Discussion
FocusRS3 said:
What meds do you use ?
They have never really agreed with me
I’ve got spinal problems, nerve damage & psoriatic arthritis. Full spread of pain meds, methotrexate & sulpasalzine. BP tablets, propanol. Can’t recall what happy table I’m on.They have never really agreed with me
My wife does them in boxes for me. Minimum 25 every day plus 10 x methotrexate on a Tuesday night.
The physical issues affect mental well being.
Squadrone Rosso said:
I’ve got spinal problems, nerve damage & psoriatic arthritis. Full spread of pain meds, methotrexate & sulpasalzine. BP tablets, propanol. Can’t recall what happy table I’m on.
My wife does them in boxes for me. Minimum 25 every day plus 10 x methotrexate on a Tuesday night.
The physical issues affect mental well being.
Wow that’s a lot and I can see why they affect you mentally too. My wife does them in boxes for me. Minimum 25 every day plus 10 x methotrexate on a Tuesday night.
The physical issues affect mental well being.
I had a trial with some light meds prescribed by the doctor but they made me feel incredibly sick so I’m now scared of taking any.
I find myself dealing with one day at a time and trying to think forthef ahead not letting (when possible) the current woes bother me but it’s never easy .
Life always seems to get more stressful never easier.
No matter what people tell me I generally find it impossible to switch off.
Fortunately I have a hugely supportive wife who picks me up and dusts me off.
I have a happy place I generally escape to at weekends which also is a help but I know things have to change for the long term.
I’ve not found meditation much help either so it’s a constant battle .
As previously mentioned I’m hoping and praying that there is some light at the end of his tunnel I’m in.
Hi All,
I've always read this thread and on occasion have tried to help by adding where I can, but I really need help at the moment due to one incident and really struggling to cope.....
Lately I been doing very well, managed to get my head together and got myself a new job etc...then suddenly boom, one incident and I just feel like handing the towel in and just want to stay in bed. The thoughts are all bad but just trying to keep a lid on things.
I went out over the weekend with a few close friends as couples....cut a very long story short I was walking my wife home along with a friends wife, next thing I know the husband of the wife we were walking home came flying up taking his jacket off, in my face, even in my wife's face being threatening/intimidating. I just stood there in complete disbelief was not scared just completely shocked, he even accused me of hiding behind my wife. Anyway, luckily his friend had chased him and stopped things before they got completely out of hand. (No one knows why he did this but I know none of us upset him)
The next day he tried to call me to apologise but I did not answer, he even text me as wanted to apologise in person but I just can't deal with seeing him. I know this is probably wrong of me and most people would just move on but I can't get the images of that night out of my head. I have a real issue with farenss and looking at things through my eyes and expecting people to never do such things as I never would or never have.
As you can tell I am having issues dealing with it all. The images and thoughts are in my head from the minute I wake up to the moment I go to bed. We are very close with this couple, kids play together/dinner together etc and I've known the lad on and off for best part of half my life. I have a habit of ruminating over things for ages and have been told by a professional that I need to let go of things as the only person I am damaging is myself. This whole thing is taking every bit of energy out of me I am shattered and feeling slightly desperate. even thought about upping my daily dose of the happy pills to see if it will take the edge off.
I guess the thing or things that are upsetting me is:
Would this person do such a thing if he was out with his work? Probably not, as that is a controlled environment and behavior like that would get you sacked.
Would he behave like this with any of his best mates? Probably not.
So why do this to me?
I just feel I have no real way of dealing with it at the moment...to top it all off, we won the charity auction for the F1 next week for 3 days passes and I really don't want to go, this is adding to my stress/anxiety. I am not bothered about the money just want to forget about the night completely and have nothing to do with it.
Any help/advice would be really appreciated as feel like I am sinking under my thoughts at the moment.
I've always read this thread and on occasion have tried to help by adding where I can, but I really need help at the moment due to one incident and really struggling to cope.....
Lately I been doing very well, managed to get my head together and got myself a new job etc...then suddenly boom, one incident and I just feel like handing the towel in and just want to stay in bed. The thoughts are all bad but just trying to keep a lid on things.
