Cracking retorts...
Discussion
Mr MXT said:
In 1974 I was catching the London train from Crewe station.
It was very crowded; I found myself in a last-minute rush for the one remaining seat beside a tall, good-looking man with collar-length hair, it was the seventies; buckaroo!
I looked up and saw it was none other than Peter Purves, it was the height of his Blue Peter fame. He said, "You jammy b
d" and quick as a flash, I replied, "Don't be blue, Peter!" Needless to say, I had the last laugh.
What's the matter, "cone" you take a joke? It was very crowded; I found myself in a last-minute rush for the one remaining seat beside a tall, good-looking man with collar-length hair, it was the seventies; buckaroo!
I looked up and saw it was none other than Peter Purves, it was the height of his Blue Peter fame. He said, "You jammy b
d" and quick as a flash, I replied, "Don't be blue, Peter!" Needless to say, I had the last laugh.In 1944 Alfred Hitchcock directed the film Lifeboat. The drama takes place almost entirely within the confines of a studio built mock lifeboat, and it was not easy dealing with a number of theatrical egos sat shoulder to shoulder for a long time. The female star was the famed stage actress Tallulah Bankhead, alcoholic, drug addict and notorious libertine. Perhaps in order to keep cool, Ms Bankhead did not always bother to don underwear beneath her skirt, and it soon became apparent to the crew in the studio that they were being treated to views of the star that were not strictly conventional.
One of the crew was delegated to approach the director to explain the problem.
Mr Hitchcock replied that he did not know if it was a problem for costume, make up or hairdressing.
One of the crew was delegated to approach the director to explain the problem.
Mr Hitchcock replied that he did not know if it was a problem for costume, make up or hairdressing.
Lazermilk said:
Frank7 said:
Lazermilk said:
Frank7 said:
Johnspex said:
Getting better Frank. If you can leave out the stroking the accelerator, as I put the car in gear.., we were drinking cognac and black coffee ( in a post about rugby fans so your drinks were completely immaterial), y'all, lower forty eight, subway, and all the other cool terms your posts might actually be readable.
Gee thanks John, (whoops, just kidding), I appreciate your constructive criticism, we were both lucky that I stroked the accelerator, remember when I’d say “stroked the gas pedal?”Perhaps you’ve finally got to me, and I am thinking before typing.
nonsequitur said:
Yes. A lot of wishful thinking I feel. Most of us think of a cracking retort an hour after the event. 'If only I had said that at the time...'
At the risk of upsetting some posters, the French have an expression for that, “L’esprit de l’escalier”It translates as staircase wit.
Similar to other PH 'classics' such as giving your watch some 'wrist time' after 'pulling the trigger' on it or 'dominating the stairs' after 'hammering frozen sausages' into the neighbours garden.
Ian Fleming and Frank.
I thought wrist time was pleasuring oneself.
Why do so many on here try to be cool. If you have to try to be cool then you most certainly aren't.
This one only works when written, but I used it when finishing a contract. My permie replacement was describing at great length, from the other side of the desk partition, how she planned to tackle some task that would be that would occur after I had left.
The Post-It note I held up read, 'Sh*ts given = <1'
She thought it was funny, anyway!
The Post-It note I held up read, 'Sh*ts given = <1'
She thought it was funny, anyway!
Famous hard bd and climber Don Whillans was in a Chamonix campsite* in 1970, on the day West Germany knocked us out of the World Cup.
A German climber shouted across to him "I see we have just beaten you at your national sport..."
Whillans, without taking a breath, a shouted back "We beat you at yours, twice".
d and climber Don Whillans was in a Chamonix campsite* in 1970, on the day West Germany knocked us out of the World Cup.A German climber shouted across to him "I see we have just beaten you at your national sport..."
Whillans, without taking a breath, a shouted back "We beat you at yours, twice".
- probably Snell's Field, which looks a bit like Sangatte migrants' camp,. but without the charm and toilets.
Castrol for a knave said:
Famous hard bd and climber Don Whillans was in a Chamonix campsite* in 1970, on the day West Germany knocked us out of the World Cup.
A German climber shouted across to him "I see we have just beaten you at your national sport..."
Whillans, without taking a breath, a shouted back "We beat you at yours, twice".
The best so far this year!d and climber Don Whillans was in a Chamonix campsite* in 1970, on the day West Germany knocked us out of the World Cup.A German climber shouted across to him "I see we have just beaten you at your national sport..."
Whillans, without taking a breath, a shouted back "We beat you at yours, twice".
- probably Snell's Field, which looks a bit like Sangatte migrants' camp,. but without the charm and toilets.
I was in a supermarket with my 6 foot 5 inch friend Chris. (For that is his name)
Some short fat bloke walks up to him.and says "What's in like up there, mate?
