Depression

[This-isnt-real]

I’m seeing my councillor tomorrow, I’ve fortunately had the foresight to make some notes on my ‘live’ thoughts minute by minute to see if there is a pattern there.

I’m guessing it’s very similar to the previous situation where I was dumped by a girlfriend and something in my head clicks and triggers off an enormous episode.

I had some very dark thoughts last week, and made an emergency appointment to see my councillor. Oddly the day I was seeing her, I was feeling quite a bit better and sat in her office waxing lyrical about how suicide is ridiculous, as I was looking out the window onto a beautiful blue sky and I remember saying to her “imagine wanting to end it all and you’ll never get to see such a beautiful blue sky like that”

I’m happy to answer any questions that anyone has, as I’m quite a good patient to offer my thoughts.

[happychap]

This-isnt-real said:

I’m seeing my councillor tomorrow, I’ve fortunately had the foresight to make some notes on my ‘live’ thoughts minute by minute to see if there is a pattern there.

I’m guessing it’s very similar to the previous situation where I was dumped by a girlfriend and something in my head clicks and triggers off an enormous episode.

I had some very dark thoughts last week, and made an emergency appointment to see my councillor. Oddly the day I was seeing her, I was feeling quite a bit better and sat in her office waxing lyrical about how suicide is ridiculous, as I was looking out the window onto a beautiful blue sky and I remember saying to her “imagine wanting to end it all and you’ll never get to see such a beautiful blue sky like that”

I’m happy to answer any questions that anyone has, as I’m quite a good patient to offer my thoughts.

How long have you accessed therapy, is it provided by NHS or private.

[happychap]

This-isnt-real said:

I’m seeing my councillor tomorrow, I’ve fortunately had the foresight to make some notes on my ‘live’ thoughts minute by minute to see if there is a pattern there.

I’m guessing it’s very similar to the previous situation where I was dumped by a girlfriend and something in my head clicks and triggers off an enormous episode.

I had some very dark thoughts last week, and made an emergency appointment to see my councillor. Oddly the day I was seeing her, I was feeling quite a bit better and sat in her office waxing lyrical about how suicide is ridiculous, as I was looking out the window onto a beautiful blue sky and I remember saying to her “imagine wanting to end it all and you’ll never get to see such a beautiful blue sky like that”

I’m happy to answer any questions that anyone has, as I’m quite a good patient to offer my thoughts.

How long have you accessed therapy, is it provided by NHS or private.

[This-isnt-real]

Roughly four months now. I go once a week, sometimes two if I’m having a bad spell,

I went privately as I had a very bad episode and want to be seen the very next day. I couldn’t risk waiting for a doctors appointment and then the inevitable wait to be seen by the NHS.

[happychap]

This-isnt-real said:

Roughly four months now. I go once a week, sometimes two if I’m having a bad spell,

I went privately as I had a very bad episode and want to be seen the very next day. I couldn’t risk waiting for a doctors appointment and then the inevitable wait to be seen by the NHS.

I’m curious as to how the therapy has impacted on your day to day management of the condition.

[This-isnt-real]

happychap said:

I’m curious as to how the therapy has impacted on your day to day management of the condition.

To be honest, it gives me some small help and I take onboard on what some of what I am being told. The main things I need to do are learning to create a gap between my dark thoughts and actually doing something stupid, Something just to bring you back into the real world, it can be something as simple as finding 5 things to -

Smell
Touch
Taste

The idea is that the 15 things you would of experienced with your senses will bring you back to reality and away from, let’s face it something that is competley unnatural to human instinct.

[happychap]

This-isnt-real said:

To be honest, it gives me some small help and I take onboard on what some of what I am being told. The main things I need to do are learning to create a gap between my dark thoughts and actually doing something stupid, Something just to bring you back into the real world, it can be something as simple as finding 5 things to -

Smell
Touch
Taste

The idea is that the 15 things you would of experienced with your senses will bring you back to reality and away from, let’s face it something that is competley unnatural to human instinct.

Are those dark thoughts in your awareness on a day to day basis, and if so are they prevalent or in the back ground.

[Potatoes]

happychap said:

This-isnt-real said:

Roughly four months now. I go once a week, sometimes two if I’m having a bad spell,

I went privately as I had a very bad episode and want to be seen the very next day. I couldn’t risk waiting for a doctors appointment and then the inevitable wait to be seen by the NHS.

I’m curious as to how the therapy has impacted on your day to day management of the condition.

Similar experience to me, the NHS was not responsive enough at all, it's not yet set up to deal with mental health effectively.

Ended up spending a lot of money that I didn't have at the time.

For me, it opened my eyes to my tigers and the counsellor first off gave me some tools to deal with my day to day which was super helpful. We then spent a lot of time delving into why I was angry/sad and sat there talking to her. It didn't impact my job, I managed to leave early once a week and make up the time elsewhere and was able to practice the tools in interactions with colleagues. Everyone's situation is different though, I was lucky mine was what it was.

[half_throttle]

I haven't posted on this thread for a while but I do read it regularly. It's helpful and interesting to read about other people's experiences.

I had a bit of a wobble about 6 weeks ago and got signed off for a few weeks. Sertraline dose also got upped from 100mg to 200mg. I've been working part time for all of 2017 and been fortunate enough that I'm still earning enough to cover the bills and have some spending money.

Reading about the Bipolar type 2 a couple of pages back was interesting. Probably worth speaking to my GP about. Some days I feel 'fine' and am looking forward to the future. Other days I'm overwhelmed with negative thoughts and feel like there's nothing to look forward to.