I went out over the weekend with a few close friends as couples....cut a very long story short I was walking my wife home along with a friends wife, next thing I know the husband of the wife we were walking home came flying up taking his jacket off, in my face, even in my wife's face being threatening/intimidating. I just stood there in complete disbelief was not scared just completely shocked, he even accused me of hiding behind my wife. Anyway, luckily his friend had chased him and stopped things before they got completely out of hand. (No one knows why he did this but I know none of us upset him)
The next day he tried to call me to apologise but I did not answer, he even text me as wanted to apologise in person but I just can't deal with seeing him. I know this is probably wrong of me and most people would just move on but I can't get the images of that night out of my head. I have a real issue with farenss and looking at things through my eyes and expecting people to never do such things as I never would or never have.
As you can tell I am having issues dealing with it all. The images and thoughts are in my head from the minute I wake up to the moment I go to bed. We are very close with this couple, kids play together/dinner together etc and I've known the lad on and off for best part of half my life. I have a habit of ruminating over things for ages and have been told by a professional that I need to let go of things as the only person I am damaging is myself. This whole thing is taking every bit of energy out of me I am shattered and feeling slightly desperate. even thought about upping my daily dose of the happy pills to see if it will take the edge off.
I guess the thing or things that are upsetting me is:
Would this person do such a thing if he was out with his work? Probably not, as that is a controlled environment and behavior like that would get you sacked.
Would he behave like this with any of his best mates? Probably not.
So why do this to me?
I just feel I have no real way of dealing with it at the moment...to top it all off, we won the charity auction for the F1 next week for 3 days passes and I really don't want to go, this is adding to my stress/anxiety. I am not bothered about the money just want to forget about the night completely and have nothing to do with it.
Any help/advice would be really appreciated as feel like I am sinking under my thoughts at the moment.
In it's very simplest form...people are idiots when drunk and do really stupid irrational things that they normally regret as soon as they're sober.
I presume alcohol was involved?
It's easy for me to say, but you need to move on and just let it go, the guy was an idiot, he tried to apologise.
I was assaulted when I was 18 following a very minor ribbing of a friend of a friend, that was almost 20 years ago now, but massively rocked my confidence for years and still does to some extent. The lad that did it is still around, down and out total waste of space, I take comfort in the fact I was the better person and didn't retaliate, what goes around comes around.
I now always try to leave yesterday in the past and live for tomorrow.
I presume alcohol was involved?
It's easy for me to say, but you need to move on and just let it go, the guy was an idiot, he tried to apologise.
I was assaulted when I was 18 following a very minor ribbing of a friend of a friend, that was almost 20 years ago now, but massively rocked my confidence for years and still does to some extent. The lad that did it is still around, down and out total waste of space, I take comfort in the fact I was the better person and didn't retaliate, what goes around comes around.
I now always try to leave yesterday in the past and live for tomorrow.
sunnym3 said:
Any help/advice would be really appreciated as feel like I am sinking under my thoughts at the moment.
Your over-analysis is off target bordering wierd. It just sounds like you were frightened, and still are.Assuming alcohol was involved, you should just meet up and accept the embarrassed apology and move on.
sunnym3 said:
Thanks Gary for the response.
Yes alcohol was involved quite alot to be honest. I agree, moving forward and not living in the past is the correct thing to do, just need to find a strategy to get me there.
Alcohol for you as well? Yes alcohol was involved quite alot to be honest. I agree, moving forward and not living in the past is the correct thing to do, just need to find a strategy to get me there.
Humans aren't perfect, we ALL make stupid mistakes.
Instead of dwelling on the past, maybe try to think of something you can do TODAY to make your wife smile, make her life better etc etc, no matter how small. Try to focus on something other than your friends drunken outburst for as long as you can.
sunnym3 said:
Thanks Gary for the response.
Yes alcohol was involved quite alot to be honest. I agree, moving forward and not living in the past is the correct thing to do, just need to find a strategy to get me there.
This is someone you're friendly with and have, until now, spent time with - you're involved in each others' familial lives. He's acted like an idiot and tried to apologise. My suggestion would be that you forgive him, not just in your own mind, but outwardly too. Perhaps there are other forces at work that caused him to erupt and, as a friend, you might consider asking if he's OK. We all of us are fighting our own battles after all.Yes alcohol was involved quite alot to be honest. I agree, moving forward and not living in the past is the correct thing to do, just need to find a strategy to get me there.
sunnym3 said:
Thanks Gary for the response.
