Discussion
After quite a good upbeat day on Tuesday I thought I was climbing out of the metaphorical pit of despair. But alas I found yesterday I slipped back a few steps, not quite as bad as what I’ll call from now on as ‘day hell’ but I was very aware I wasnt too far from it again.
I had session today with councillor and they have suggested that I avoid prolonged periods of being being alone for the time being, just to keep my mind active more than anything, as it appears that the days I used to embrace when I was ‘better’ of laying on the sofa and doing nothing aren’t the right thing for me to do at the moment.
If anyone needs their house painting, gardening doing, car washing do just ask. Anything g to keep busy (joke btw)
I had session today with councillor and they have suggested that I avoid prolonged periods of being being alone for the time being, just to keep my mind active more than anything, as it appears that the days I used to embrace when I was ‘better’ of laying on the sofa and doing nothing aren’t the right thing for me to do at the moment.
If anyone needs their house painting, gardening doing, car washing do just ask. Anything g to keep busy (joke btw)
That'll be the one, aside from a free membership to the fat-boy club it does seem to be effective with little of the side effects of horrible citalopram. It isn't a SSRI but a SNRI(?) and works on different brain chemistry. You'll have no problem sleeping with that one, just getting going in the morning... 
Just my two-penneth...
I was on sertraline. Main points of note - it worked for my depression. It took the edge off the depth of lows, but with the consequence of also lowering highs. It kind of numbed all my emotions. I just felt ‘meh’ everyday. Couldn’t get excited about anything (even felt ambivalent about seeing my kids
) didn’t feel particularly happy, but also didn’t feel extreme lows, sadness, and notably, also lost all emphathy for other people’s situations.
In the willy dept, quite unexpected results. Made him harder than I’ve ever experienced, proper throbber! Libido was fine... but... very very difficult to climax. My missus at the time equally loved it, and found it quite frustrating
Weight - this was the biggest thing. I’ve always been a slim fella. All my adult life I’ve hovered around 10st 6. In my darkest months I got down to 9st 8 through lack of eating. I looked bloody awful. Sertraline didn’t affect this at all, until I came off it. I then started putting on about 3lbs a week
I ballooned upto 13st 2 which was all on the front and gave me a man belly. I’ve managed to work this down now to 12st 2 and am fairly happy.
Overall, sertraline did what I needed it to do. It gave me a crutch for the period in which I needed it. However due to the numbing of emotions, I don’t think I’d want to be on it for life. I was on it for 14 months, and feel I lost 14 months of my life. That said, without it there’s a real possibility I wouldn’t be here.
I was on sertraline. Main points of note - it worked for my depression. It took the edge off the depth of lows, but with the consequence of also lowering highs. It kind of numbed all my emotions. I just felt ‘meh’ everyday. Couldn’t get excited about anything (even felt ambivalent about seeing my kids
) didn’t feel particularly happy, but also didn’t feel extreme lows, sadness, and notably, also lost all emphathy for other people’s situations. In the willy dept, quite unexpected results. Made him harder than I’ve ever experienced, proper throbber! Libido was fine... but... very very difficult to climax. My missus at the time equally loved it, and found it quite frustrating
Weight - this was the biggest thing. I’ve always been a slim fella. All my adult life I’ve hovered around 10st 6. In my darkest months I got down to 9st 8 through lack of eating. I looked bloody awful. Sertraline didn’t affect this at all, until I came off it. I then started putting on about 3lbs a week
I ballooned upto 13st 2 which was all on the front and gave me a man belly. I’ve managed to work this down now to 12st 2 and am fairly happy.Overall, sertraline did what I needed it to do. It gave me a crutch for the period in which I needed it. However due to the numbing of emotions, I don’t think I’d want to be on it for life. I was on it for 14 months, and feel I lost 14 months of my life. That said, without it there’s a real possibility I wouldn’t be here.
