Sean Connery Joke (Volume IV)

[The Moose]

Evangelion said:

No I think a non-PC joke thread is a great idea, then those who are easily offended can just ignore it ... unless of course they're curious.

Slight modification to that:

How about having a page that is only viewable if you are logged in, therefore it wouldn't be indexed etc?!?

Argh - gotta run - got to turn fking Eastenders off...

Cheers

The Moose

[bridgdav]

Q: Which is the most sensitive organ while sneakily having one off the wrist..?
















A: Your ears

[dudleybloke]

Plotloss said:

I can't believe I got my computer seized just for having Virgin Media.

Or, as the police like to call it, 'child pornography'.

[sleep envy]

I'm an umpire for women's cricket.
I love to get that finger up.

[snowy slopes]

sleep envy said:

I'm an umpire for women's cricket.
I love to get that finger up.

Be carefull buddy, thats a bit near the nuckle so to speak!! Damn funny though!

[monthefish]

snowy slopes said:

sleep envy said:

I'm an umpire for women's cricket.
I love to get that finger up.

Have you read the rest of the thread???

Relatively speaking, that is so far away from the knuckle, it can't even see the knuckle...

[monthefish]

[from another thread]

Poledriver said:

A black swan walks into a pub.
The landlord says "Hey, I named the pub after you!"
Swan says, "What, Dave?"

[Justayellowbadge]

This year's Fringe top 10, as voted for by the viewers of Dave:

1) Dan Antopolski - "Hedgehogs - why can't they just share the hedge?"

• 2) Paddy Lennox - "I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: 'This could be interesting'."

• 3) Sarah Millican - "I had my boobs measured and bought a new bra. Now I call them Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes because they're up where they belong."

• 4) Zoe Lyons - "I went on a girls' night out recently. The invitation said 'dress to kill'. I went as Rose West."

• 5) Jack Whitehall - "I'm sure wherever my dad is; he's looking down on us. He's not dead, just very condescending."

• 6) Adam Hills - "Going to Starbucks for coffee is like going to prison for sex. You know you're going to get it, but it's going to be rough."

• 7) Marcus Brigstocke - "To the people who've got iPhones: you just bought one, you didn't invent it!"

• 8) Rhod Gilbert - "A spa hotel? It's like a normal hotel, only in reception there's a picture of a pebble."

• 9) Dan Antopolski - "I've been reading the news about there being a civil war in Madagascar. Well, I've seen it six times and there isn't."

• 10) Simon Brodkin (as Lee Nelson) - "I started so many fights at my school - I had that attention-deficit disorder. So I didn't finish a lot of them."

[snowy slopes]

monthefish said:

snowy slopes said:

sleep envy said:

I'm an umpire for women's cricket.
I love to get that finger up.

Have you read the rest of the thread???

Relatively speaking, that is so far away from the knuckle, it can't even see the knuckle...

Yeah okay fair point, but what with mexico, and then poj getting a stay on the naughty step for what were termed as offensive jokes(incidentally i thought they were inoffensive, but hey ho),then someone may take offence to that joke!

Edited by snowy slopes on Monday 24th August 12:48

[Vipers]

The funniest joke at this year's Edinburgh Festival Fringe has been revealed:

"Hedgehogs. Why can't they just share the hedge?"

No doubt in time........ I might perk up a bit and titter...... but then again

[sleep envy]

snowy slopes said:

someone may take offence to that joke!

if that's the case we should just stick to knock knock jokes

what do you call a 3 legged donky?

glue

[Brabus Jord]

Vipers said:

The funniest joke at this year's Edinburgh Festival Fringe has been revealed:

"Hedgehogs. Why can't they just share the hedge?"

No doubt in time........ I might perk up a bit and titter...... but then again

um was that joke not posted 2 hours and 10 mins before you posted yours?

Eta 1:50 before yours, sorry I'm retarded today

Edited by Brabus Jord on Monday 24th August 15:53

[snowy slopes]

sleep envy said:

snowy slopes said:

someone may take offence to that joke!

if that's the case we should just stick to knock knock jokes

what do you call a 3 legged donky?

glue

Yeah okay fair point,again, for me i am pretty thick skinned,broad minded and dont take offence to much in life, i can't, after all i am a newcastle united fan. However, whilst i find all sorts of jokes funny, some people might not.


As for the donkey joke

[sam.r]

sleep envy said:

snowy slopes said:

someone may take offence to that joke!

if that's the case we should just stick to knock knock jokes

what do you call a 3 legged donky?

glue

(From the same person????)

What's brown and sticky?

[Arese]

sam.r said:

sleep envy said:

snowy slopes said:

someone may take offence to that joke!

if that's the case we should just stick to knock knock jokes

what do you call a 3 legged donky?

glue

(From the same person????)

What's brown and sticky?

Poo

[pacey_sot]

A stick, surely?

[Corpulent Tosser]

So what is orange and sounds like a parrot ?

Edited by Corpulent Tosser on Monday 24th August 19:31

[Shaw Tarse]

Corpulent Tosser said:

So what is orange and sounds like a parrot ?

Edited by Corpulent Tosser on Monday 24th August 19:31

Carrot

[Corpulent Tosser]

Shaw Tarse said:

Corpulent Tosser said:

So what is orange and sounds like a parrot ?

Edited by Corpulent Tosser on Monday 24th August 19:31

Carrot

No silly, A Carrot sounds like a parrot

[Vipers]

Brabus Jord said:

Vipers said:

The funniest joke at this year's Edinburgh Festival Fringe has been revealed:

"Hedgehogs. Why can't they just share the hedge?"

No doubt in time........ I might perk up a bit and titter...... but then again

um was that joke not posted 2 hours and 10 mins before you posted yours?

Eta 1:50 before yours, sorry I'm retarded today

Edited by Brabus Jord on Monday 24th August 15:53

I was going to post earlier, but I couldn't stop laughing long enough to type it up