Yes alcohol was involved quite alot to be honest. I agree, moving forward and not living in the past is the correct thing to do, just need to find a strategy to get me there.
Accept the apology, don't over think it, probably go out for a beer with him but not too many!Yes alcohol was involved quite alot to be honest. I agree, moving forward and not living in the past is the correct thing to do, just need to find a strategy to get me there.
grumbledoak said:
Your over-analysis is off target bordering wierd. It just sounds like you were frightened, and still are.
Assuming alcohol was involved, you should just meet up and accept the embarrassed apology and move on.
This an interesting one, I do over analyse things way to much. I never thought of it as being weird though. I don't remember being frightened and don't feel that I am but definitely something to think about.Assuming alcohol was involved, you should just meet up and accept the embarrassed apology and move on.
Thanks
Gary, Animal, and Winstonwolf
Thank you for your advice you are all spot on..I should stop over thinking it and just move on. Like Animal said we all have our own inner battles and maybe he has.
I really appreciate your time guys and all your advice. I am going to do exactly what you guys have said and reach out to him and move on.
Thank you for your advice you are all spot on..I should stop over thinking it and just move on. Like Animal said we all have our own inner battles and maybe he has.
I really appreciate your time guys and all your advice. I am going to do exactly what you guys have said and reach out to him and move on.
sunnym3 said:
Gary, Animal, and Winstonwolf
Thank you for your advice you are all spot on..I should stop over thinking it and just move on. Like Animal said we all have our own inner battles and maybe he has.
I really appreciate your time guys and all your advice. I am going to do exactly what you guys have said and reach out to him and move on.
Let us know how it goes, it's easy to say for us looking in from the outside.Thank you for your advice you are all spot on..I should stop over thinking it and just move on. Like Animal said we all have our own inner battles and maybe he has.
I really appreciate your time guys and all your advice. I am going to do exactly what you guys have said and reach out to him and move on.
sunnym3 said:
I never thought of it as being weird though.
Overthinking is common. But comparing the behaviour out drinking with friends with that at a work do? Why? It's not comparable.There was probably some sexual innuendo based on you taking his wife home. I bet he is mortified.
Accept the apology. Probably not one to pull his leg over!
Sunnym3, you can't control other people's behaviour, emotions or thoughts, you can only control your reaction to them. Just like you wouldn't allow someone else's actions to threaten your physical safety, you shouldn't let their behaviour threaten your emotional safety either.
Put the incident in context, imagine how inconsequential the incident will be in 50 years.... in a 100 years no-one will be alive to even know it happened. Visualise how inconsequential the incident will be and apply that to how you feel right now. It really doesn't matter.
If the aggressor contacts you then approach him in an open, friendly manner. Remember that no matter what harm he has done you, he has done himself even more harm. He's paid for his behaviour by losing his integrity and reputation - he can't get that back now.
He's paid a massive price for getting uppity after a couple of drinks. Genuinely accept his apology and show him the empathy he was lacking when he decided to threaten you. You'll feel better coming out of this knowing you've done the right thing, even if it's not your first instinct.
TL:DR His problem not yours
Put the incident in context, imagine how inconsequential the incident will be in 50 years.... in a 100 years no-one will be alive to even know it happened. Visualise how inconsequential the incident will be and apply that to how you feel right now. It really doesn't matter.
If the aggressor contacts you then approach him in an open, friendly manner. Remember that no matter what harm he has done you, he has done himself even more harm. He's paid for his behaviour by losing his integrity and reputation - he can't get that back now.
He's paid a massive price for getting uppity after a couple of drinks. Genuinely accept his apology and show him the empathy he was lacking when he decided to threaten you. You'll feel better coming out of this knowing you've done the right thing, even if it's not your first instinct.
TL:DR His problem not yours
RTB said:
Sunnym3, you can't control other people's behaviour, emotions or thoughts, you can only control your reaction to them. Just like you wouldn't allow someone else's actions to threaten your physical safety, you shouldn't let their behaviour threaten your emotional safety either.
Put the incident in context, imagine how inconsequential the incident will be in 50 years.... in a 100 years no-one will be alive to even know it happened. Visualise how inconsequential the incident will be and apply that to how you feel right now. It really doesn't matter.
If the aggressor contacts you then approach him in an open, friendly manner. Remember that no matter what harm he has done you, he has done himself even more harm. He's paid for his behaviour by losing his integrity and reputation - he can't get that back now.