Edited by wiliferus on Friday 8th December 06:51
227bhp said:
I do wonder sometimes if what we are saying are side effects of medication are actually (to whatever degree) the effects of the depression, blunting of emotions, lack of libido etc....
I'm not sure if it's related or not but I forgot to get my repeat prescription for Prozac so ran out. I took a citalopram I have as a replacement.(I have a few strips of sertraline and citalopram left) .
I take my meds at night , for better or for worse this seems to be better for me.
The next night it came down to it with the Mrs and I really struggled to get it up. I never normally have any issues. When I was on citalopram I did find it harder to maintain and it would also go on it's own accord much faster.
Haven't found that since going onto Prozac, it took a day or two before full functionality came back shall we say!
wiliferus said:
Just my two-penneth...
I was on sertraline. Main points of note - it worked for my depression. It took the edge off the depth of lows, but with the consequence of also lowering highs. It kind of numbed all my emotions. I just felt ‘meh’ everyday. Couldn’t get excited about anything (even felt ambivalent about seeing my kids ) didn’t feel particularly happy, but also didn’t feel extreme lows, sadness, and notably, also lost all emphathy for other people’s situations.
That does sound particularly sad I was on sertraline. Main points of note - it worked for my depression. It took the edge off the depth of lows, but with the consequence of also lowering highs. It kind of numbed all my emotions. I just felt ‘meh’ everyday. Couldn’t get excited about anything (even felt ambivalent about seeing my kids
) didn’t feel particularly happy, but also didn’t feel extreme lows, sadness, and notably, also lost all emphathy for other people’s situations. But if it helps I can relate entirely. You just feel numbed in general. It's a very hard balancing act I guess.
I would update for anyone considering CBT face to face. I've had 9 sessions now.
Some of it was useful. For example I have massive issues getting out of bed in the morning. Luckily I work from home so it's not too much of a problem.
To help this we set goals where some days in the week I had a schedule so getting up at 8am, taking the dog out etc. For me that did help somewhat.
And understanding motivation follows action (for me) and some other bits about the behavior cycles.
But I feel as if we are just checking boxes overall.
I don't feel any better within myself , I still feel very blase about everything and struggle to find joy in things I used to enjoy.
According to my therapist, who is perfectly nice enough, my scores have come down from severe to borderline mild/healthy in depression and similar for my anxiety scores.
She showed me a chart and indeed that does appear to be the case.
But if I feel like it, I will be damned. Cos I feel just as crappy day to day as I have before.
I also feel that there is no accommodation for individual preferences.
For example, I don't like parties, drunk people, loud crowded environments such as bars, clubs or large gatherings (eg office parties, big social events even with family).
For as long as I can remember I have been like this and I'm generally quite introverted anyway.
I'm not sure if it's normal or not, but I am made to feel bad about preferring that. I don't think any amount of therapy would change my social preferences and I sort of feel that that element of it is not being understood, or if it is, they are trying to change you.
It was compared to overcoming a fear of spiders. Ok, fine, but even if I didn't feel anxious in those environments I still wouldn't want to be there, if that makes sense??
Oh well. One final session next week and that'll be that. Someone else can have the space and hopefully it will be useful to them.
Some of it was useful. For example I have massive issues getting out of bed in the morning. Luckily I work from home so it's not too much of a problem.
To help this we set goals where some days in the week I had a schedule so getting up at 8am, taking the dog out etc. For me that did help somewhat.
And understanding motivation follows action (for me) and some other bits about the behavior cycles.
But I feel as if we are just checking boxes overall.
I don't feel any better within myself , I still feel very blase about everything and struggle to find joy in things I used to enjoy.
According to my therapist, who is perfectly nice enough, my scores have come down from severe to borderline mild/healthy in depression and similar for my anxiety scores.
She showed me a chart and indeed that does appear to be the case.
But if I feel like it, I will be damned. Cos I feel just as crappy day to day as I have before.
I also feel that there is no accommodation for individual preferences.
