Cracking retorts...
Discussion
In light of some posters cynicism as to whether some of these retorts are true;
Colleague of mine is talking large volumes of horse sh*t. I pay lip service until I break... "Mate, you're having me on..."
The (serious and straight faced) retort;
"No! You're... You... You're having ME on!!!!"
Genius.
(This was all very good natured, ill add. We'd been working together long enough to not have to pretend what the other person was saying was of any worth, if waffling)
Colleague of mine is talking large volumes of horse sh*t. I pay lip service until I break... "Mate, you're having me on..."
The (serious and straight faced) retort;
"No! You're... You... You're having ME on!!!!"
Genius.
(This was all very good natured, ill add. We'd been working together long enough to not have to pretend what the other person was saying was of any worth, if waffling)
douglasr said:
Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane.
At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag.
"You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked, sarcastically.
Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.
"Then you should know enough to have your passport ready."
The American said, 'The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible. Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France!"
The American gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained,
''Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this
country, I couldn't find a single Frenchmen to show a passport to."
I do hope this is true!At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag.
"You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked, sarcastically.
Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.
"Then you should know enough to have your passport ready."
The American said, 'The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible. Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France!"
The American gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained,
''Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this
country, I couldn't find a single Frenchmen to show a passport to."
csampo said:
douglasr said:
Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane.
At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag.
"You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked, sarcastically.
Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.
"Then you should know enough to have your passport ready."
The American said, 'The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible. Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France!"
The American gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained,
''Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this
country, I couldn't find a single Frenchmen to show a passport to."
I do hope this is true!At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag.
"You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked, sarcastically.
Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.
"Then you should know enough to have your passport ready."
The American said, 'The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible. Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France!"
The American gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained,
''Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this
country, I couldn't find a single Frenchmen to show a passport to."
Were there no Brits at D-Day then.?
dave stew said:
gowmonster said:
Yes, but they don't need passports to get into France.
Since when? I had to show mine last month at Dinard airport... http://europa.eu/travel/doc/index_en.htm
[report] [news] Yesterday (10:02)
In light of some posters cynicism as to whether some of these retorts are true;
Colleague of mine is talking large volumes of horse sh*t. I pay lip service until I break... "Mate, you're having me on..."
The (serious and straight faced) retort;
"No! You're... You... You're having ME on!!!!"
Genius.
(This was all very good natured, ill add. We'd been working together long enough to not have to pretend what the other person was saying was of any worth, if waffling)
I bet time fly's by when you two work together !!! - genius
In light of some posters cynicism as to whether some of these retorts are true;
Colleague of mine is talking large volumes of horse sh*t. I pay lip service until I break... "Mate, you're having me on..."
The (serious and straight faced) retort;
"No! You're... You... You're having ME on!!!!"
Genius.
(This was all very good natured, ill add. We'd been working together long enough to not have to pretend what the other person was saying was of any worth, if waffling)
I bet time fly's by when you two work together !!! - genius
gowmonster said:
1990, Doesn't have to be a passport, just an eu recognised ID card, eg driving license.
http://europa.eu/travel/doc/index_en.htm
Licence? http://europa.eu/travel/doc/index_en.htm
gowmonster said:
dave stew said:
gowmonster said:
Yes, but they don't need passports to get into France.
Since when? I had to show mine last month at Dinard airport... http://europa.eu/travel/doc/index_en.htm
dave stew said:
gowmonster said:
1990, Doesn't have to be a passport, just an eu recognised ID card, eg driving license.
http://europa.eu/travel/doc/index_en.htm
Licence? http://europa.eu/travel/doc/index_en.htm
UK English now selected in spell checker. (chrome appears to accept both as correct
)http://www.gcse.com/english/licence.htm
Nothing to do with spelling in different countries, everything to do with a poor education...
(Is that technically a retort?)
Nothing to do with spelling in different countries, everything to do with a poor education...
(Is that technically a retort?)
shakotan said:
ayw1 said:
used to have a foreman at an old work place was a bit of a div and thought he
could motivate people.one of the days he was trying his bit with the come on lads when he said
foreman-come on lads there is no i in team
me-your'e right theres no i in team but there is one in dic"head(aimed at him)
he looked at me puzzled then said you calling me a dic"head i laughed as did a few others
and he walked away.he gave me a few rubbish jobs after that but i thought it was worth it
could motivate people.one of the days he was trying his bit with the come on lads when he said
foreman-come on lads there is no i in team
me-your'e right theres no i in team but there is one in dic"head(aimed at him)
he looked at me puzzled then said you calling me a dic"head i laughed as did a few others
and he walked away.he gave me a few rubbish jobs after that but i thought it was worth it
blindswelledrat said:
shakotan said:
ayw1 said:
used to have a foreman at an old work place was a bit of a div and thought he
could motivate people.one of the days he was trying his bit with the come on lads when he said
foreman-come on lads there is no i in team
me-your'e right theres no i in team but there is one in dic"head(aimed at him)
he looked at me puzzled then said you calling me a dic"head i laughed as did a few others
and he walked away.he gave me a few rubbish jobs after that but i thought it was worth it
could motivate people.one of the days he was trying his bit with the come on lads when he said
foreman-come on lads there is no i in team
me-your'e right theres no i in team but there is one in dic"head(aimed at him)
he looked at me puzzled then said you calling me a dic"head i laughed as did a few others
and he walked away.he gave me a few rubbish jobs after that but i thought it was worth it
When confronted by a thug who has taken a dislike to you and says "What you lookin at?"... Retort. "I don't know, it's not labelled."
Having listened to a long and boring story for the 10th time... "Theres another 30 minutes I'll never get back."
If anyone speaking to you refers to friends they might have... "Wait, you have friends... When did this happen?"
When someone feels the need to laugh loudly at their own joke... Tap on the shoulder as say "Calm down, you're wasting valuable oxygen."
Having listened to a long and boring story for the 10th time... "Theres another 30 minutes I'll never get back."
If anyone speaking to you refers to friends they might have... "Wait, you have friends... When did this happen?"
When someone feels the need to laugh loudly at their own joke... Tap on the shoulder as say "Calm down, you're wasting valuable oxygen."
T0nup said:
When confronted by a thug who has taken a dislike to you and says "What you lookin at?"... Retort. "I don't know, it's not labelled."
Having listened to a long and boring story for the 10th time... "Theres another 30 minutes I'll never get back."
If anyone speaking to you refers to friends they might have... "Wait, you have friends... When did this happen?"
When someone feels the need to laugh loudly at their own joke... Tap on the shoulder as say "Calm down, you're wasting valuable oxygen."
Really? No, REALLY?Having listened to a long and boring story for the 10th time... "Theres another 30 minutes I'll never get back."
If anyone speaking to you refers to friends they might have... "Wait, you have friends... When did this happen?"
When someone feels the need to laugh loudly at their own joke... Tap on the shoulder as say "Calm down, you're wasting valuable oxygen."
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