Geek Jokes

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Kiltie

7,504 posts

247 months

Wednesday 11th December 2019
quotequote all
I'm a Calibri man … but Verdana is growing on me.

Mannginger

9,074 posts

258 months

Wednesday 11th December 2019
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Calibri for me, size 11 (why not) smile

RizzoTheRat

25,211 posts

193 months

Wednesday 11th December 2019
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Why not just use Comic Sans?

getmecoat

Munter

31,319 posts

242 months

Wednesday 11th December 2019
quotequote all
Kiltie said:
I'm a Calibri man … but Verdana is growing on me.
It's penicillin that's best to clear up a bad dose of Verdana isn't it?

geeks

9,207 posts

140 months

Wednesday 11th December 2019
quotequote all
Munter said:
Kiltie said:
I'm a Calibri man … but Verdana is growing on me.
It's penicillin that's best to clear up a bad dose of Verdana isn't it?
hehe

AndySheff

6,640 posts

208 months

Friday 13th December 2019
quotequote all
He's making a database.
He's sorting it twice.
Select * from contacts where behaviour = 'nice'
SQL CLause is coming to town !

wiggy001

6,545 posts

272 months

Friday 13th December 2019
quotequote all
AndySheff said:
He's making a database.
He's sorting it twice.
Select * from contacts where behaviour = 'nice'
SQL CLause is coming to town !
I would expect behaviour to be held in a child table with an effective date as part of the key. Your statement suggests behaviour is a single, rarely changing property of a contact. And why would you select * if you are making a list of contacts? Surely he would select name and address (again, from different tables). And it will make for a very inefficient Christmas Eve if he doesn't perform an order by on the addresses...

Clockwork Cupcake

74,625 posts

273 months

Friday 13th December 2019
quotequote all
Better hope that little Bobby Tables hasn't been nice this year. smile



glenrobbo

35,310 posts

151 months

Friday 13th December 2019
quotequote all
geeks said:
louiebaby said:
MartG said:
fking Calibri 12. Grrr.

Arial 8 all the way please.
Calibri is the king of fonts!
nono Has to be Galliard. cloud9


DogLog

1,258 posts

267 months

Sunday 15th December 2019
quotequote all
wiggy001 said:
AndySheff said:
He's making a database.
He's sorting it twice.
Select * from contacts where behaviour = 'nice'
SQL CLause is coming to town !
I would expect behaviour to be held in a child table with an effective date as part of the key. Your statement suggests behaviour is a single, rarely changing property of a contact. And why would you select * if you are making a list of contacts? Surely he would select name and address (again, from different tables). And it will make for a very inefficient Christmas Eve if he doesn't perform an order by on the addresses...
Searching an address history table to find the contact's current address is inefficient. Perfectly reasonable to keep that on the contact table. I've just rung Santa to explain. He told me to do one.
  1. justsayin

MartG

20,697 posts

205 months

Monday 16th December 2019
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He also fails to account for the Thumbsnap logo frown

Dr Jekyll

23,820 posts

262 months

Monday 16th December 2019
quotequote all
DogLog said:
wiggy001 said:
AndySheff said:
He's making a database.
He's sorting it twice.
Select * from contacts where behaviour = 'nice'
SQL CLause is coming to town !
I would expect behaviour to be held in a child table with an effective date as part of the key. Your statement suggests behaviour is a single, rarely changing property of a contact. And why would you select * if you are making a list of contacts? Surely he would select name and address (again, from different tables). And it will make for a very inefficient Christmas Eve if he doesn't perform an order by on the addresses...
Searching an address history table to find the contact's current address is inefficient. Perfectly reasonable to keep that on the contact table. I've just rung Santa to explain. He told me to do one.
  1. justsayin
He's not trying to find the contact's address though, he is trying to extract all addresses associated with contacts with 'nice' behaviour.

feef

5,206 posts

184 months

Monday 16th December 2019
quotequote all
Dr Jekyll said:
DogLog said:
wiggy001 said:
AndySheff said:
He's making a database.
He's sorting it twice.
Select * from contacts where behaviour = 'nice'
SQL CLause is coming to town !
I would expect behaviour to be held in a child table with an effective date as part of the key. Your statement suggests behaviour is a single, rarely changing property of a contact. And why would you select * if you are making a list of contacts? Surely he would select name and address (again, from different tables). And it will make for a very inefficient Christmas Eve if he doesn't perform an order by on the addresses...
Searching an address history table to find the contact's current address is inefficient. Perfectly reasonable to keep that on the contact table. I've just rung Santa to explain. He told me to do one.
  1. justsayin
He's not trying to find the contact's address though, he is trying to extract all addresses associated with contacts with 'nice' behaviour.
He should be extracting all addresses associated with naughty behaviour. Surely nice is the default?

LordGrover

33,549 posts

213 months

Monday 16th December 2019
quotequote all
A network admin is drafted into the army and is sent to the firing range for target practice. After firing off a few shots a report comes back that he has failed to get any on target. He looks at the rifle, and then looks at the target. He then puts a finger into the end of the rifle, and with his other hand he squeezes the trigger. His finger is blown off. The admin yells towards the target area, “It’s leaving here just fine. The problem must be at your end.”

Veeayt

3,139 posts

206 months

Monday 16th December 2019
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MartG

20,697 posts

205 months

Monday 16th December 2019
quotequote all

geeks

9,207 posts

140 months

Monday 16th December 2019
quotequote all
LordGrover said:
A network admin is drafted into the army and is sent to the firing range for target practice. After firing off a few shots a report comes back that he has failed to get any on target. He looks at the rifle, and then looks at the target. He then puts a finger into the end of the rifle, and with his other hand he squeezes the trigger. His finger is blown off. The admin yells towards the target area, “It’s leaving here just fine. The problem must be at your end.”
Oh god if I had a penny for every time.......

dxg

8,226 posts

261 months

Monday 16th December 2019
quotequote all
feef said:
Dr Jekyll said:
DogLog said:
wiggy001 said:
AndySheff said:
He's making a database.
He's sorting it twice.
Select * from contacts where behaviour = 'nice'
SQL CLause is coming to town !
I would expect behaviour to be held in a child table with an effective date as part of the key. Your statement suggests behaviour is a single, rarely changing property of a contact. And why would you select * if you are making a list of contacts? Surely he would select name and address (again, from different tables). And it will make for a very inefficient Christmas Eve if he doesn't perform an order by on the addresses...
Searching an address history table to find the contact's current address is inefficient. Perfectly reasonable to keep that on the contact table. I've just rung Santa to explain. He told me to do one.
  1. justsayin
He's not trying to find the contact's address though, he is trying to extract all addresses associated with contacts with 'nice' behaviour.
He should be extracting all addresses associated with naughty behaviour. Surely nice is the default?
Not in today's society. Humbug.

simoid

19,772 posts

159 months

Tuesday 17th December 2019
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geeks said:
Oh god if I had a penny for every time.......
...you’ve shot your finger off?

smile

ging84

8,926 posts

147 months

Tuesday 17th December 2019
quotequote all
simoid said:
geeks said:
Oh god if I had a penny for every time.......
...you’ve shot your finger off?

smile
Worth a couple of extra pennies in certain counties, let's not mention which ones
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