For example, I don't like parties, drunk people, loud crowded environments such as bars, clubs or large gatherings (eg office parties, big social events even with family).
For as long as I can remember I have been like this and I'm generally quite introverted anyway.
I'm not sure if it's normal or not, but I am made to feel bad about preferring that. I don't think any amount of therapy would change my social preferences and I sort of feel that that element of it is not being understood, or if it is, they are trying to change you.
It was compared to overcoming a fear of spiders. Ok, fine, but even if I didn't feel anxious in those environments I still wouldn't want to be there, if that makes sense??
Oh well. One final session next week and that'll be that. Someone else can have the space and hopefully it will be useful to them.
To offer thoughts further to xjay:
Today I've had my first CBT. My head not being well has been too long ongoing, and in recent months has become quite severe.
Historically the root of it was over a two year period 2007-9. Lost a close friend in a car accident. Multiple IT sales jobs lost one after the other, sales opportunities dried up, thanks to the banking crash. In turn financial pressure, income halved, mortgage falling behind. Skin Cancer. A violent ex girlfriend. 'It's fine' . 'It's fine'. It's anything but fine, nervous breakdown.
In recent years (before 2017) depression has been low, anxiety moderate. This year I've been finding things increasingly difficult.
The last month has been really tough. Not feeling any joy in anything, short fuse, even shorter memory. Feeling hopeless and withdrawn. Bad enough that I have been showing all behaviour of having had a nervous breakdown. Cancelled my work diary for December, give myself the focus needed to mend.
CBT intro today, she was really good. After the assessment she agreed with my diagnosis, that my mental health is approximately 50% worse than 4 months ago, and borderline severe. She also said that she doesn't often see so much of a s
t show come at once, like my 'luck' 10 odd years ago, and that she's seen any one of the numerous events inflicted on others tip them over!
Some really useful explanations about mental illness, its cycles, and how it spirals. Helping me understand it, and make plans to address it and deal with it.
Appointed for a weeks time to progress, and feeling like I'm making progress.
She's also going to refer me to a sleep clinic, as this (insomnia) is part of the web which needs clearing!
Today I've had my first CBT. My head not being well has been too long ongoing, and in recent months has become quite severe.
Historically the root of it was over a two year period 2007-9. Lost a close friend in a car accident. Multiple IT sales jobs lost one after the other, sales opportunities dried up, thanks to the banking crash. In turn financial pressure, income halved, mortgage falling behind. Skin Cancer. A violent ex girlfriend. 'It's fine' . 'It's fine'. It's anything but fine, nervous breakdown.
In recent years (before 2017) depression has been low, anxiety moderate. This year I've been finding things increasingly difficult.
The last month has been really tough. Not feeling any joy in anything, short fuse, even shorter memory. Feeling hopeless and withdrawn. Bad enough that I have been showing all behaviour of having had a nervous breakdown. Cancelled my work diary for December, give myself the focus needed to mend.
CBT intro today, she was really good. After the assessment she agreed with my diagnosis, that my mental health is approximately 50% worse than 4 months ago, and borderline severe. She also said that she doesn't often see so much of a s
t show come at once, like my 'luck' 10 odd years ago, and that she's seen any one of the numerous events inflicted on others tip them over! Some really useful explanations about mental illness, its cycles, and how it spirals. Helping me understand it, and make plans to address it and deal with it.
Appointed for a weeks time to progress, and feeling like I'm making progress.
She's also going to refer me to a sleep clinic, as this (insomnia) is part of the web which needs clearing!
Edited by Fermit The Krog and Sexy Sarah on Friday 8th December 17:57
Fermit The Krog and Sexy Sarah said:
To offer thoughts further to xjay:
Today I've had my first CBT. My head not being well has been too long ongoing, and in recent months has become quite severe.
Historically the root of it was over a two year period 2007-9. Lost a close friend in a car accident. Multiple IT sales jobs lost one after the other, sales opportunities dried up, thanks to the banking crash. In turn financial pressure, income halved, mortgage falling behind. Skin Cancer. A violent ex girlfriend. 'It's fine' . 'It's fine'. It's anything but fine, nervous breakdown.
