365 days without booze... join me?

[mygoldfishbowl]

Bathroom_Security said:

Just shy of 6 months in

I may celebrate with an actual real beer.

I can only comment based on my own circumstances. I wouldn't if I were you.


Edit.. In fact I didn't and I'm glad I didn't.

[Davie_GLA]

Bathroom_Security said:

Just shy of 6 months in

I may celebrate with an actual real beer.

This is my worst fear and I’m wondering if getting in on this thread just to do the 365 was a bad idea. It has been, and continues to be a great place for me to vent and start some decent thought processes.

Maybe i, or someone needs to start a thread about packing it in forever but I guess the long game isn’t really in the theme of the site. Then again teaspoons aren’t either

I’ll do the year on 11th July, this place and a few others have been a god send to help me make sense of things and it’s made even better by complete strangers reaching out privately. True community.

I looked back at all the research and reading I did, all the things I learned about the liver and the psychology of addiction and it’s quite amazing the stuff I’ve accumulated over the last 11 months.

When I read JAYB thread about saying goodbye after he contracted cancer and it got to his liver it hit me like a brick and to my knowledge he didn’t have any problems rationalising booze intake; he just got a stty hand dealt to him. I read his thread regularly and although I am relatively confident I’ve knocked booze on the head I now worry that cancer is my next chapter even though I’ve no reason to think I have it. I get tested regularly for it and it just sticks in my mind that I might just need to have the conversation at some point.

[Pjburley]

500 Miles said:

Not as many as others, however, I’m now on my 103rd day..

It is surprising that drinking really is a habit.. that probably sounds a bit stupid.. I mean I think by not drinking for so long, I can now see that it just became a ritual to start drinking. Other than the first couple of weeks, I haven’t really missed it. The other half keeps asking if I’m having a drink with her but I’m just not feeling the need.

It will be more difficult when the pubs open and I’m able to catchup with friends, although at that point I may just decide to only drink when I go out occasionally.. or may just continue to not drink.. who knows! .

I think I’m probably in the mindset that I should miss it but I’m not... if that makes sense.

I completely agree that drinking becomes a habit. I feel in the UK that we're pre-programmed that once we get to a certain age we must go out and get drunk every weekend. I've done it myself. It's not until I got older that I've seen alcohol for what it is.

In my mid thirties I was noticing the detrimental effects of alcohol. I woke up one day with a bad hangover and thought how long can I keep doing this? Am I doing long term damage? I decided to take what I thought would be a short break from alcohol. I found it a lot easier than I'd imagined. It has now been over 7 years and I don't miss it at all.

If you do go out with friends try staying sober. I did this and it was an eye opener. You don't realise how stupid people act when they're drunk. I found myself thinking "Has that been me for the last 15 years?"

Best of luck

[RMDB9]

Pjburley said:

I feel in the UK that we're pre-programmed that once we get to a certain age we must go out and get drunk every weekend.

i am not sure whether this is true. Only people who are "pre-programmed" to numb themselves because of "issues" feel the need to get drunk every weekend. I dare to say that there are more people who do NOT get drunk every weekend, and the ones who decide to get drunk try to think so as a n excuse for their addicition.

[Davie_GLA]

RMDB9 said:

i am not sure whether this is true. Only people who are "pre-programmed" to numb themselves because of "issues" feel the need to get drunk every weekend. I dare to say that there are more people who do NOT get drunk every weekend, and the ones who decide to get drunk try to think so as a n excuse for their addicition.

I think 500 miles could have worded it better but what I think he is getting at is there is a culture in the UK to enjoy booze as part of growing up and through adolescence, education etc.

I certainly didn’t start drinking because I wanted to be numb, not in the beginning anyway. In West central Scotland I remember all of our massive family gatherings at some point being given “ a wee taste’. This was of course a way of perhaps sharing the misery now I think about it as an adult.

[RMDB9]

I dont know how to express myself properly; I think that many people drink as they have nothing better to do.

[Davie_GLA]

RMDB9 said:

I dont know how to express myself properly; I think that many people drink as they have nothing better to do.

I’m sure of it. And I think this can be the case no matter your personal circumstance. Rich, poor somewhere in between. There is always a time that one might sit down and think they will have a drink because they can’t be bothered doing anything else.

We could easily fill our time with jobs round the house, gardens, cars and family but I think when you eliminate all of that and still the answer is to start drinking then it’s my own opinion the line between casual or social drinking is well and truly crossed and for many a few drinks is all that’s left to wind down. At least that’s how my story went.

