things a man would think

[davido140]

Nyphur said:

That bathing in a load of 1p/2p coins would make you smell metallic, like a robot. Then you could stand behind people and make them panic that there was a robot behind them.

Always wondering if you could swim in money, like uncle mcscrooge from duck tails!

[evenflow]

[jammiedodger26]

Kit80 said:

I want to do that creepy one eyebrow up and one down things, I need to improve my creepy look.

I actually taught myself to do this...but only with one eyebrow...I'm still working on the second one!

[AndyAudi]

jammiedodger26 said:

Kit80 said:

I want to do that creepy one eyebrow up and one down things, I need to improve my creepy look.

I actually taught myself to do this...but only with one eyebrow...I'm still working on the second one!

I've always known I could do it, but until reading the above, didn't realise I could only do it with one side!
(People across the room are looking at me in a funny way now)

Edited by AndyAudi on Friday 16th October 15:00

[schmalex]

cazzer said:

Ahhh Moneypenny said:

"giving birth is like shelling peas" (that's what my dad said) I couldn't repeat what my mums response was lol!

A friend of mine has just given birth.
First baby, aged 40 (her not the baby).
It arrived on the bathroom floor with less than half an hours labour.

A proper "Get that would ya Deirdre" moment.

She has spent the last to days in the maternity unit telling about to be mums "It's just like shelling peas", just to wind them up.

Why is she boasting that she has a fanny like a wizards' sleeve

[Kit80]

OMFG

• books in a wax*

Is this why I am single, because I have the brain of a man?

Was it because I said I had man flu?

[NiceCupOfTea]

Doing something whilst thinking "this is going to go wrong in a minute in spectacular fashion", continuing doing it, and then it going wrong in spectacular fashion.

Usually involves sharp knives or things made out of glass...

[Jgtv]

rhinochopig said:

"I wonder if...." followed some time later by:

a) a trip to A&E, or
b) a trip to the shop to buy a replacement for the item you've just modified, or
c) both of the above

Along these lines
"it cant be that difficult...."
"Whats the worst that could happen...."
"I am sure it will fit..."
"Well they enjoyed it in the videos, so why not...."

[Justayellowbadge]

Kit80 said:

OMFG

• books in a wax*

Quit your moaning, and for god's sake comb your face.

[Kit80]

Justayellowbadge said:

Kit80 said:

OMFG

• books in a wax*

Quit your moaning, and for god's sake comb your face.

See I am a woman, I moan!! And that was a mini mental.

I decided I no longer care. Am going to do a reverse Nolar and live it up. Men have ut easy anyway!!

[Alfanatic]

Jgtv said:

rhinochopig said:

"I wonder if...." followed some time later by:

a) a trip to A&E, or
b) a trip to the shop to buy a replacement for the item you've just modified, or
c) both of the above

Along these lines
"it cant be that difficult...."
"Whats the worst that could happen...."
"I am sure it will fit..."
"Well they enjoyed it in the videos, so why not...."

Or, "tighten your seatbelt, I want to try something... I saw this in a cartoon once, I'm sure I can pull it off."
Often shortened to "Check out this move."

EDIT: Had one a while ago which could, IMO, only have been a male response. Conversation between guys in pub turns to subject of refugees trying to escape some country getting caught at the border: Apparently they get shot en masse at the border post, then their bodies are tied together and thrown over the bridge into the river. Cue a few gasps of disgust, and this:
"that's stupid. They should tie them together and push them in the river first, then they only need to shoot the ones that manage to swim out. Saves ammo."

Edited by Alfanatic on Friday 16th October 15:40

[BarnatosGhost]

Alfanatic said:

Jgtv said:

rhinochopig said:

"I wonder if...." followed some time later by:

a) a trip to A&E, or
b) a trip to the shop to buy a replacement for the item you've just modified, or
c) both of the above

Along these lines
"it cant be that difficult...."
"Whats the worst that could happen...."
"I am sure it will fit..."
"Well they enjoyed it in the videos, so why not...."

Or, "tighten your seatbelt, I want to try something... I saw this in a cartoon once, I'm sure I can pull it off."
Often shortened to "Check out this move."