He's paid a massive price for getting uppity after a couple of drinks. Genuinely accept his apology and show him the empathy he was lacking when he decided to threaten you. You'll feel better coming out of this knowing you've done the right thing, even if it's not your first instinct.
TL:DR His problem not yours
RTB, Massive thanks for this its exactly how I should be looking at it!Put the incident in context, imagine how inconsequential the incident will be in 50 years.... in a 100 years no-one will be alive to even know it happened. Visualise how inconsequential the incident will be and apply that to how you feel right now. It really doesn't matter.
If the aggressor contacts you then approach him in an open, friendly manner. Remember that no matter what harm he has done you, he has done himself even more harm. He's paid for his behaviour by losing his integrity and reputation - he can't get that back now.
He's paid a massive price for getting uppity after a couple of drinks. Genuinely accept his apology and show him the empathy he was lacking when he decided to threaten you. You'll feel better coming out of this knowing you've done the right thing, even if it's not your first instinct.
TL:DR His problem not yours
sunnym3 said:
The next day he tried to call me to apologise but I did not answer, he even text me as wanted to apologise in person but I just can't deal with seeing him. I know this is probably wrong of me and most people would just move on but I can't get the images of that night out of my head.
Would this person do such a thing if he was out with his work? Probably not, as that is a controlled environment and behavior like that would get you sacked.
Would he behave like this with any of his best mates? Probably not.
So why do this to me?
I just feel I have no real way of dealing with it at the moment...to top it all off, we won the charity auction for the F1 next week for 3 days passes and I really don't want to go, this is adding to my stress/anxiety. I am not bothered about the money just want to forget about the night completely and have nothing to do with it.
Salient points right there in isolation - he wants to explain and apologise, you won't let him, yet you're asking for info you won't let him give you. Would this person do such a thing if he was out with his work? Probably not, as that is a controlled environment and behavior like that would get you sacked.
Would he behave like this with any of his best mates? Probably not.
So why do this to me?
I just feel I have no real way of dealing with it at the moment...to top it all off, we won the charity auction for the F1 next week for 3 days passes and I really don't want to go, this is adding to my stress/anxiety. I am not bothered about the money just want to forget about the night completely and have nothing to do with it.
It's bonkers when you simplify it.
Hello,
As you can probably tell from the new login, I'm a long-standing member here under a new name as I'd rather not give out any clues.
I'm 50 now and am struggling with life and what it throws at me. It's not one big thing, it's a dozen small things and I just haven't got the physical energy, the mental strength or the emotional maturity to deal with it. Hence I'm struggling to deal with stuff right now.
I find my general sense of wellbeing is mainly affected by the lack of money. I work around 20 hours a week, self employed and earn about £600 a month. The rest of my income is made up of tax credits, housing benefits and child benefit for my two lads that live with me. They are in full time further education for another year or so. They want to learn to drive but neither their mother (who I'm split from, not married) nor I can afford them so they are going to look for jobs to fit in with studying.
As I said, I'm not with their mum, we split up when they were four. Aside from an eight month relationship in 2008, I haven't had a relationship since. I find it hard to trust women as the last two I've been out with have cheated on me and so I find it easier to not get involved. I'd love the love of a good woman but at 50, with little money, I am hardly a decent catch.
In addition, I have a serious weight problem. Although I'm tall, I am 22 stone + and obviously at my age, I'm a risk for a shed load of conditions such as heart disease, diabetes, arthritis etc. I did lose six stone in a year in 2013 through eating healthy and going to the gym but I put it all back on again inside eighteen months. This weight issue has destroyed my self-esteem and although to meet me, you'd think I was a happy go lucky guy, inside I'm far from it.
I can hear you now, screaming at me to pull myself together. You're right, I should, but I can't. I work from home and don't do a lot really each day. Money/weight/being on my own combines into a mix that has left me just bimbling through life with little or no oomph. I became a grandad in April but my daughter lives 100 miles awayand I can't get the motivation to go and see her. I have a son that lives 40 miles away that I rarely see, he's a good lad but drifts through life a little too really.
There are good bits in my life. I live in a house in a small village that I like and I've got good neighbours. The rent is cheap, I have a good landlord and my kids love me.
