Tales of infidelity and woe
Discussion
Hi all,
I suspect my other half of going wayward...I guess the reason I am posting is that I am looking to get advice but not in the direct sense, by tapping into the ph community and seeing if anyone wishes to share any moments in their past when you suspected your OH and it turned out to be nothing, or not....would be very appreciated!
I guess I will talk to the OH, but at the moment I am trying to settle that flip flopping in my stomach first
Thanks,
CS
I suspect my other half of going wayward...I guess the reason I am posting is that I am looking to get advice but not in the direct sense, by tapping into the ph community and seeing if anyone wishes to share any moments in their past when you suspected your OH and it turned out to be nothing, or not....would be very appreciated!
I guess I will talk to the OH, but at the moment I am trying to settle that flip flopping in my stomach first
Thanks,
CS
Binned my now x when she went on a holiday to cyprus alledgedly with her stepsister.
I binned her on a gut feeling at the time.
Two weeks later my mate asks if we are definitely over and I say yes. He then pulls out a phone and says "ok I can show you this then".
Turns out that his at the time girlfriend (who was best mates with my at the time girlfriend) forgot her phone at home and flew off on a holiday. my mate checked the messages and found texts from my x with things like: "I am in the pool with my x now". "We had a fantastic f
k in my hotel room last night" etc etc.
I am not a jealous type normally, but something came over me that night when i told her we are through. It was the same night she was being knobbed by her x as it turned out.
Though I loved her dearly at the time I consider it a lucky escape, since she is an unstable, psychotic, gold digging x cocaine addict and I would probably end up a nervous, broke wreck with herpes, had I stayed with her.
Anyway, hope you are just imagining things and nothing sinister is going on.
I binned her on a gut feeling at the time.
Two weeks later my mate asks if we are definitely over and I say yes. He then pulls out a phone and says "ok I can show you this then".
Turns out that his at the time girlfriend (who was best mates with my at the time girlfriend) forgot her phone at home and flew off on a holiday. my mate checked the messages and found texts from my x with things like: "I am in the pool with my x now". "We had a fantastic f
k in my hotel room last night" etc etc.I am not a jealous type normally, but something came over me that night when i told her we are through. It was the same night she was being knobbed by her x as it turned out.
Though I loved her dearly at the time I consider it a lucky escape, since she is an unstable, psychotic, gold digging x cocaine addict and I would probably end up a nervous, broke wreck with herpes, had I stayed with her.
Anyway, hope you are just imagining things and nothing sinister is going on.
Instinct is worth using to your advantage, so use it. But be clear on why you are drawing these conclusions. Are you more than 75% sure? If not, go and find more evidence so that you are.
Don't go and ruin a relationship because of your own insecurities and if you know you are an insecure wreck at the best of times, ask yourself if it is this that is getting in your way.
But I doubt it is and that you are more than likely on to something. I would personally try turning up unannounced when she is meant to be alone and guage her reaction.
You need to give us a little more info on her behaviour.
Don't go and ruin a relationship because of your own insecurities and if you know you are an insecure wreck at the best of times, ask yourself if it is this that is getting in your way.
But I doubt it is and that you are more than likely on to something. I would personally try turning up unannounced when she is meant to be alone and guage her reaction.
You need to give us a little more info on her behaviour.
Defiantly go with your instinct.
My missus came back from a week in Ireland were she was in a skipping competition (yes she rope skips professionally). She seemed a bit edgy when she got back and I had this feeling something wasn't right.
So when she feel asleep, I checked her phone. I found one text in her inbox that said 'I wished we kissed more too'
Cue me waking up the OH, a blazing row, her crying and then not seeing her for 3 weeks.
We were going through a rough patch anyway and she'd stupidly fallen for this stupid Irish guys lines of crap about how if she wasn't sure about her relationship she should call it off etc.
It was only a kiss and she still swears to this day that he kissed her and it was nothing. Of course, his text reply makes it sound like there was more to it but I let it go eventually.
In the end I've done much worse....
My missus came back from a week in Ireland were she was in a skipping competition (yes she rope skips professionally). She seemed a bit edgy when she got back and I had this feeling something wasn't right.
So when she feel asleep, I checked her phone. I found one text in her inbox that said 'I wished we kissed more too'
Cue me waking up the OH, a blazing row, her crying and then not seeing her for 3 weeks.
