Stupid Sayings (That You Like)

[66mpg]

As an alternative to the never-ending question about bears toilet habits I prefer "Does Dolly Parton sleep on her back?"

Another phrase that can bring a meeting to a halt in a fit of giggles, at least if there are a few middle-aged women round the table, is "Up and down like a bride's nightie."

[Tango13]

A mate whilst halfway through an enduro race once commented that he was...

'Sweating like a paedophile in a playground'

[davhill]

My girlfriend's impish granny tried to convince me that in 1920's Edinburgh, they used to do the weekly wash in a dolly tub with coal added to the clothes and hot water.

I didn't buy that one but I appreciated her comment about a mean acquaintance...

"The only gold he's got is on the tail of his shirt."

A classic.

[Tom Logan]

"If you put all the dicks she's had end to end you'd have a handrail for the Isle of Wight"

[davhill]

A subtle one with a PH connection...
I bet she's burning a bit of oil by now.

And a bon mot out of 'I think' 'The Choirboys'. One of the US cops was talking about his wife's being a touch 'slack'. He was planning on getting a supermarket chicken to rebush her.

Edited by davhill on Sunday 16th July 21:02

[sc0tt]

A young lady once told me she was wetter than an otters pocket.

[LordJammy]

When referring to an especially miserly individual;

"He wouldn't give you the steam off his piss"

[rambo19]

'A closed mouth holds no foot'.

[Frank7]

Tom Logan said:

"If you put all the dicks she's had end to end you'd have a handrail for the Isle of Wight"

To go with that;
If all the women in Liverpool were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised.

An alternative to, is the Pope a Catholic;
does the Pope wear a funny hat?

She's got an arse the size of a small country.

[GuitarTech]

"Nipples like chapel hatpegs"

"A clunge like a run-over hedgehog"

"She went like a rat up a drainpipe"

[WolfAir]

I've always enjoyed breast related sayings i came (haha) across when i used to do door work fair few years ago...
I'm steaming off me t*ts (i am drunk beyond comprehension)
You're getting on my t*ts ( you are annoying me)
It's gone t*ts up (well that didnt work)
Alright, keep your t*ts on (calm down dear)

[vournikas]

Many years ago, I had the pleasure of working with a site foreman born and bred in Doncaster.

fk me, he had a saying for almost everything.

'Now then, go stick thee 'ed in a bucket of shyte'

'Go an' get thee face fked'

'See that?!? Tha needs shaftin' with a rag man's trumpet. Sideways. Twice, for building shyte like that'

[Se7enheaven]

Face like a blind cobblers thumb
Face like a half chewed toffee
Face like a burst couch

F*nny like a clowns pocket
F*nny like a wizards sleeve

When talking about useless work colleagues:
Waste of skin
Waste of cloth
Oxygen thief

[thainy77]

When i was working in the Middle East we would have a lot of graduate engineers come through, none with any common sense, we used to use the phrase:

"You are like a lighthouse in the desert, bright enough but fk all use to any ".

[anonymous-user]

I always liked: she looks like a robbers dog.

[ajprice]

As much use as Anne Frank's drum kit.

[Europa1]

"That'll go down like a cup of cold sick".

[sinbaddio]

"She's had more cock ends than weekends".

[alorotom]

Who's pissed in his crisps

Body like baywatch, face like crimewatch

Beefin' (as in "im beefin'" aka "I'm hot")

[alorotom]

NoNeed said:

I usually reply no but there is an M and an E

I always reply, "no, but if you look closely there is an M and E"