Cracking retorts...
Discussion
Finally got to use one of my favourites yesterday....
A Friend said to me they were looking for sympathy.
I told them they can find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary!!
They were completely gobsmacked for a few seconds not knowing what to do before tha laughter started....
Anyone else got any good ones??
A Friend said to me they were looking for sympathy.
I told them they can find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary!!
They were completely gobsmacked for a few seconds not knowing what to do before tha laughter started....
Anyone else got any good ones??
dick dastardly said:
Churchill had some great ones.
Lady Nancy Astor: Winston, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea.
Churchill: Nancy, if I were your husband, I'd drink it.
Bessie Braddock: Sir, you are drunk.
Churchill: And you, madam, are ugly. But in the morning I shall be sober.
Lady Nancy Astor: Winston, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea.
Churchill: Nancy, if I were your husband, I'd drink it.
Bessie Braddock: Sir, you are drunk.
Churchill: And you, madam, are ugly. But in the morning I shall be sober.
Once, when Churchill was sleeping on a train, a woman came in and noticed his fly was open. She said "Mr, your penis is sticking out!". Churchill awoke, and answered: "Madam, don't flatter yourself. It is merely hanging out."
minimax said:
'Your Mum'
...it's the big cahuna, the gun that only comes out when all other witty retorts have been exhausted
...it's the big cahuna, the gun that only comes out when all other witty retorts have been exhausted
Abso-lutely. It's the be all and end all of retorts. To be honest it's said in jest amongst my group of friends and the only way of out-trouncing is a "your dad"...throws 'em every time!!!
Anyway, to the "you confuse me with someone who gives a toss" brigade, I'm sorry but that is just above the playground level of "I know you are but what am I" *
*from the man who just said "your mum" is a cool comeback
TonyHetherington said:
[
Anyway, to the "you confuse me with someone who gives a toss" brigade, I'm sorry but that is just above the playground level of "I know you are but what am I" *
Anyway, to the "you confuse me with someone who gives a toss" brigade, I'm sorry but that is just above the playground level of "I know you are but what am I" *
But it really is the only come back when someone is wittering on for what seems like hours about how amazing it is to get totally foooked on drugs every night and how its so cool that he has his own set of scales blah blah blah blah blah ad infinitum. (I will be using a different come back next year as this one is wearing thin)
littlegreenfairy said:
TonyHetherington said:
[
Anyway, to the "you confuse me with someone who gives a toss" brigade, I'm sorry but that is just above the playground level of "I know you are but what am I" *
Anyway, to the "you confuse me with someone who gives a toss" brigade, I'm sorry but that is just above the playground level of "I know you are but what am I" *
But it really is the only come back when someone is wittering on for what seems like hours about how amazing it is to get totally foooked on drugs every night and how its so cool that he has his own set of scales blah blah blah blah blah ad infinitum. (I will be using a different come back next year as this one is wearing thin)
We can vary it with Plotloss's one above (although that does have a financial implication )
ProPlus said:
Finally got to use one of my favourites yesterday....
A Friend said to me they were looking for sympathy.
I told them they can find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary!!
They were completely gobsmacked for a few seconds not knowing what to do before tha laughter started....
Anyone else got any good ones??
A Friend said to me they were looking for sympathy.
I told them they can find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary!!
They were completely gobsmacked for a few seconds not knowing what to do before tha laughter started....
Anyone else got any good ones??
Yes, the retort is supposed to go "you can find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary, and it's about as much use to you"
minimax said:
'Your Mum'
...it's the big cahuna, the gun that only comes out when all other witty retorts have been exhausted
...it's the big cahuna, the gun that only comes out when all other witty retorts have been exhausted
We have a variant round here "your brother", only to be used in arguing with one of our mates who's brother is gay. It's a modern twist on an old classic. The opportunity to use it doesn't arrive often so if you can pull it off it's devastating.
LGF - I saw on Green Wing (the hospital comedy series on channel 4) the most PERFECT sentence for you to say to that guy....
...when he's chattering on about being all cool-on-coke, say to him "oh actually, hang on, can I just stop you there a sec..." (as though you're just about to add to the stimulating debate)....
.....and get up and walk off. Genius
...when he's chattering on about being all cool-on-coke, say to him "oh actually, hang on, can I just stop you there a sec..." (as though you're just about to add to the stimulating debate)....
.....and get up and walk off. Genius
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