In recent years (before 2017) depression has been low, anxiety moderate. This year I've been finding things increasingly difficult.
The last month has been really tough. Not feeling any joy in anything, short fuse, even shorter memory. Feeling hopeless and withdrawn. Bad enough that I have been showing all behaviour of having had a nervous breakdown. Cancelled my work diary for December, give myself the focus needed to mend.
CBT intro today, she was really good. After the assessment she agreed with my diagnosis, that my mental health is approximately 50% worse than 4 months ago, and borderline severe. She also said that she doesn't often see so much of a st show come at once, like my 'luck' 10 odd years ago, and that she's seen any one of the numerous events inflicted on others tip them over!
Some really useful explanations about mental illness, its cycles, and how it spirals. Helping me understand it, and make plans to address it and deal with it.
Appointed for a weeks time to progress, and feeling like I'm making progress.
She's also going to refer me to a sleep clinic, as this (insomnia) is part of the web which needs clearing!
I agree that understanding why and what is happening really does help.Today I've had my first CBT. My head not being well has been too long ongoing, and in recent months has become quite severe.
Historically the root of it was over a two year period 2007-9. Lost a close friend in a car accident. Multiple IT sales jobs lost one after the other, sales opportunities dried up, thanks to the banking crash. In turn financial pressure, income halved, mortgage falling behind. Skin Cancer. A violent ex girlfriend. 'It's fine' . 'It's fine'. It's anything but fine, nervous breakdown.
In recent years (before 2017) depression has been low, anxiety moderate. This year I've been finding things increasingly difficult.
The last month has been really tough. Not feeling any joy in anything, short fuse, even shorter memory. Feeling hopeless and withdrawn. Bad enough that I have been showing all behaviour of having had a nervous breakdown. Cancelled my work diary for December, give myself the focus needed to mend.
CBT intro today, she was really good. After the assessment she agreed with my diagnosis, that my mental health is approximately 50% worse than 4 months ago, and borderline severe. She also said that she doesn't often see so much of a s
t show come at once, like my 'luck' 10 odd years ago, and that she's seen any one of the numerous events inflicted on others tip them over! Some really useful explanations about mental illness, its cycles, and how it spirals. Helping me understand it, and make plans to address it and deal with it.
Appointed for a weeks time to progress, and feeling like I'm making progress.
She's also going to refer me to a sleep clinic, as this (insomnia) is part of the web which needs clearing!
Edited by Fermit The Krog and Sexy Sarah on Friday 8th December 17:57
Hence my user name.
Everyone gets down periods in their lives, but with depression the lows are at an estimate from experience about twice as bad as those without.
As long as you can understand that the sadness you are feeling isn’t necessarily real you can manage it better.
Fermit The Krog and Sexy Sarah said:
Some really useful explanations about mental illness, its cycles, and how it spirals. Helping me understand it, and make plans to address it and deal with it.
Appointed for a weeks time to progress, and feeling like I'm making progress.
She's also going to refer me to a sleep clinic, as this (insomnia) is part of the web which needs clearing!
Hopefully it works well for you mate. I did find it helped more than hindered. For me 6 sessions were enough to get what I personally needed..Appointed for a weeks time to progress, and feeling like I'm making progress.
She's also going to refer me to a sleep clinic, as this (insomnia) is part of the web which needs clearing!
Edited by Fermit The Krog and Sexy Sarah on Friday 8th December 17:57
I hope your sleeping gets better as that can really put a downer on the whole day.
xjay1337 said:
Fermit The Krog and Sexy Sarah said:
Some really useful explanations about mental illness, its cycles, and how it spirals. Helping me understand it, and make plans to address it and deal with it.
Appointed for a weeks time to progress, and feeling like I'm making progress.
She's also going to refer me to a sleep clinic, as this (insomnia) is part of the web which needs clearing!