Now, Chris just walks off into the distance, so I says to the bloke "come here, tell me what you just said, I think you've upset him"
"All I said was he's a bit tall"
"Yes, that would upset him alot, because he's got a rare genetic form of dwarfism" inherited from his Dad whose only 3 foot 6"
"Oh, bloody hell, I never knew I just made an assumption."
"We all make that mistake. Don't worry, I'll tell him you are sorry and you are going to donate the C U N T association, when you get home..."
Told Chris later. He would not stop laughing.
Some short fat bloke walks up to him.and says "What's in like up there, mate?
Now, Chris just walks off into the distance, so I says to the bloke "come here, tell me what you just said, I think you've upset him"
"All I said was he's a bit tall"
"Yes, that would upset him alot, because he's got a rare genetic form of dwarfism" inherited from his Dad whose only 3 foot 6"
"Oh, bloody hell, I never knew I just made an assumption."
"We all make that mistake. Don't worry, I'll tell him you are sorry and you are going to donate the C U N T association, when you get home..."
Told Chris later. He would not stop laughing.
Pit Pony said:
I was in a supermarket with my 6 foot 5 inch friend Chris. (For that is his name)
Some short fat bloke walks up to him.and says "What's in like up there, mate?
Now, Chris just walks off into the distance, so I says to the bloke "come here, tell me what you just said, I think you've upset him"
"All I said was he's a bit tall"
"Yes, that would upset him alot, because he's got a rare genetic form of dwarfism" inherited from his Dad whose only 3 foot 6"
"Oh, bloody hell, I never knew I just made an assumption."
"We all make that mistake. Don't worry, I'll tell him you are sorry and you are going to donate the C U N T association, when you get home..."
Told Chris later. He would not stop laughing.
Some short fat bloke walks up to him.and says "What's in like up there, mate?
Now, Chris just walks off into the distance, so I says to the bloke "come here, tell me what you just said, I think you've upset him"
"All I said was he's a bit tall"
"Yes, that would upset him alot, because he's got a rare genetic form of dwarfism" inherited from his Dad whose only 3 foot 6"
"Oh, bloody hell, I never knew I just made an assumption."
"We all make that mistake. Don't worry, I'll tell him you are sorry and you are going to donate the C U N T association, when you get home..."
Told Chris later. He would not stop laughing.
kowalski655 said:
StanleyT said:
..., the sex education they teach them Cambridge lassies, never had such a night before or since...she brought me off so many times by the end of the night all my chap could do was dribble like Stephen Hawking, I was so frazzled and worn out, like a raw pepperami it was).
You are E L James AICMFPWinkleHoff said:
Mr MXT said:
In 1974 I was catching the London train from Crewe station.
It was very crowded; I found myself in a last-minute rush for the one remaining seat beside a tall, good-looking man with collar-length hair, it was the seventies; buckaroo!
I looked up and saw it was none other than Peter Purves, it was the height of his Blue Peter fame. He said, "You jammy bd" and quick as a flash, I replied, "Don't be blue, Peter!" Needless to say, I had the last laugh.
What's the matter, "cone" you take a joke? It was very crowded; I found myself in a last-minute rush for the one remaining seat beside a tall, good-looking man with collar-length hair, it was the seventies; buckaroo!
I looked up and saw it was none other than Peter Purves, it was the height of his Blue Peter fame. He said, "You jammy b
d" and quick as a flash, I replied, "Don't be blue, Peter!" Needless to say, I had the last laugh.Ashes test (can't remember which one), and Ian Botham walks out to start his innings. Keeping wicket for Australia is Rodney Marsh, and as Botham takes guard:-
Marsh : Hey, how's your wife and my kids?
Botham : Wife's fine; kids are retarded
______________
Another I've always liked:-
Beethoven (to an un-named composer upon asking his opinion) : I liked your opera very much. One day I might set it to music.
Marsh : Hey, how's your wife and my kids?
Botham : Wife's fine; kids are retarded
______________
Another I've always liked:-
Beethoven (to an un-named composer upon asking his opinion) : I liked your opera very much. One day I might set it to music.
bigandclever said:
WinkleHoff said:
Mr MXT said:
In 1974 I was catching the London train from Crewe station.
It was very crowded; I found myself in a last-minute rush for the one remaining seat beside a tall, good-looking man with collar-length hair, it was the seventies; buckaroo!
I looked up and saw it was none other than Peter Purves, it was the height of his Blue Peter fame. He said, "You jammy bd" and quick as a flash, I replied, "Don't be blue, Peter!" Needless to say, I had the last laugh.
What's the matter, "cone" you take a joke? It was very crowded; I found myself in a last-minute rush for the one remaining seat beside a tall, good-looking man with collar-length hair, it was the seventies; buckaroo!
I looked up and saw it was none other than Peter Purves, it was the height of his Blue Peter fame. He said, "You jammy b
d" and quick as a flash, I replied, "Don't be blue, Peter!" Needless to say, I had the last laugh.Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff