an age to live to but conversely i’m wishing the next 5-10 years to pass as fast as possible so i can retire and get on with living and massively reduce the stress and misery of having to deal with people/customers who i increasingly loathe a bit more every day that passes. Once I walk away from work and have the luxury to only interact with people I like i’ll feel happier and probably want to live as long as possible - at the moment although not depressed i sometimes think that getting hit by the number 22 bus will at least mean i can get some peace and quiet and not have to deal with a endless line of clueless wkers.

[GT3Manthey]

oddball1313 said:

I’ve not got an age to live to but conversely i’m wishing the next 5-10 years to pass as fast as possible so i can retire and get on with living and massively reduce the stress and misery of having to deal with people/customers who i increasingly loathe a bit more every day that passes. Once I walk away from work and have the luxury to only interact with people I like i’ll feel happier and probably want to live as long as possible - at the moment although not depressed i sometimes think that getting hit by the number 22 bus will at least mean i can get some peace and quiet and not have to deal with a endless line of clueless wkers.

I feel your pain !

I was all set to retire last year then the goalposts got moved so for now I soldier on .

Hopefully not for that much longer but let's see .

[Chubbyross]

AW111 said:

I can't be arsed speculating- I'll die when I die.

Regarding dementia etc. - it's tragic from the outside, when they don't remember you etc. But is it tragic to the patient if they are not distressed by it?

Ditto the sitting watching TV - if they are happy, is it a tragedy?

My dad had dementia for 9 years before he died. It was agonising for all concerned. When it first really started to be noticeable he was very aware something was going on. He would get extremely confused, tearful or agressive (he had always been such a gentle person). Whether he was truly aware of his mind going was never clear, though. In the the last few years he was in a specialist dementia hospital with zero awareness of who we were or who he was. It was utterly horrible. If I hadn't feared a murder charge I would have put a pillow over his head and ended the nightmare for everyone.

I would be horrified to end up like him. The difficulty is, though, that dementia tends to be noticed by others before you recognise it yourself; by which time it's too late for you to be signed off by Dignitas as of sound mind and body. I hope a massive stroke gets me in my sleep. It doesn't matter when as you'd be blissfully unaware. To be honest, the world is in such a depressing situation now I think I'm ready at any time.

[mcelliott]

As long as I can keep doing what I’m doing, 52 and in the best shape of my life, so health span is far more important than life span, my mum is 90 and never misses a day to sea swim and is strong as an ox so hopefully some of the genes has been passed on.

[Earthdweller]

AstonZagato said:

Having had a cancer diagnosis recently, one is forced to face one’s mortality.

I found myself relatively content with what I’d accomplished in life.

I’d married the love of my life. I’d fathered three wonderful children. I own a beautiful home for them to live in. I’d travelled the world. I’d achieved minor but still significant sporting success. I’ve owned some great cars (this is PH after all). I’d earned more money than I ever thought possible. The experiences I’ve had have exceeded my wildest dreams.

I concluded that, were this the end, then I could go now, quite content with a life well lived. The prospect of death did not particularly bother me.

However, the impact on my wife and adult children would not be something I’d wish to inflict, so I’m fighting it hard for them rather than for me.

I totally get that

I’m in.a similarly position

Fit, healthy and full of plans at 56, enjoying life. My Dad died after a short illness at 89 and was mentally and physically fit until the end .. my mum is still going strong at 87 although sadly with mild dementia now

Then completely out of the blue a stage 4 cancer diagnosis for me

I’m 57 now approaching 58 and fighting it but realistically I’ve accepted my time line is going to be much shorter than my parents ones

My wife and teenage son will be ok financially if I go but I can’t say I really want too, but the chances of me being here for my 60th are quite small

But that’s life, we have zero idea what it’s going to throw at us and we just have to make the most of it as/when we can

[CanAm]

Earthdweller said:

AstonZagato said:

Having had a cancer diagnosis recently, one is forced to face one’s mortality.

I found myself relatively content with what I’d accomplished in life.

I’d married the love of my life. I’d fathered three wonderful children. I own a beautiful home for them to live in. I’d travelled the world. I’d achieved minor but still significant sporting success. I’ve owned some great cars (this is PH after all). I’d earned more money than I ever thought possible. The experiences I’ve had have exceeded my wildest dreams.

I concluded that, were this the end, then I could go now, quite content with a life well lived. The prospect of death did not particularly bother me.

However, the impact on my wife and adult children would not be something I’d wish to inflict, so I’m fighting it hard for them rather than for me.

I totally get that

I’m in.a similarly position

Fit, healthy and full of plans at 56, enjoying life. My Dad died after a short illness at 89 and was mentally and physically fit until the end .. my mum is still going strong at 87 although sadly with mild dementia now

Then completely out of the blue a stage 4 cancer diagnosis for me

I’m 57 now approaching 58 and fighting it but realistically I’ve accepted my time line is going to be much shorter than my parents ones

My wife and teenage son will be ok financially if I go but I can’t say I really want too, but the chances of me being here for my 60th are quite small

But that’s life, we have zero idea what it’s going to throw at us and we just have to make the most of it as/when we can

What the hell can you say after posts like those? Our petty little problems pale into insignificance.

I'm sure the thoughts of all of us on PH are with you both, and your families.

[E3134]

Earthdweller said:

AstonZagato said:

Having had a cancer diagnosis recently, one is forced to face one’s mortality.

I found myself relatively content with what I’d accomplished in life.

I’d married the love of my life. I’d fathered three wonderful children. I own a beautiful home for them to live in. I’d travelled the world. I’d achieved minor but still significant sporting success. I’ve owned some great cars (this is PH after all). I’d earned more money than I ever thought possible. The experiences I’ve had have exceeded my wildest dreams.

I concluded that, were this the end, then I could go now, quite content with a life well lived. The prospect of death did not particularly bother me.

However, the impact on my wife and adult children would not be something I’d wish to inflict, so I’m fighting it hard for them rather than for me.

I totally get that

I’m in.a similarly position

Fit, healthy and full of plans at 56, enjoying life. My Dad died after a short illness at 89 and was mentally and physically fit until the end .. my mum is still going strong at 87 although sadly with mild dementia now

Then completely out of the blue a stage 4 cancer diagnosis for me

I’m 57 now approaching 58 and fighting it but realistically I’ve accepted my time line is going to be much shorter than my parents ones

My wife and teenage son will be ok financially if I go but I can’t say I really want too, but the chances of me being here for my 60th are quite small

But that’s life, we have zero idea what it’s going to throw at us and we just have to make the most of it as/when we can

Similar situation but without any dependants, no one to take over my house and everything else, although no financial issues I cannot say I have a good quality of life.

I can understand people who would be looking for a pill to take before the final sleep.