Hopefully it works well for you mate. I did find it helped more than hindered. For me 6 sessions were enough to get what I personally needed..Appointed for a weeks time to progress, and feeling like I'm making progress.
She's also going to refer me to a sleep clinic, as this (insomnia) is part of the web which needs clearing!
Edited by Fermit The Krog and Sexy Sarah on Friday 8th December 17:57
I hope your sleeping gets better as that can really put a downer on the whole day.
wiliferus said:
Just my two-penneth...
I was on sertraline. Main points of note - it worked for my depression. It took the edge off the depth of lows, but with the consequence of also lowering highs. It kind of numbed all my emotions. I just felt ‘meh’ everyday. Couldn’t get excited about anything (even felt ambivalent about seeing my kids ) didn’t feel particularly happy, but also didn’t feel extreme lows, sadness, and notably, also lost all emphathy for other people’s situations.
In the willy dept, quite unexpected results. Made him harder than I’ve ever experienced, proper throbber! Libido was fine... but... very very difficult to climax. My missus at the time equally loved it, and found it quite frustrating
Weight - this was the biggest thing. I’ve always been a slim fella. All my adult life I’ve hovered around 10st 6. In my darkest months I got down to 9st 8 through lack of eating. I looked bloody awful. Sertraline didn’t affect this at all, until I came off it. I then started putting on about 3lbs a week I ballooned upto 13st 2 which was all on the front and gave me a man belly. I’ve managed to work this down now to 12st 2 and am fairly happy.
Overall, sertraline did what I needed it to do. It gave me a crutch for the period in which I needed it. However due to the numbing of emotions, I don’t think I’d want to be on it for life. I was on it for 14 months, and feel I lost 14 months of my life. That said, without it there’s a real possibility I wouldn’t be here.
Summed up perfectly. Numbs me to highs and lows. Worth noting I discussed going from 100mg to 200mg with my GP who is a specialist in mental health and he said said the side effects would be more pronounced with little benefit.I was on sertraline. Main points of note - it worked for my depression. It took the edge off the depth of lows, but with the consequence of also lowering highs. It kind of numbed all my emotions. I just felt ‘meh’ everyday. Couldn’t get excited about anything (even felt ambivalent about seeing my kids
) didn’t feel particularly happy, but also didn’t feel extreme lows, sadness, and notably, also lost all emphathy for other people’s situations. In the willy dept, quite unexpected results. Made him harder than I’ve ever experienced, proper throbber! Libido was fine... but... very very difficult to climax. My missus at the time equally loved it, and found it quite frustrating
Weight - this was the biggest thing. I’ve always been a slim fella. All my adult life I’ve hovered around 10st 6. In my darkest months I got down to 9st 8 through lack of eating. I looked bloody awful. Sertraline didn’t affect this at all, until I came off it. I then started putting on about 3lbs a week
I ballooned upto 13st 2 which was all on the front and gave me a man belly. I’ve managed to work this down now to 12st 2 and am fairly happy.Overall, sertraline did what I needed it to do. It gave me a crutch for the period in which I needed it. However due to the numbing of emotions, I don’t think I’d want to be on it for life. I was on it for 14 months, and feel I lost 14 months of my life. That said, without it there’s a real possibility I wouldn’t be here.
Edited by wiliferus on Friday 8th December 06:51
As an update, I’ve passed through the worst of it. Which proves it is just a dip that you have to pass through.
But I am determined that when and if it happens again I am better prepared and am continuing my CBT and now some hypnotherapy (just through curiosity more than anything else)
Has anyone else used hypnosis?
But I am determined that when and if it happens again I am better prepared and am continuing my CBT and now some hypnotherapy (just through curiosity more than anything else)
Has anyone else used hypnosis?
This-isnt-real said:
As an update, I’ve passed through the worst of it. Which proves it is just a dip that you have to pass through.
