Tales of infidelity and woe

[Classicsport]

Steamer said:

Classicsport said:

...he was far too chummy with her and used terms like "sweetie" and xoxoxox.

3 years does tend to be a bit of a defining time in most relationships (well certainly in mine anyway).

As for those texts - I wouldnt worry too much - he sounds like a bit of a 'lovey' hes probably got a bit of a 'fag-hag' friendship with your otherhalf. No normal male would put that many 'x's in a text!!

Unless he actually intended to type: OXO OXO (in which case you do have a problem!!)

The thing is, in my experience no guy is friends with a girl for reasons other than wanting to hop in the sack with her (especially if she is cute). Bit of a generalisation, I know, but for the most part true.

cs

[JJCW]

Or she's stressed about her finals and is just acting odd because of that perhaps.
Aren't finals in June/July time normally though?

The guy at uni may be a bit of a poo-pusher, so sends pretty girly messages.
Personally i'd want more proof than you've got before you 'out' her on it, because if you have the discussion, the relationship is over whether she is cheating on you or not.

If you're right, it's obviously fked.
If you're wrong, then you will be told you don't know her at all, are insensitive to her stress, and you obviously don't trust her etc etc.

[madrob6]

Classicsport said:

Steamer said:

Classicsport said:

...he was far too chummy with her and used terms like "sweetie" and xoxoxox.

3 years does tend to be a bit of a defining time in most relationships (well certainly in mine anyway).

As for those texts - I wouldnt worry too much - he sounds like a bit of a 'lovey' hes probably got a bit of a 'fag-hag' friendship with your otherhalf. No normal male would put that many 'x's in a text!!

Unless he actually intended to type: OXO OXO (in which case you do have a problem!!)

The thing is, in my experience no straight guy is friends with a girl for reasons other than wanting to hop in the sack with her (especially if she is cute). Bit of a generalisation, I know, but for the most part true.

cs

EFA

Could it be that this chap bats for the other team and your missus is spending time with him crying on his shoulder as she sees her relationship failing? She could be getting a portion elsewhere but it's worth considering that it could also be completely innocent before charging in and making a tit of yourself.

I've been cheated on before and it's a bloody horrible feeling. I also made the mistake of forgiving her but the relationship was never the same again. I then went onto cheat on her and she took it a lot worse than I did, oh well.

[WorAl]

Classicsport said:

There was one message which now really worries me, it was simply "9:30??" and then "ok now?". Which I cant remember now (blasted fked up brain) but I think it was the on that thursday evening when she left me.....Though like I said I am not completely sure.

Ok, is this 2 messages?? if so you really should have remembered when they were sent, sounds to me like they were planning on meeting after she went back home the night before you were going away......not saying this is deffinately true but it would have me suspicious too.

Confront her and talk about your worries, dont mention the text unless it seems like the relationship is on the rocks then you can tell her what you like, fk what she thinks of you looking at her texts at this point.

[M3CHA-MONK3Y]

Reading the Op's second post, I would say she's up to something.

Lack of interest in sex is more than likely due to guilt and not wanting to spend time with you shows she's no longer interested. Sit down and talk to her about it. As said earlier, don't let her know you've been through her phone, that will be twisted against you later and used to portray you as the bad guy to lessen her guilt.

If it was me, I would tell her you know she's up to something and that you want to end it. Be pre-emptive, calling the split first will help keep your confidence up as it puts you in control. You DO NOT want to know the details if she does admit to cheating on you, it just makes it worse.
If you can work through this, good luck but it takes a long time to let it go.

HTH

[Classicsport]

hora said:

classicsport. You could be putting a negative spin with your post however from how it reads I think she is moving on.

Yes I agree with you, i feel ashamed to say but thats the way I feel at the moment. And its hard to see the positive aspects.

These finals are really tough, and I really feel loathed to cause her any worry/grief til she has finished.

Thanks for your thoughts chaps,

best,
CS

[Rarefied Brains]

You're obviously moving in different circles and she has temptations.

If you want to get an idea of the competition, ask to go out with her on a uni night out. If she gets defensive, walk away from her with head held high, because it will save you future stress and upset. Believe me it's NOT helpful to know the ins and outs of any infidelity on her part and any details, however graphic, will only chew you up for ages.

Sorry but it's clearly make or break time and you need to issue some ultimatums at the very least.


Sincerely,
Brains

[Classicsport]

Hi Brains,

Thanks for that, good advice.

[Rarefied Brains]

Classicsport said:

Hi Brains,

Thanks for that, good advice.

Any time chap

[Spiritual_Beggar]

Classicsport said:

hora said:

classicsport. You could be putting a negative spin with your post however from how it reads I think she is moving on.

Yes I agree with you, i feel ashamed to say but thats the way I feel at the moment. And its hard to see the positive aspects.

These finals are really tough, and I really feel loathed to cause her any worry/grief til she has finished.

Thanks for your thoughts chaps,

best,
CS

Maybe use the exams as a way of letting her down. That's if you're sure she has been cheating and you want a way out.


Just say that things haven't been the same lately, and think that you could both do with a break so she can concentrate on her exams. If she's been cheating, I'm sure you'll get little arguement. But if she hasn't she might try and push for more reasons why you want a break.

The key thing is that you come out head high either way. The last thing you want in this situation is her calling it time on you, or for you to string it out further on the of hope that 'things' could go back to the way they were before.

[dibbers006]

bazking69 said:

Go and bury her in the fking forest. Alive

Seems the most logical outcome for all involved.