EDIT: Had one a while ago which could, IMO, only have been a male response. Conversation between guys in pub turns to subject of refugees trying to escape some country getting caught at the border: Apparently they get shot en masse at the border post, then their bodies are tied together and thrown over the bridge into the river. Cue a few gasps of disgust, and this:
"that's stupid. They should tie them together and push them in the river first, then they only need to shoot the ones that manage to swim out. Saves ammo."

Edited by Alfanatic on Friday 16th October 15:40

Or the Australian version:

"Hold my beer and watch this..."

[Alfanatic]

[patmahe]

Usually when drunk, we seem to scan every large structure for an 'ease to climb' rating. This usually results in one of the following.

- Clinging in a terrified fashion to the structure despite being 2 feet from the ground while your mates laugh at you.
- Falling but not feeling anything until the following day.
- Falling but pretending it didn't hurt to save face.
- Success - and disappointment from your mates that you didn't fall.

[trooperiziz]

Mrs Trackside said:

bazking69 said:

I tried riding a pushbike with my arms crossed when I was a kid. I fell off on concrete and quite badly grazed myself. I haven't done it since...

That's a major fail! I'm a girl and I could ride a bike with no hands!

You miss the point, riding with no hands is a billion times easier than riding with your arms crossed.

[Ayahuasca]

evenflow said:

The more he drinks, the more like David Hasselhoff he becomes

[rhinochopig]

BarnatosGhost said:

Alfanatic said:

Jgtv said:

rhinochopig said:

"I wonder if...." followed some time later by:

a) a trip to A&E, or
b) a trip to the shop to buy a replacement for the item you've just modified, or
c) both of the above

Along these lines
"it cant be that difficult...."
"Whats the worst that could happen...."
"I am sure it will fit..."
"Well they enjoyed it in the videos, so why not...."

Or, "tighten your seatbelt, I want to try something... I saw this in a cartoon once, I'm sure I can pull it off."
Often shortened to "Check out this move."

EDIT: Had one a while ago which could, IMO, only have been a male response. Conversation between guys in pub turns to subject of refugees trying to escape some country getting caught at the border: Apparently they get shot en masse at the border post, then their bodies are tied together and thrown over the bridge into the river. Cue a few gasps of disgust, and this:
"that's stupid. They should tie them together and push them in the river first, then they only need to shoot the ones that manage to swim out. Saves ammo."

Edited by Alfanatic on Friday 16th October 15:40

Or the Australian version:

"Hold my beer and watch this..."

My Brother-in-Law bought me a T-Shirt that says "I saw it on TV, so I'm sure I can do it". It remonded him of me apparently.

[HRG.]

"If this much gunpowder makes a bang this big, imagine how good it would be with double, no ten times, no a hundred times the amount"!

[jesta1865]

HRG. said:

"If this much gunpowder makes a bang this big, imagine how good it would be with double, no ten times, no a hundred times the amount"!

see that reminds me of a story told by my OH uncle, he was involved with the development of the atomic bomb, anyway he was in the outback in oz with the rest of the loonies sorry scientists and they set off a bomb and they said after so many seconds the ball should be about the size of an old 1p piece (quite big if i remember correctly)and was spot on. so on the next day of testing the engineering team, had changed something to do with the way the bomb was detonated. and they said we used less this time, but they yield should be the same due to the new trigger set-up.

the bomb goes off, they turn around after so many seconds and lift up the pennies at which point, the chief physicist looks at my OH uncle, just says st! and starts running, the engineers and scientists run past the MOD guys and politicians, the MOD guys cotton on and run, and the politicians figure it out with seconds to spare. don't know what his team did but by accident they got something daft like 4 times the yield they should have had.

incidentally, i am mearly repeating the story i may not have the figures and terms right, i suspect there are people on here that know far more about it than me. it was just a funny story.

[DrTre]

New rented accom:

Central Heating Dial: "NEVER Turn Fully Anticlockwise"

<I wonder...>

"Hi...yes, DrTre here, your new tenant...sorry to bother you..it's about the central heating..."