But I am determined that when and if it happens again I am better prepared and am continuing my CBT and now some hypnotherapy (just through curiosity more than anything else)
Has anyone else used hypnosis?
To give up smoking yes, and for that at least, it helped.But I am determined that when and if it happens again I am better prepared and am continuing my CBT and now some hypnotherapy (just through curiosity more than anything else)
Has anyone else used hypnosis?
Bump.
In a slightly bad patch at the moment, I’ll soldier on through I’m sure but it’s not fun.
I’ve had two sessions of hypnosis so far, apparently you need about 10 for them to make a difference.
It’s a very odd sensation, and nothing like I’ve experienced before.
The mind is an amazing piece of kit!
In a slightly bad patch at the moment, I’ll soldier on through I’m sure but it’s not fun.
I’ve had two sessions of hypnosis so far, apparently you need about 10 for them to make a difference.
It’s a very odd sensation, and nothing like I’ve experienced before.
The mind is an amazing piece of kit!
227bhp said:
Come on then tell us about it, or is it beyond words? 
No not at all.Easiest way to explain it, is imagine your sitting engrossed in something like reading a magazine or watching TV and someone asks you if you would like a cup of tea. You don’t lose concentration on the TV but you auto pilot answer their question without thinking too much about it.
For those of you who don't want to get on anti-depressants or struggle with unwanted side effects, I thought I would share details of a couple of supplements I've used which I have found helpful. Most AD's work by boosting the levels of serotonin (the "happy" neurotransmitter the brain produces when we do stuff that makes us feel good, like laughing for example). They mostly working by blocking receptors in the brain which bind with serotonin, thus increasing the amount of serotonin in the brain. Hence they are known as selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors (SSRI's).
Rather than using AD's, which block these receptors chemically, you can also increase these levels by getting your body to produce more serotonin in the first place. Serotonin is produced by converting the amino acid Tryptophan (which we get from our diet) firstly into 5-hydroxytryptophan (5-HTP), and then into serotonin. 5-HTP is a readily available supplement you can buy, and I have used it to improve my symptoms of depression.
Boosting your serotonin levels can lead to a decrease in dopamine levels, so I also take a supplement to increase dopamine levels as well. Dopamine is produced from another amino acid, L-Tyrosine, which is another readily available supplement. Dopamine is the "reward" neurotransmitter the body produces when we do things we find pleasurable, such as eating, drinking, sex, smoking etc (hence why many people with depression, "self medicate" with these activities which have their own adverse effects).
These are the 2 supplements I use, and I do find a subtle but noticeable improvement after about 3-4 weeks of taking 100mg of 5-HTP and 1000mg of L-tyrosine daily
http://www.hollandandbarrett.com/shop/product/holl...
http://www.hollandandbarrett.com/shop/product/holl...
Just thought I would share my experience as I know anti-depressants aren't for everyone
Rather than using AD's, which block these receptors chemically, you can also increase these levels by getting your body to produce more serotonin in the first place. Serotonin is produced by converting the amino acid Tryptophan (which we get from our diet) firstly into 5-hydroxytryptophan (5-HTP), and then into serotonin. 5-HTP is a readily available supplement you can buy, and I have used it to improve my symptoms of depression.
Boosting your serotonin levels can lead to a decrease in dopamine levels, so I also take a supplement to increase dopamine levels as well. Dopamine is produced from another amino acid, L-Tyrosine, which is another readily available supplement. Dopamine is the "reward" neurotransmitter the body produces when we do things we find pleasurable, such as eating, drinking, sex, smoking etc (hence why many people with depression, "self medicate" with these activities which have their own adverse effects).
These are the 2 supplements I use, and I do find a subtle but noticeable improvement after about 3-4 weeks of taking 100mg of 5-HTP and 1000mg of L-tyrosine daily
http://www.hollandandbarrett.com/shop/product/holl...
http://www.hollandandbarrett.com/shop/product/holl...
Just thought I would share my experience as I know anti-depressants aren't for everyone
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