[Bathroom_Security]

Pjburley said:

In my mid thirties I was noticing the detrimental effects of alcohol. I woke up one day with a bad hangover and thought how long can I keep doing this? Am I doing long term damage? I decided to take what I thought would be a short break from alcohol. I found it a lot easier than I'd imagined. It has now been over 7 years and I don't miss it at all.

If you do go out with friends try staying sober. I did this and it was an eye opener. You don't realise how stupid people act when they're drunk. I found myself thinking "Has that been me for the last 15 years?"

Was a real eye opener for me too. Asked my wife after having a meal with a couple of mates who were really pissed slurring and spitting... am i like that when Im drunk? and she said yes

Also wonder what on earth Ive done to myself. I basically drank like a fish from being 25-30 years old, simply because I started drinking to get to sleep while in a shared house I lived in as couldn't deal with the noise, the drinking gradually got worse and worse. Talking 6 bottles of corona a night, or the 3 for five quid tesco beers (typically 8-10 units a night) every night. Maybe a glass of whiskey to finish up to make sure the job got done. Really embarrassing to admit that

Now its been 6 months I recognize that when I actually want a cold beer its usually because Ive had a tiring day at work and want to unwind but I know now I shouldn't have one for that reason. And when its a time I might be OK to sit back and have say one or two ice cold beers, I dont actually want one as I'd sooner stay sober.

[paulguitar]

Bathroom_Security said:

the drinking gradually got worse and worse. Talking 6 bottles of corona a night, or the 3 for five quid tesco beers (typically 8-10 units a night) every night. Maybe a glass of whiskey to finish up

Bloody hell, that's what I have whilst I am waiting for dinner to arrive!

I am sticking to only two nights per week now though, so some good progress there.

[RMDB9]

Bathroom_Security said:

I basically drank like a fish from being 25-30 years old, simply because I started drinking to get to sleep while in a shared house I lived in as couldn't deal with the noise, the drinking gradually got worse and worse. Talking 6 bottles of corona a night, or the 3 for five quid tesco beers (typically 8-10 units a night) every night. Maybe a glass of whiskey to finish up to make sure the job got done. Really embarrassing to admit that.

Nothing embarrassing about admitting that. Now, it would become really interesting it you would ask yourself:

- why did I not move into another house?
- Why did I not chose any other way to deal with the noise?
- was it about the noise...or something else?

It is only embarassing when alcohol abusers are trying to justify and/or downplay their patterns, as in "I had a bad day" (then everybody, literally everybody would get drunk after a bad day, if there was no other way of dealing with it).

[Bathroom_Security]

RMDB9 said:

Nothing embarrassing about admitting that. Now, it would become really interesting it you would ask yourself:

- why did I not move into another house?
- Why did I not chose any other way to deal with the noise?
- was it about the noise...or something else?

It is only embarassing when alcohol abusers are trying to justify and/or downplay their patterns, as in "I had a bad day" (then everybody, literally everybody would get drunk after a bad day, if there was no other way of dealing with it).

Was there 6 months before I moved, I had words with the person that caused me sleepless nights but didn't make a whole lot of difference, I came close to attacking him. Saner heads and all that. I'm able to fall asleep easily but get woken up by a mouse farting, this kid used to sit up all night laughing to himself on his computer, slamming doors on his way to make a pizza at 4am etc. Was easy to sip down a few beers to numb me off to sleep but I built up tolerances.

Not downplaying anything, but I went from not needing or wanting to ever drink outside of being out in clubs with friends to drinking like a fish in the space of a month.

[Davie_GLA]

RMDB9 said:

Nothing embarrassing about admitting that. Now, it would become really interesting it you would ask yourself:

- why did I not move into another house?
- Why did I not chose any other way to deal with the noise?
- was it about the noise...or something else?

It is only embarassing when alcohol abusers are trying to justify and/or downplay their patterns, as in "I had a bad day" (then everybody, literally everybody would get drunk after a bad day, if there was no other way of dealing with it).

Apologies if I’ve missed it RDM, but your style of posting is quite refreshing in that there seems to be a very rational, logic but black and white solution to everything. It’s a compliment by the way but have you got here by going through stuff yourself?

I ask as I think I’m going the same way in that in retrospect I could have avoided every single problem had I taken the time to try and “play it forward”. I do that now but that’s only because I know the impacts.

