Stupid Sayings (That You Like)

[North West Tom]

Carparticus said:

Do you want some ketchup to go with that chip on your shoulder?

Do you want some laughter to go with that joke?

[E24man]

A face like a welders apron.....

As mad as a box of frogs.

As mad as a bag of ferrets.

Does the Pope st on the Catholics?

I know. I understand. I get it. But I still don't give a st.

[gobabygo]

I cant believe we haven't had 'I wouldn't even touch her with yours' when talking about a rotter.

[Papa Hotel]

CaptainSlow said:

rocket said:

a couple more....

'spank it like a ginger stepkid'
'smack the granny out of it'

I thought it was "as popular as a ginger stepkid"

Or "I'd hit it like a ginger stepchild." Used when referring to an attractive female. Meaning you'd smash her hard.

I like "two ears, one mouth, use them in that ratio" when someone just won't STFU and asks bone questions.

Bone - stupid, boring, repetitive.

"as useful as a NAAFI watch" - similar to chocolate teapot.

[Ross1988]

After I've finished with her she's going to look like

'A plasterers radio'
'She's gone head on in a accident with a milk float'

And...

'She's seen more pricks than a second hand dartboard'

And...

Your car couldn't pull a rapist of your grandma (crude but for the PH inside of all us)

(ETA after scrolling up and seeing my contributions)

Edited by Ross1988 on Sunday 26th September 07:46

[WildCards]

So cold you could grate cheese on my scrotum.

Is the pope a catholic? is another along similiar lines to does a bear st in the woods.

[oilslick]

From a rather elderly Yorkshireman as a somewhat rotund girl walked past - "By 'eck, I bet she can st"

[Cock Womble 7]

North West Tom said:

Rogered more times than a policeman's walkie talkie.

In my day, it were "Rogered more times than a Storno."

[john2443]

80s Matchbox said:

I quite like "Does the pope st in the woods?". Has been used a lot but it's worth mentioning occasionally...and you sometimes get a puzzeld look..


And if someone uses the "does a bear st in the woods?" line

Friends who were trying to come up with an alternative for these created 'Is the Pope Jewish?' which can be useful when something isn't obvious, or just to be confusing!

[AstonZagato]

Couldn't organise a panic in a doomed submarine.

[kiteless]

On a poor act / decision: you need shafting with a rag man's trumpet for that

[evenflow]

After spending several hours polishing and waxing my car, a friend commented that it was "glistening like a todger on the outstroke".

[52classic]

Upon hearing another person fart....

"Speak up brown you're through!"

When emitting a fart on your own account....

"Better an empty house than a bad tennant!"


Best said in a 'crusty old colonel' voice, I always thought that these had a certain colonial charm.

[Twincam16]

AstonZagato said:

Couldn't organise a panic in a doomed submarine.

Noted

[52classic]

On describing the beamy backside of a middle aged woman......

"From behind she looks loke a priest on a donkey."


Another descriptive term used in the cold weather....

"They're like the controls of a radio set."

[K&L]

Just found this old thread and thought it was due a re-visit so here goes:

Head like a hatful of mashed cocks - hungover
Fanny like a turkey's neck

[davhill]

Face like a (delete as applicable)...

Welder's bench
Cobbler's thumb
Bulldog chewing a wasp

As much use as a...

Chocolate mantlepiece
Non-stick brake pad
Cordless kite

Tight as a fish's gearbox

[oceanview]

Fanny like a hatchet accident;

Face like a pit- bull licking hot ps off a nettle;

Tighter than a natts chuff;

Couldn't organise a shag in a brothel!

[48k]

"I'm turtling" = I need the lavatory really rather urgently.

[davhill]

With reference to droopy boobs.

Roof tiler's nail sacks.