We were going through a rough patch anyway and she'd stupidly fallen for this stupid Irish guys lines of crap about how if she wasn't sure about her relationship she should call it off etc.
It was only a kiss and she still swears to this day that he kissed her and it was nothing. Of course, his text reply makes it sound like there was more to it but I let it go eventually.
In the end I've done much worse....
So here it is.
Are you the jealous type that is constantly looking for reassurance and figuratively jumps at shadows? Do you habitually have rows about how another guy looked at your missus - something she couldn't control anyway? Do you secretly want her dressed up in a burkha when she goes out?
If the above sounds like you and you're suspicious? You're paranoid.
If not - and you're suspicious? Then you're right.
Only you can decide which. Bummer.
Last time I got suspicious it was because the ex was falling for the guy she would eventually marry.
Are you the jealous type that is constantly looking for reassurance and figuratively jumps at shadows? Do you habitually have rows about how another guy looked at your missus - something she couldn't control anyway? Do you secretly want her dressed up in a burkha when she goes out?
If the above sounds like you and you're suspicious? You're paranoid.
If not - and you're suspicious? Then you're right.
Only you can decide which. Bummer.
Last time I got suspicious it was because the ex was falling for the guy she would eventually marry.
Rarefied Brains said:
Go with your gut instinct.
definitely. if i were you i'd simply come out with it - not that you suspect her of an affair but that you think she is acting odd [being a woman she'll want cross referenced examples] and is everything ok.
i always go with my gut feeling and haven't been wrong so far. one it was right in that she was being a SWT, other times i guess i was just sensing the relationship had run its course.
isee said:
Binned my now x when she went on a holiday to cyprus alledgedly with her stepsister.
I binned her on a gut feeling at the time.
Two weeks later my mate asks if we are definitely over and I say yes. He then pulls out a phone and says "ok I can show you this then".
Turns out that his at the time girlfriend (who was best mates with my at the time girlfriend) forgot her phone at home and flew off on a holiday. my mate checked the messages and found texts from my x with things like: "I am in the pool with my x now". "We had a fantastic fk in my hotel room last night" etc etc.
I am not a jealous type normally, but something came over me that night when i told her we are through. It was the same night she was being knobbed by her x as it turned out.
Though I loved her dearly at the time I consider it a lucky escape, since she is an unstable, psychotic, gold digging x cocaine addict and I would probably end up a nervous, broke wreck with herpes, had I stayed with her.
Anyway, hope you are just imagining things and nothing sinister is going on.
Lucky escape I'd say!I binned her on a gut feeling at the time.
Two weeks later my mate asks if we are definitely over and I say yes. He then pulls out a phone and says "ok I can show you this then".
Turns out that his at the time girlfriend (who was best mates with my at the time girlfriend) forgot her phone at home and flew off on a holiday. my mate checked the messages and found texts from my x with things like: "I am in the pool with my x now". "We had a fantastic f
k in my hotel room last night" etc etc.I am not a jealous type normally, but something came over me that night when i told her we are through. It was the same night she was being knobbed by her x as it turned out.
Though I loved her dearly at the time I consider it a lucky escape, since she is an unstable, psychotic, gold digging x cocaine addict and I would probably end up a nervous, broke wreck with herpes, had I stayed with her.
Anyway, hope you are just imagining things and nothing sinister is going on.
Hi Chaps,
Thanks for the responses, really appreciated
I left my post a little cryptic, sorry. I'll elaborate with all the necessary salient points.
Im not the jealous type, I havent had an experience like this ever before in previous relationships to warrant suspicious behaviour on my part either.
We have been going out for a long time (3+ years) and I think I could say that I know her better than I have known anyone. The thing that go me at first was the change in her behaviour. Little things which I off handedly attributed to her oncoming final exams at university which she is working very hard for.
Her changes in behaviour towards me are subtle I guess, but to me quite noticeable. For instance, I spent a long time recently away (just under a month) on work in the states, apon returning home naturally wanted to jump her bones- she was not really interested, instead preferring to watch a dvd I brought back. That evening in bed she said to me, and i quote (though not as accurately as i would like) "I am sorry, its just that it is weird having you around again". Took three days of very clear signals of my part to have sex with her. Then I had to make another business trip leaving early on a friday morning. My house is nearer to the airport than hers so I was at mine with her on the thursday and then she said she would like to head back to her place on that evening to study rather than stay with me on thursday night and leave in the morning on friday when I was. This was odd, as usually this girl would find any excuse to be with me for as long as possible- especially overnight. Nagging doubts were filling my head, this was weird behaviour to be honest.
