Sean Connery Joke (Volume IV)
Discussion
robinhood21 said:
Los Palmas 7 said:
And it most certainly wasn't Ronnie Barker.
I agree. Have had a look on the web, and it would seem it is highly unlikely. More on it Here.This is the story of Rindercella and her sugly isters.
Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion.
Rindercella worked very hard frubbing sloors, emptying poss pits,
and shivelling shot.
At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered.
The sugly isters were right bugly astards. One was called Mary
Hinge, and the other was called Betty Swallocks; they were really
forrible huckers;they had fetty sweet and fetty swannies. The sugly isters
had tickets to go to the ball, but the cotton runts would not let
Rindercella go.
Suddenly there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared.
Her name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian. She
turned a pumpkin and six mite wice into a hucking cuge farriage with
six dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and dig bicks
The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be back by dimnlight
otherwise, there would be a cucking falamity.
At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when
suddenly the clock struck twelve. "Mist all chucking frighty!!!"
said Rindercella, and she ran out tripping barse over ollocks, so
dropping her slass glipper.
The very next day the prandsome hince knocked on Rindercella's door
and the sugly isters let him in. Suddenly, Betty Swallocks lifted
her leg and let off a fig bart. "Who's fust jarted??" asked the
prandsome hince. "Blame that fugly ucker over there!!" said Mary Hinge.
When the stinking brown cloud had lifted, he tried the slass glipper on
both the sugly isters without success and their feet stucking funk.
Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a
knack in the kickers. This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge
halls and a hig bard on.
He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and it fitted pucking
ferfectly.
Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married. The pransome hince
lived his life in lucking fuxury, and Rindercella lived hers with a
follen swanny.
JAYB has made his thoughts on the subject quite clear:
Justayellowbadge said:
Not Ronnie Barker.
Often misattributed to him, but in fact not Ronnie Barker.
Some people even claim to remember him doing it on the telly, but they are mental, because it was not Ronnie Barker.
It has been often pointed out that it was not Ronnie Barker, by the many people who know that it was not Ronnie Barker, and yet still people post it, and fail to mention that it was not Ronnie Barker.
It's not even that funny after you've heard it the first 500 times, which is indicitive of the fact that it's not Ronnie Barker.
Often misattributed to him, but in fact not Ronnie Barker.
Some people even claim to remember him doing it on the telly, but they are mental, because it was not Ronnie Barker.
It has been often pointed out that it was not Ronnie Barker, by the many people who know that it was not Ronnie Barker, and yet still people post it, and fail to mention that it was not Ronnie Barker.
It's not even that funny after you've heard it the first 500 times, which is indicitive of the fact that it's not Ronnie Barker.
Los Palmas 7 said:
JAYB has made his thoughts on the subject quite clear:
Actually now I think about it, wasn't it Archie Campbell on USA's HeeHaw program back in about 1965 ????Justayellowbadge said:
Not Ronnie Barker.
Often misattributed to him, but in fact not Ronnie Barker.
Some people even claim to remember him doing it on the telly, but they are mental, because it was not Ronnie Barker.
It has been often pointed out that it was not Ronnie Barker, by the many people who know that it was not Ronnie Barker, and yet still people post it, and fail to mention that it was not Ronnie Barker.
It's not even that funny after you've heard it the first 500 times, which is indicitive of the fact that it's not Ronnie Barker.
Often misattributed to him, but in fact not Ronnie Barker.
Some people even claim to remember him doing it on the telly, but they are mental, because it was not Ronnie Barker.
It has been often pointed out that it was not Ronnie Barker, by the many people who know that it was not Ronnie Barker, and yet still people post it, and fail to mention that it was not Ronnie Barker.
It's not even that funny after you've heard it the first 500 times, which is indicitive of the fact that it's not Ronnie Barker.
Edited by RupertTheFridge on Friday 4th September 00:46
After 3 volumes this might be a re-post but I just received it:
Blonde Mortician
A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.
The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs,but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'
The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.
She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?'
To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.
'There's no charge,' she says.
'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.
'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'
'So I just switched the heads.'
Blonde Mortician
A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.
The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs,but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'
The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.
She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?'
To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.
'There's no charge,' she says.
'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.
'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'
'So I just switched the heads.'
pedantlewis said:
First contribution to this thread, hope it's not a repost:
What do spinach and anal sex have in common?
If you're made to have it as a child, you don't like it when you grow up.
That is fWhat do spinach and anal sex have in common?
If you're made to have it as a child, you don't like it when you grow up.
king wrong... I just sent it on to about 10 people.Good effort, you are definitly on the plane.
stifler said:
pedantlewis said:
First contribution to this thread, hope it's not a repost:
What do spinach and anal sex have in common?
If you're made to have it as a child, you don't like it when you grow up.
That is fWhat do spinach and anal sex have in common?
If you're made to have it as a child, you don't like it when you grow up.
king wrong... I just sent it on to about 10 people.Good effort, you are definitly on the plane.
Dont know if this is a repost...
A large, loud woman is walking into Asda in Dundee with her two children in tow when the greeter stops her. 'Good afternoon madam and welcome to Asda, lovely children you have there, are they twins?' To which the woman replies 'Nae, the boy is 9 an the girl is 6, why the feck would yae think they're twins!?'
'Terribly sorry madam' says the greeter, 'I just cant believe anyone would fk you twice!' 
A large, loud woman is walking into Asda in Dundee with her two children in tow when the greeter stops her. 'Good afternoon madam and welcome to Asda, lovely children you have there, are they twins?' To which the woman replies 'Nae, the boy is 9 an the girl is 6, why the feck would yae think they're twins!?'
'Terribly sorry madam' says the greeter, 'I just cant believe anyone would f
k you twice!' 
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