Over the past 12 months I have been trying to find a new job on and off. My mental state and lack of confidence has definitely affected some of my phone interviews. One of the rejections in particular was a bit of a blow - I had a phone interview and put a lot of effort in to doing a face to face presentation. I've got a couple of applications in progress at the moment but I can't seem to help worrying about not being able to cope in a new job and/or slipping back into the pit of depression after the rosy new environment bit has passed.

I keep wondering whether working in software is right for me. I've had some good achievements in the past. At the moment I feel quite isolated at work and like I'm not getting the support I need. I also find it very difficult to ask for help/support because I feel like I shouldn't need to be asking. Tasks at work also regularly seem really complicated and overwhelming. When I'm at work my mind constantly wanders and I find it really hard to concentrate.

I think this has helped to write some thoughts down. Normally I don't talk about what's going on in my head to people at work or friends/family. Thanks for reading.

[half_throttle]

xjay1337 said:

Sounds like a nightmare
But at least your mood is better now , even if it's slightly?

I'd be interested to hear how you find counselling compared to the CBT.
I signed up to the online CBT, as I think that would be better for me rather than face to face or phone - so starting that soon.

After my bad experiences with Sertraline, I had another appt yesterday and I'm now on Prozac, round the houses we go.

Thanks for replying xjay. How's the Prozac going? I have thought about switching but last time I tried switching medication it made me feel dizzy and my mood deteriorated. I'm on Sertraline at the moment and have previously been on Citalopram.

I think I found the counselling better but that was earlier this year while I was working part time whereas my CBT was about a year ago and I was working full time. I also felt more comfortable with the person I saw for counselling than for the person for CBT. I think a lot really depends on the patient/therapist relationship.

[This-isnt-real]

happychap said:

Are those dark thoughts in your awareness on a day to day basis, and if so are they prevalent or in the back ground.

Evening, sorry for the delay in replying. As I have joined as a new member I had been locked out of the forums for a few hours.

In answer to your question, yes. When I am busy they are pushed to the back but when I get home and shut the door they come to the fore.

[happychap]

This-isnt-real said:

Evening, sorry for the delay in replying. As I have joined as a new member I had been locked out of the forums for a few hours.

In answer to your question, yes. When I am busy they are pushed to the back but when I get home and shut the door they come to the fore.

This will sound simplistic but when they at the fore, how much attention do you give them and what stops you giving them the attention. How did your session go today.

[Shaw Tarse]

This-isnt-real can you post now?

[This-isnt-real]

Shaw Tarse said:

This-isnt-real can you post now?

Yes I can, thank you so very much.

Sorry everyone I got locked out again.

[This-isnt-real]

happychap said:

This will sound simplistic but when they at the fore, how much attention do you give them and what stops you giving them the attention. How did your session go today.

They are very difficult to ignore, to explain it best is that it’s you constantly have two voices in your head. One is the ‘youll be okay buddy’ voice and the other is the ‘you will be like this forever, pain is too much so end it all now’.

As depression deepens, the darker voice is much louder and silences the other, and when you can’t hear the good voice at all is when hell breaks loose in your head.

[This-isnt-real]

happychap said:

This will sound simplistic but when they at the fore, how much attention do you give them and what stops you giving them the attention. How did your session go today.

Sorry to add, session was a good one. I am a great believer in understanding the condition to deal with it. I think (pray) that we had a Eureka moment yesterday that gives some insight to what triggers it in at least one of my trigger points.

[xjay1337]

half_throttle said:

Thanks for replying xjay. How's the Prozac going? I have thought about switching but last time I tried switching medication it made me feel dizzy and my mood deteriorated. I'm on Sertraline at the moment and have previously been on Citalopram.

I think I found the counselling better but that was earlier this year while I was working part time whereas my CBT was about a year ago and I was working full time. I also felt more comfortable with the person I saw for counselling than for the person for CBT. I think a lot really depends on the patient/therapist relationship.

I find the Prozac the best for me personally so far.

I was on Amitriptaline (or something) first , then citalopram (good but made the willy not work properly) and then setraline which made me mental.
prozac the only side effect i have is vivid dreams. Not bad thing really as i never used to dream much lately but did when i was younger. i say vivid and not bad as sometimes they are not bad but have woken the mrs up once or twice by being in a nightmare.

like you say i guess it depends on the relationship with your therapist.
i'm finding cbt a struggle at the minute they want me to fill in every hour of my day with certain goals etc , just find it stresses me out trying to remember to do it etc.

[227bhp]

xjay1337 said:

I find the Prozac the best for me personally so far.

I was on Amitriptaline (or something) first , then citalopram (good but made the willy not work properly) and then setraline which made me mental.
prozac the only side effect i have is vivid dreams. Not bad thing really as i never used to dream much lately but did when i was younger. i say vivid and not bad as sometimes they are not bad but have woken the mrs up once or twice by being in a nightmare.

like you say i guess it depends on the relationship with your therapist.
i'm finding cbt a struggle at the minute they want me to fill in every hour of my day with certain goals etc , just find it stresses me out trying to remember to do it etc.

Not directed at you, but just generally:

Amitriptaline is good if you have a sleeping problem too, take it sometime before bed and off you go (have a drink and it'll knock you out if you haven't yet built up a resistance to it).

If Citalopram gives you Mr Floppy then Viagra can be the answer, if you still have the urge that is, as it can take that away too. It depends on your own circumstances of course.

You can also take two different types of AD, one in the morning and a different one at night.

I wish I could remember which one they put me on that made me hungry all the time, I couldn't fasten my kegs up after a month or so on that!

[Joey Ramone]

Mirtazapine?

[227bhp]

Yes it could have been.