So I became suspicious and chance was there after I returned from my trip that her phone was lying on the bedside table and I hate to admit it but i checked her text messages, (something I have never done before), and sadly I found many messages from a chap at her uni who I had never met though knew of as she told me she hung out with him with some mutual friends of ours.
I scanned them quickly and they were not 100% proof, he was far too chummy with her and used terms like "sweetie" and xoxoxox. There was one message which now really worries me, it was simply "9:30??" and then "ok now?". Which I cant remember now (blasted fked up brain) but I think it was the on that thursday evening when she left me.....Though like I said I am not completely sure.
I havent confronted her, Im away again, she is working but I amm seeing her tomorrow. Its pretty damning reading it back to myself. Either way I hate the feeling of ambiguity and helplessness. This is a woman who I would describe as the most loyal and loving creature I have ever met. I still think its 50/50....
Thanks for reading,
CS
Thanks for the responses, really appreciated
I left my post a little cryptic, sorry. I'll elaborate with all the necessary salient points.
Im not the jealous type, I havent had an experience like this ever before in previous relationships to warrant suspicious behaviour on my part either.
We have been going out for a long time (3+ years) and I think I could say that I know her better than I have known anyone. The thing that go me at first was the change in her behaviour. Little things which I off handedly attributed to her oncoming final exams at university which she is working very hard for.
Her changes in behaviour towards me are subtle I guess, but to me quite noticeable. For instance, I spent a long time recently away (just under a month) on work in the states, apon returning home naturally wanted to jump her bones- she was not really interested, instead preferring to watch a dvd I brought back. That evening in bed she said to me, and i quote (though not as accurately as i would like) "I am sorry, its just that it is weird having you around again". Took three days of very clear signals of my part to have sex with her. Then I had to make another business trip leaving early on a friday morning. My house is nearer to the airport than hers so I was at mine with her on the thursday and then she said she would like to head back to her place on that evening to study rather than stay with me on thursday night and leave in the morning on friday when I was. This was odd, as usually this girl would find any excuse to be with me for as long as possible- especially overnight. Nagging doubts were filling my head, this was weird behaviour to be honest.
So I became suspicious and chance was there after I returned from my trip that her phone was lying on the bedside table and I hate to admit it but i checked her text messages, (something I have never done before), and sadly I found many messages from a chap at her uni who I had never met though knew of as she told me she hung out with him with some mutual friends of ours.
I scanned them quickly and they were not 100% proof, he was far too chummy with her and used terms like "sweetie" and xoxoxox. There was one message which now really worries me, it was simply "9:30??" and then "ok now?". Which I cant remember now (blasted f
ked up brain) but I think it was the on that thursday evening when she left me.....Though like I said I am not completely sure.I havent confronted her, Im away again, she is working but I amm seeing her tomorrow. Its pretty damning reading it back to myself. Either way I hate the feeling of ambiguity and helplessness. This is a woman who I would describe as the most loyal and loving creature I have ever met. I still think its 50/50....
Thanks for reading,
CS
Classicsport said:
...he was far too chummy with her and used terms like "sweetie" and xoxoxox.
3 years does tend to be a bit of a defining time in most relationships (well certainly in mine anyway).As for those texts - I wouldnt worry too much - he sounds like a bit of a 'lovey' hes probably got a bit of a 'fag-hag' friendship with your otherhalf. No normal male would put that many 'x's in a text!!
Unless he actually intended to type: OXO OXO (in which case you do have a problem!!)
mate - what you have there is classic wimmin signs of cheating on you. I would confront now, leave even if she says it isn't true. Do not bring up the text messages or that you checked her phone -just sit her down and say, "What is going on, is our relationship over, are you with somebody else". She will say, with tears, "There is nobody else, I just don't love you anymore." which means, "There is somebody else but if I admit it, you will think I am a slut." At this point, walk away, your relationship is over, no point calling her out on the other dude, the result will be the same.
Shabs
Shabs
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