But I'm fed up, lonely, broke, fat, ugly, sweat too much, lacking in energy and motivation. I miss being close to a woman, not necessarily the sex but just the cuddling etc and the way life is going, I can't ever see being with someone again.
The money situation is gloomy too. I went bankrupt in 2005, having an early discharge; a debt relief order in 2013 and an admin order in 2016. I don't owe much money but it's doing my head in each month, not being able to afford nice stuff, driving lessons for the kids, holidays. I haven't been abroad for a holiday since 1988, and have just gone on Sun £9.50 holidays with the lads when they were younger. We don't do them anymore as they are mid-teens now and past it, but they were good times.
I don't really know where to go from here really. I feel better for unloading but that feeling will go shortly, I guess. If we knew each other, we'd probably be friends as I can make people laugh, cheer them up & I'm good company. But I don't want to be like this in life, seeing people of my age doing well, earning good money, living well and enjoying their existence makes me realise what a complete f
k up my life really is.
As you can probably tell from the new login, I'm a long-standing member here under a new name as I'd rather not give out any clues.
I'm 50 now and am struggling with life and what it throws at me. It's not one big thing, it's a dozen small things and I just haven't got the physical energy, the mental strength or the emotional maturity to deal with it. Hence I'm struggling to deal with stuff right now.
I find my general sense of wellbeing is mainly affected by the lack of money. I work around 20 hours a week, self employed and earn about £600 a month. The rest of my income is made up of tax credits, housing benefits and child benefit for my two lads that live with me. They are in full time further education for another year or so. They want to learn to drive but neither their mother (who I'm split from, not married) nor I can afford them so they are going to look for jobs to fit in with studying.
As I said, I'm not with their mum, we split up when they were four. Aside from an eight month relationship in 2008, I haven't had a relationship since. I find it hard to trust women as the last two I've been out with have cheated on me and so I find it easier to not get involved. I'd love the love of a good woman but at 50, with little money, I am hardly a decent catch.
In addition, I have a serious weight problem. Although I'm tall, I am 22 stone + and obviously at my age, I'm a risk for a shed load of conditions such as heart disease, diabetes, arthritis etc. I did lose six stone in a year in 2013 through eating healthy and going to the gym but I put it all back on again inside eighteen months. This weight issue has destroyed my self-esteem and although to meet me, you'd think I was a happy go lucky guy, inside I'm far from it.
I can hear you now, screaming at me to pull myself together. You're right, I should, but I can't. I work from home and don't do a lot really each day. Money/weight/being on my own combines into a mix that has left me just bimbling through life with little or no oomph. I became a grandad in April but my daughter lives 100 miles awayand I can't get the motivation to go and see her. I have a son that lives 40 miles away that I rarely see, he's a good lad but drifts through life a little too really.
There are good bits in my life. I live in a house in a small village that I like and I've got good neighbours. The rent is cheap, I have a good landlord and my kids love me.
But I'm fed up, lonely, broke, fat, ugly, sweat too much, lacking in energy and motivation. I miss being close to a woman, not necessarily the sex but just the cuddling etc and the way life is going, I can't ever see being with someone again.
The money situation is gloomy too. I went bankrupt in 2005, having an early discharge; a debt relief order in 2013 and an admin order in 2016. I don't owe much money but it's doing my head in each month, not being able to afford nice stuff, driving lessons for the kids, holidays. I haven't been abroad for a holiday since 1988, and have just gone on Sun £9.50 holidays with the lads when they were younger. We don't do them anymore as they are mid-teens now and past it, but they were good times.
I don't really know where to go from here really. I feel better for unloading but that feeling will go shortly, I guess. If we knew each other, we'd probably be friends as I can make people laugh, cheer them up & I'm good company. But I don't want to be like this in life, seeing people of my age doing well, earning good money, living well and enjoying their existence makes me realise what a complete f
k up my life really is. BipMan - I could write a big long post but you have the internet, the are lots of ways to make money online, and make more.
If you do one thing: walk more, you have lots of time and it would do wonders for the weight and the mind. It is free too!
Can you volunteer or keep busier, think might make life worth living a bit more
You need to make these small steps to becoming a more confident you.
Good luck
If you do one thing: walk more, you have lots of time and it would do wonders for the weight and the mind. It is free too!
Can you volunteer or keep busier, think might make life worth living a bit more
You need to make these small steps to becoming a more confident you.
Good luck
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