[Classicsport]

Thanks for your thoughts Hora.

Yes its interesting, she did mention that she resented me for being away in the states she resented me for it as she was "stuck at home revising". Whilst, to be fair I had a good time.

re: non aggression, indeed I am a pretty laid back person but when I read this messages I felt so angry, and I really am drawing a near blank about them, I can barely remember them- really strange.

I was so angry I had to leave and thats why I am having a cool off.

cheers again,

cs

[esselte]

Jasandjules said:

You can get a friend to follow her? (a friend she doesn't know by sight though). OR you can pay a PI to do it (more and more common by all accounts).

If you have this much mistrust in your partner then it's over anyway (in my opinion)

[Classicsport]

esselte said:

Jasandjules said:

You can get a friend to follow her? (a friend she doesn't know by sight though). OR you can pay a PI to do it (more and more common by all accounts).

If you have this much mistrust in your partner then it's over anyway (in my opinion)

Indeed, its worrying when you have to do something like that. And I am nowhere near that!

But, this is the first time my trust in her has been hit, which is pretty sad considering the 3+ years of solid foundation of trust.

cs

[Eddh]

I suspected my ex liked someone else twice in an 18 month relationship. The first time it was this guy she used to go out with years ago and was going into the Army, she was out with her friends while I was at work (during the day) and went to meet him on her own rather than going with any of her friends. This looked suspisious to me so I called her bluff and went mental. Hence lots of crying and her getting really upset, I mean like genuinly upset not you have caught me and I am upset because of that upset. I turned out to be wrong and looked like a bit of a dick.

The second time was when she was texting this guy quite a lot and talking to him on msn quite a bit. I found the chat logs and the texts and went through them. A lot of it was her moaning about our relationship as it was a bit rocky at the time and he was advising her to end it if she wasn't happy etc, i.e. been a right little sneaky while trying to get his leg over. Again I went mental and confronted him threatening to break his legs unless he backed off. Ex found out about this and went mad at me for been a dhead, we split up about a month later. She never got togeather with him but I am still convinced I was right.

ETA - I went and boned someone I was quite interested in 2 days after we split up, so I guess I sort of win...

Edited by Eddh on Tuesday 4th August 10:51

[otolith]

If she's about to graduate, she's coming to a big change in her life. Sometimes relationships don't survive transitions like that - the kind of person you want to spend your student years with might not be the kind of person you envisage living as a grown-up with. Doesn't necessarily mean there's someone else, she just might not be imagining you as part of the next chapter of her life - is she planning to work where you live now? Have you talked about what happens next? Or, she could just be stressed about her exams and insecure about what's going to happen after uni. Talk to her, it could be nothing at all.

[Rarefied Brains]

otolith said:

If she's about to graduate, she's coming to a big change in her life. Sometimes relationships don't survive transitions like that - the kind of person you want to spend your student years with might not be the kind of person you envisage living as a grown-up with. Doesn't necessarily mean there's someone else, she just might not be imagining you as part of the next chapter of her life - is she planning to work where you live now? Have you talked about what happens next? Or, she could just be stressed about her exams and insecure about what's going to happen after uni. Talk to her, it could be nothing at all.

Very true

Young wimmin seem to think they have to do what is somehow expected of them emotionally speaking. Men on relationships: "if it ain't broke.."

[crofty1984]

Classicsport said:

Stuff

Ignoring the text stuff

Either:

She's seeing someone else
She's not into you like she was and wants to move on
You have a smelly penis

[Dupont666]

Eddh said:

I suspected my ex liked someone else twice in an 18 month relationship. The first time it was this guy she used to go out with years ago and was going into the Army, she was out with her friends while I was at work (during the day) and went to meet him on her own rather than going with any of her friends. This looked suspisious to me so I called her bluff and went mental. Hence lots of crying and her getting really upset, I mean like genuinly upset not you have caught me and I am upset because of that upset. I turned out to be wrong and looked like a bit of a dick.

The second time was when she was texting this guy quite a lot and talking to him on msn quite a bit. I found the chat logs and the texts and went through them. A lot of it was her moaning about our relationship as it was a bit rocky at the time and he was advising her to end it if she wasn't happy etc, i.e. been a right little sneaky while trying to get his leg over. Again I went mental and confronted him threatening to break his legs unless he backed off. Ex found out about this and went mad at me for been a dhead, we split up about a month later. She never got togeather with him but I am still convinced I was right.

ETA - I went and boned someone I was quite interested in 2 days after we split up, so I guess I sort of win...

Edited by Eddh on Tuesday 4th August 10:51

You seem a little unhinged....

The first time you were completely wrong and the second time she was asking advice off a friend on the net/phone, as you say it was a rocky patch and she wanted someone to talk to and then you go mental at him for instantly thinking he wants to get his leg over... any proof of that?

I have a lot of femal friends that ask me for advice when they have had rocky times and I have never wanted to get me leg over them, if you had done to me I would not have been happy but you would have proved my point.

[Eddh]

Dupont666 said:

You seem a little unhinged....

The first time you were completely wrong and the second time she was asking advice off a friend on the net/phone, as you say it was a rocky patch and she wanted someone to talk to and then you go mental at him for instantly thinking he wants to get his leg over... any proof of that?

I have a lot of femal friends that ask me for advice when they have had rocky times and I have never wanted to get me leg over them, if you had done to me I would not have been happy but you would have proved my point.

It just seemed too much if you know what I mean, there is giving advise as you said and been a slimey git. He had always been a slimey git and seemed to be trying to split us up rather than give her good advice.