My sole reason for drinking the way I did was not being able to sleep. I tried everything from pills, therapy, acupuncture more therapy, more pills etc. I’m the end the docs just said that it’s the way it is and I was in general a highly strung person that doesn’t seem to be able to switch off or leave the stress where it was.

Of course I could have removed all the stress and associated anxiety by changing everything that would include my job, family etc. But in practiv]ce we can;t just rock up to the family and tell them that I’m going to o lock myself in the woods forever cos I can’t sleep while I have a stressful job and family commitments etc.

[RMDB9]

Davie_GLA said:

have you got here by going through stuff yourself?.

Yes.

And C Beck's book was most helpful. He made me realize that as long as one is coming up with excuses, it will be a long way. So it is not "my" style, but what I learned from him.

So, in your case (as an example), if someone cannot sleep and wakes up from the slightest sound, drinking alcohol as a more or less permanent "solution" is most likely pointing towards some underlying issues, not to the noise problem itself.

And in general, I am not a fan of lying to myself. "A few drinks" is never "two", but when in doubt four, and that one which "doesnt count". A

[Davie_GLA]

RMDB9 said:

Yes.

And C Beck's book was most helpful. He made me realize that as long as one is coming up with excuses, it will be a long way. So it is not "my" style, but what I learned from him.

So, in your case (as an example), if someone cannot sleep and wakes up from the slightest sound, drinking alcohol as a more or less permanent "solution" is most likely pointing towards some underlying issues, not to the noise problem itself.

And in general, I am not a fan of lying to myself. "A few drinks" is never "two", but when in doubt four, and that one which "doesnt count". A

Fair enough. Like I said I think it's rational to have a very binary approach to give up forever, not just for the year as there is laws the motivation to do so when you know you'll get right back on it on day 366.

[RMDB9]

Davie_GLA said:

I have almost buckled a few times over the last few weeks - everywhere i look there are BBQs and drinks. All at a socially accepted distance of course.

As summer approaches I'm noticing it more too. I'd often have a beer before, during and after i cut the grass, washed the car, services motorbikes. Almost all things that you probably shouldn't do when wrecked!

2 questions you might want to ask yourself?

- Why are "BBQ" and (alcoholic)"Drinks" necessarily connected? What if you attend a BBQ and drink sparkling water?
- Why did you decide to drink during these generally pleasurable activities?

[Davie_GLA]

RMDB9 said:

2 questions you might want to ask yourself?

- Why are "BBQ" and (alcoholic)"Drinks" necessarily connected? What if you attend a BBQ and drink sparkling water?
- Why did you decide to drink during these generally pleasurable activities?

Time has passed since that was posted and I've attended a few and drank nothing more than soft drinks. The connection with BBQ and Booze has always been there. Certainly in my family and extended circle of friends. They have all been spot on though and there's never any pressure. Whether manning the grill or mingling there has always been booze at every stage.

As to why, and before i was ill then there was no question as to why. I wanted to, plain and simple. it was a great opportunity to see people i may not have seen for ages and sample some very fine wine or whisky (often both) that everyone had collected over a period of time. There was always a bit of a joke that we would be considerably poorer after these events as ultimately we would buy the absolute best quality plonk that we liked.

I regret none of my drinking when i was doing it; I do regret not listening to my body as time went on. What's done is done and there is zero point in dwelling on what has already happened.

[RMDB9]

Sorry, my question was not clear - why did you drink when working on your car, tending to the garden etc.?

[Davie_GLA]

RMDB9 said:

Sorry, my question was not clear - why did you drink when working on your car, tending to the garden etc.?

Because i wanted to. Plain and simple. was never to excess during anything that needed some level of skill or accuracy.

[RMDB9]

OK, let me try again. Why did you want to drink while moving the lawn? Or, as it is not about you as a person, but in general - why do some people drink alcohol while doing some quite ordinary day-time activities?

[Davie_GLA]

RMDB9 said:

OK, let me try again. Why did you want to drink while moving the lawn? Or, as it is not about you as a person, but in general - why do some people drink alcohol while doing some quite ordinary day-time activities?

I'll bow out after this as I'm not sure exactly what you're trying to achieve but this can be answered exactly the same as before. Because they, we, I wanted to. No more, no less. It's not because they think it will help them get the job done or if it's of an evening maybe it is to simply enjoy the taste while winding down.

Same question back to you then - what do you think the answer is to why some people choose to drink while going about their normal activities, chores, projects, whatever.